It has been a strange few weeks in a strange few years. Liverpool is in the Champions League Final, the Milwaukee Bucks keep winning, and the weather is getting warmer, yet my heart and soul are having a hard time with the constant shredding of humanity. And I keep thinking, everyday, every hour, and minute...what am I feeling and why? I spent ten minutes with a child or animal and their presence enough is a soothing balm against the barrage of assault committed by the adults in this world. Let me get less wordy about this, there are very few adult human beings who can explain themselves these days without being ugly, shallow, spiteful, hateful. I think the most disappointing thing is that most people do not even realize they are doing this, and the worst, are those that do and just do not care.
It is a sad time to be a woman. That comment alone will get the same parade of men from my social media feed from a certain age calling me "crazy" (they always do and I know who they are going to be, and its tiresome but I feel sad for them) ironically not realizing they are proving my point, but that is besides the point I am trying to make. It feels like I want to say something about this, like I NEED to say something about this. I am confused about the debate. And I am confused about the debate because its not even about the debate anymore. I am confused about the feelings and motivation of others and that is it, isn't it? Some of the things people I know saying and doing things and believing certain things....I am confused and it is not even the debate anymore. I don't understand how we can value women so little that we have zero trust in them. It is not even just women. It is hard for me to fathom on an everyday basis how many people out there who are coming from a place of fear, anger, hatred, jealousy, ugliness,MISUNDERSTANDING, and lack of care when it comes to dealing with and forming perceptions about other people. And, I will admit...that is not the kind of person I am or ever will be. I get that my motivations in dealing with others it totally different than everyone else in this world, it is the only thing we have. We get to determine our motivation, we get to wake up everyday and chose how we are going to think of this world and people in it. For all the whining I did growing up, for all the frustration I have towards poor driving skills, and for all my faults, when it comes to people, I am strangely positive and there are a lot more people like that out there and I wish we made more of an impact. But, these past few weeks I have come to realize we don't and we won't. It is more in our nature to have an interaction or meet new friends on the street than it is to create or share a meme disparaging a group of people.
My frustration and confusion lies in the very belief, and one that I feel down to my core that WE CAN BE BETTER. Most situations in this world are nuanced, nuanced down to the very essence of how it effects the greater world at large. Not all women who get abortions are sluts, nor do all women who get them want them. Not all Muslims are terrorist and not all Christians are determined to press their beliefs on others. Not all asylum seekers are looking for a free ride and not all immigrants are trying to take advantage of a "benevolent" nation. Listen, I get it. It is easiest to just believe what we believe and further, to simplify it. It is hard to think about things we cannot control, it is hard to think about things that make us uncomfortable, it is hard to think about things that make our hearts hurt and our eyes weep, especially when it is a circumstance we cannot control. And that last part, the part about control? That is the key. Our motivations, feelings, thoughts...those are about the only things we can 100% control. We should be able to control the fact that 11 year children should not be raped....yet we can't. We should be able to control the fact that there are starving children all over this world who are oppressed and tortured and need saving, but we can't. There is all this other horrifying bad stuff going on in our country and outside of it, but we CANNOT control any of it and the really scary thing is that someday all these things could have a direct effect on us. So we don't think about it, we pretend it doesn't happen, and by the time we are confronted with it, any of it, all of it, we have long ago decided it does not fit into our world view. We create giant mental walls that are harder to break down than any tangible building material in real life. We create this idea that because it doesn't fit inside the mental walls, ergo it is a one off, or it's not true, or and here is this kicker, that there is no more room for any of the nuances that perpetuate our daily lives. We think that will protect us, there is no room. But, when there is no more room for nuance, there is no more room for understanding, or compassion, much less empathy. Hence, my heart and soul are shredded, everyday. Everyday we practice hate, and ugliness, and shallowness because it is the easy way out. It is the cop out of our soul and it is twisted justification meant to bolster our ideas of safety and morality, no matter how messed up, dangerous, or just plain off they are. So many things in life just plain hurt, why are we determined to perpetuate the cycle? Avoidance do not and never will stave off hurt. Why are we so desperate to see everyone and every situation in the worst light possible, coming from the most darkest and negative places? Let us start by assuming the next person you see on the street as being a good person, a person who might need help, but a good person none-the-less. No matter the skin color, religion, or gender. That person is most likely an amazing person deep down, for the most part we all are as well. Extend that courtesy outward.
Me
Friday, May 17, 2019
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Accepting the Unacceptable....Why?
Last week I spent $150+ on Sephora for my face, more $$ on Amazon for my body, $$ at Ulta, and then I got my hair done....that also costs $. For the past two weeks I have been struggling with my back again, because of all the snow shoveling and working out, I am in constant pain. But, I cannot stop the workouts without feeling guilty. I need to be constantly working out to maintain the idea of a body I think I have and other's think I have. It feels like sometimes, a lot of the times, it is my only attribute in a society that keeps moving the goalposts for everything further and further and further away. I am never going to "make it". I am not a mother, I am not a career professional, I do not really do fad diets or take in-style products, I am not religious, I am not good at things, I am certainly not the best at anything, and a lot of the times if feels like I have no identifying group to which I belong. Stuck trying to make connections in the deserted wilderness of this over-populated world. I am not revered for my mind (shocking I know), and well, what do I have to offer when all is said and done? At the very least I can look good and since a very young age, well, to look good your body must look a certain way and as a tall, female athlete, it has always been hard for me to conform. Painfully hard.
On top of society, when male friends talk about the girls they have always been attracted to, small, petite, girls you can lift up and carry, that has never defined me. It is stupid to feel this pressure, I know that, but I do. Despite knowing its stupid, me being 36, and married....I still feel that way. What really bothers me is, good God if I feel this way, how must other women and girls feel? If deep down I know its wrong and I can somewhat now with age regulate this feeling, I weep for the young girls who aren't there yet. I clearly know what its like to work through physical pain to look a certain way, and worse, to perform a certain way, to be a certain way and to feel like you will never live up to the expectations of society. I am tired. It is tiring. It is why I was angry, very angry to hear this story and very angry that it occurred in a town in which I live and pay property taxes in. Angry to hear this woman still has a job, is still trusted by parents to influence their daughters. Angry to hear the intellectually lazy excuse of "political correctness" demands being the cause of anger for this. And, my 17 years old self is beyond angry. Angry at the hours remembered in the gym and sacrificed in the weight-room, if I had receive an award that focuses on shit I cannot help....the way the body I was born with looks, despite all the hard work and hours sacrificed (time I missed building and fostering friendships that last) it would have sent me on even more downward spiral in the lose of confidence department. So, yeah, my 17 year old self is pissed. Kenoshan's read the article, and the rest of my friends, click on the link to the article and be annoyed at how our sports culture still hasn't changed.
https://deadspin.com/report-high-school-cheerleaders-parents-horrified-by-c-1832745015?fbclid=IwAR0_31eaHRLce_6-475gEtHznUtXVaRO1Z5d85slshWoEiHvtrMT2TXkRoQ
You see as a former coach and someone who has worked a lot with teenagers, as an adult what makes me super angry is that.....coaches and teacher, well, ARE THE ADULTS. Often times they are mentors and that relationship means a lot to a lot of kids. They are not friends who are of the equal intellectual level, they are not part of the gang or in this case squad. This woman was the adult, a coach, a mentor. I remember going to athletic banquets and award type things and I can tell you I would have been mortified had a coach done this, though NOT ONE of my coaches would have done that. They were coaches, teachers, mentors. They demanded respect and they also appreciated the responsibility that came with coaching and took it seriously, as a consequence myself and teammates felt like we were taken seriously. And, yeah, I was a good athlete and on winning teams, so.... I am beyond grossed out that parents are okay with this woman still coaching without apologizing and worse, realizing the potential damage she can cause by objectifying, and I will repeat, SHIT TEENAGE GIRLS CANNOT HELP LIKE THE BODY THEY WERE BORN WITH, much less other teachers and coaches within the school district. As a former 17 year old girl athlete who has always struggle with body issues, this makes me irate. As a member of this community I am disgusted. Disgusted by the district, this coach's lame excuse, and the fact that she is still influencing teenage girls in how they think about their own bodies and consequently how to thing of other peoples' bodies as well. It has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with human decency.
I NEEDED to write about this because I have been obsessing about it my issues recently, but now I am obsessing about it in a different way, this story is annoying me beyond belief. I am annoyed that this lady has parental support, I am annoyed that we live in a time when we can use the idea of political correctness/politics to excuse lazy, bad, and unacceptable behavior and mistakes. I especially want to share it because this city has been home for the past 12 years, I have coached in it, worked with teenagers in it, know adults engrossed in this community's world. It also hits close, metaphorically, to home as well. It has to do with being a female, being an athlete, living with a multitude of expectations, plus the un-obtainable ones foisted on us by a sick society. It has to do with people willfully ignoring the impact of things, actions, and words we have on others. We have the potential to, and actually do, damage to other people, especially those most vulnerable. Stop deluding yourselves into thinking this isn't the case. Children, the most vulnerable of our population, deserve better. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Those of us who care should not have to BEG people to see the potential damage of behavior like this. I should not have to air my personal dirty laundry begging you to see a different and very real perception of this. I don't want to feel like I have to beg parents to keep your children's vulnerabilities and weaknesses in mind when you are excusing what adults can and cannot do in their presence. It has nothing to do with political correctness, just be a god damned adult. Be good to our kids. Understand that NONE of us will every live up to society's expectations and have compassion for those still learning that, it's hard. I should not have to remind you that they are children after all.
On top of society, when male friends talk about the girls they have always been attracted to, small, petite, girls you can lift up and carry, that has never defined me. It is stupid to feel this pressure, I know that, but I do. Despite knowing its stupid, me being 36, and married....I still feel that way. What really bothers me is, good God if I feel this way, how must other women and girls feel? If deep down I know its wrong and I can somewhat now with age regulate this feeling, I weep for the young girls who aren't there yet. I clearly know what its like to work through physical pain to look a certain way, and worse, to perform a certain way, to be a certain way and to feel like you will never live up to the expectations of society. I am tired. It is tiring. It is why I was angry, very angry to hear this story and very angry that it occurred in a town in which I live and pay property taxes in. Angry to hear this woman still has a job, is still trusted by parents to influence their daughters. Angry to hear the intellectually lazy excuse of "political correctness" demands being the cause of anger for this. And, my 17 years old self is beyond angry. Angry at the hours remembered in the gym and sacrificed in the weight-room, if I had receive an award that focuses on shit I cannot help....the way the body I was born with looks, despite all the hard work and hours sacrificed (time I missed building and fostering friendships that last) it would have sent me on even more downward spiral in the lose of confidence department. So, yeah, my 17 year old self is pissed. Kenoshan's read the article, and the rest of my friends, click on the link to the article and be annoyed at how our sports culture still hasn't changed.
https://deadspin.com/report-high-school-cheerleaders-parents-horrified-by-c-1832745015?fbclid=IwAR0_31eaHRLce_6-475gEtHznUtXVaRO1Z5d85slshWoEiHvtrMT2TXkRoQ
You see as a former coach and someone who has worked a lot with teenagers, as an adult what makes me super angry is that.....coaches and teacher, well, ARE THE ADULTS. Often times they are mentors and that relationship means a lot to a lot of kids. They are not friends who are of the equal intellectual level, they are not part of the gang or in this case squad. This woman was the adult, a coach, a mentor. I remember going to athletic banquets and award type things and I can tell you I would have been mortified had a coach done this, though NOT ONE of my coaches would have done that. They were coaches, teachers, mentors. They demanded respect and they also appreciated the responsibility that came with coaching and took it seriously, as a consequence myself and teammates felt like we were taken seriously. And, yeah, I was a good athlete and on winning teams, so.... I am beyond grossed out that parents are okay with this woman still coaching without apologizing and worse, realizing the potential damage she can cause by objectifying, and I will repeat, SHIT TEENAGE GIRLS CANNOT HELP LIKE THE BODY THEY WERE BORN WITH, much less other teachers and coaches within the school district. As a former 17 year old girl athlete who has always struggle with body issues, this makes me irate. As a member of this community I am disgusted. Disgusted by the district, this coach's lame excuse, and the fact that she is still influencing teenage girls in how they think about their own bodies and consequently how to thing of other peoples' bodies as well. It has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with human decency.
I NEEDED to write about this because I have been obsessing about it my issues recently, but now I am obsessing about it in a different way, this story is annoying me beyond belief. I am annoyed that this lady has parental support, I am annoyed that we live in a time when we can use the idea of political correctness/politics to excuse lazy, bad, and unacceptable behavior and mistakes. I especially want to share it because this city has been home for the past 12 years, I have coached in it, worked with teenagers in it, know adults engrossed in this community's world. It also hits close, metaphorically, to home as well. It has to do with being a female, being an athlete, living with a multitude of expectations, plus the un-obtainable ones foisted on us by a sick society. It has to do with people willfully ignoring the impact of things, actions, and words we have on others. We have the potential to, and actually do, damage to other people, especially those most vulnerable. Stop deluding yourselves into thinking this isn't the case. Children, the most vulnerable of our population, deserve better. THIS IS NOT OKAY. Those of us who care should not have to BEG people to see the potential damage of behavior like this. I should not have to air my personal dirty laundry begging you to see a different and very real perception of this. I don't want to feel like I have to beg parents to keep your children's vulnerabilities and weaknesses in mind when you are excusing what adults can and cannot do in their presence. It has nothing to do with political correctness, just be a god damned adult. Be good to our kids. Understand that NONE of us will every live up to society's expectations and have compassion for those still learning that, it's hard. I should not have to remind you that they are children after all.
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