Reflection, Redemption and Self-Acceptance

   Something has been bothering me for a long time and I've been having trouble putting my finger on it. IT literally has been driving me absolutely crazy. Gnawing away at my very soul, to put it melodramatically. However, the closer I get to the revelation of what's been bothering me, the better I feel about everything in life. And this morning, after reading articles about child plastic surgery, (yeah, how sad right?) bullying, and opinion  pieces in general I had a small epiphany that culminated into a clear thought! (I take my small victories where I can get it these days and a clear thought would  be that)
    You see, I try really hard at a lot of things in life, especially when it comes to being a good friend and family member. In taking a step back I realize, it seems I have created this fantastic situation where I am lucky to have so many people who accept me and want me to be a part of their lives despite all of my shortcomings, financially, physically, emotionally, or my wishy-washy nature (special thanks to my husband on that one). Because, in the grand scheme of life, those things do not really matter. I no longer care that I make little money, do not have a "real" career, gained a few pounds since my birthday (whoops) or lack a set direction in life. What matters is that I have people who like and love me despite, we all do and that is a fantastic situation.
     We seem to forget, with Facebook, Instagram, twitter, etc.., that materialistic or shallow pursuits do not matter in our most important relationships to our friends, families, and selves. Today we are in such a rush to show people what we have, what we do, convey how cool we are, that we are not being authentic to ourselves or the people that matter most. Worst of all, we are creating a massive population of neurotic, self-doubting, selfish, and judgmental people. For every missive out there that makes you feel like you are not good enough, I guarantee you probably have just as many well wishes and thoughts from your friends and family. It is unfortunate that this does not get attention or is not always realized and is certainly not pointed  out enough in our celebrity-worshiping, materialistic loving county. Someone succeeding at or trying so hard at something they are crazily passionate about is authentic and deep. That is beautiful, even if failure is a result.
        Nothing in life is ever easy or guaranteed, unless we remain true to humanity. Humanity in a sense that there is always someone out there, who possesses enough empathy and sympathy to truly care about you, even if they are a stranger. Consider yourself a thousand times more lucky if they are familiar. So here is what I can guarantee you:
-If you do not create something so inventive and become the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, your family, friends and strangers you touch in a positive, way will still think you are great.
-If you never look like Doutzen Kroes, Naomi Campbell, Robin Lawley or some other super-model we will all still think your a kick-ass human being.
-If you do not makes as much money as Warren Buffet, or even just your average local millionaire, you would be hard pressed to find someone worth a grain of salt who would think you are an utter failure.
-If you never achieve as much earned fame as Brad Pitt or unearned fame as Kim Karsdashian, you will always still dazzle the people who matter with your charm and wit.  
       This is where the clear thought comes in....the people who are judging you are not the ones that matter, ever. Rather strange or familiar face. After another awesome Wednesday night with one of my most perfect-to-me friends, I realized that neither one of us judges each for our short comings (I mean OH MY GOD I do not think it crosses our mind) and then I extended that to other friends and family. The ones that will truly matter do not judge me and I do not judge them and that is clear. Judging is a mechanism that we have unfortunately developed to cope with our own insecurities about ourselves. It is the outright display of our ideas of success defined by others, importance on materialism, and an inability to find all that is authentic about life. The pictures and brags about things that essentially do not matter on the internet. The obnoxious photos that are meant to convey how large of life so-and-so is living, the "I love my life and job am so #blessed" statements that is meant to reflect a heavenly push in their direction, not yours, so you must not be good enough for God even. It is a downright demoralizing process looking at the web some times. You realize how much you do not have, how short your short-comings really are, how foolish you are to place importance on something many people so clearly do not.
       Well, I am not going to do that anymore. I might not be #blessed (sorry I have to do with the hash-tag bc God it is soooooo obnoxious) with all that is important to someone else, but I am lucky to have what I do have. It might seem ridiculous to a lot of people, but it is nice to be truly comfortable around the people you care most about. You know what else I am not going to do, judge people. Even if they do brag because all that does is perpetuate the cycle of feeling like I am not good enough and if people are bragging then they probably also do not feel like they are good enough. I am tired of not feeling good enough by our society. Furthermore I do not want those who I care most about, or anyone for that matter, to feel like they are not good enough. I want to accept myself for who I am finally now that I realize that there are so many people out there who already do. Whats more is that I want you, whoever actually reads this thing, to feel the same way. Also importantly, I want to apologize on for myself (and our society) if I have ever made you feel like you were not good enough for anything. No one deserves to feel like that, and we need to stop feeling bad by starting to make others feel great for being who they are. Being human.