Lucky is definitely how I would describe myself in terms of my family. I have not one, not two, but three amazing sisters. Three automatic best friends who have to love me because they are family. I kid :) We get a long great (as adults) and I am thankful for our relationship with each other every day. It is also the template I use in all of my relationships with other women, which is great and sucky at the same time. I have also been lucky enough to be a teammate to some amazing women, and those relationships can at times be astonishingly similar to having sisters and I find myself being doubly lucky to be able to pick up contact with them like we haven't gone a month without talking. We have been through a lot together. Literal blood, sweat, and tears....as well team showers and team bathroom breaks (wink wink). It is another template I use to navigate my relationships with other women, it is also great and also sucky. What is awesome about getting older is that I can start to see the forest for the trees in so many of my relationships and it doesn't make hard or hurt feelings or regret any better, but at least I can understand a little more. That not everything is due to my own shortcomings. You see, I go in with intensity, I stay in it with intensity, I love fiercely, and I forget failings in rapid succession (which drives my amazing husband crazy). It makes me take things so personally. It used to be hard for me to understand that obviously people are different, so not everyone does this, and it is further exacerbated by the 3 women and old teammates that constantly have my back because they have seen me at my worst, be it my emotional worst, or my worst towards them. I have made amends with them and they with me so many times all we have left of our relationships is truth and love and that is truly something to be grateful for. However, it makes navigating my adult relationships, relationships I hold so dear to my heart, a little trickier. Feelings are difficult, situation are complex, and the dynamics are effected by outside stressors. The relationships are just baby plants still trying to grow. They can be turned off by my worst, offended by my perceived slights of character, or just looking for an out. 
So, I felt like I needed to write this because I see so many articles, posts, memes, or screeds about how it is OK to move on from friendships, that we out-grow each other, etc....We see on TV how often women treat each horribly from the Real Housewife franchise, to dramas, to celebrity news. We experience it in real life still unfortunately. One of my good guy friends often starts his advise by saying, "There is no one more awful to women than other women." Not only do I want this to be untrue, I want to live the exact opposite. It is why I give a wide berth to drama, it is why I can forgive my friends for almost any perceived offense (even if it is a courtesy not afforded to me), it is why I try so hard to treat my girlfriends like they are my sisters or teammates. It is why I fight for my relationships and will continue to do so. I have been through so many fun times, so many not just hard but horrible times, so many milestones with so many women that there is nothing I can do but fight for my friendships. The hard part about friendship as adults is that we can only hope that the other person feels the same way and that can be heartbreaking. 
A new friend of mine who is a bit younger is going through one of the worst times in a young woman's life. It might sound melodramatic, but, when all of your friends are getting married and/or having kids and you are not, it is the time when you start to get left behind. I have been lucky to have a few "older" friends give me the advice to hang in there, that yeah it gets really shitty and really really hurtful for most of your thirties, but in your forties, some of those friends come back. And look, no one ever expect to be as important as a husband or kid, but it does not make the pill any easier to swallow. I will hang in there because I refuse to believe that all of my friends who are on a different life path are suddenly a totally different person and we no longer have anything in common. It is an asinine notion to me that someone I was drinking wine with 2 years ago no longer likes that, someone who shared a meal with me a year ago, no longer likes to eat. That our mutual investment of time and love into each other was cheap and not priceless. And hey I get it, it might be asinine for me to actually think we still have things in common when things change in our life, but I do not want believe everything we shared has been in vain. I do not believe that people come in and our of our lives for a purpose then leave. Some do, but relationships where time has been invested, love shared, experiences had, those can last a lifetime. Or at least, I would love for them to last a lifetime. So, I told my friend to hang in there, that it will hurt and your hurt feelings will not be acknowledged. But, are you willing to brush it off in hopes that you can salvage what you hold dear and persevere through this period of time?
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| These three!! |
We give up so much in our lives. We waste time doing things that in the grand scheme do not really matter. None of the time we give to others should ever be a waste and maybe we need to get rid of this idea that people, like material objects, are disposable because I try (I might fail but I try) to make all of my friends feel like they are more than worthy of my time and love. It is something I have spent years working on, something I hold very high in value. That might not mean anything to some people, but I do know it important, so I will keep trying. I will keep fighting for my friendships, old and new. I will continue to NOT be overwhelmed by having many friends, because I do not see that as a burden, I see it as a gift. We do have a lot to give, sometimes we will not receive just compensation, but sometimes we will not be able to give back what others gave us. We need to stop expecting perfection from friendships, but be grateful for what that other person is offering us, because we cannot always offer the same. Sometimes we need to wait, sometimes we will be put on the back burner (despite our own problems), sometimes we need to be there and other times we need to give space. But, offering yourself to another person is never a waste of time. There are so many forms of love, I want all of my family and friends to feel that there is at least one person out there who will be there. Because I am lucky enough to feel that from my three sisters and because, my friends, you are all also my sisters. 
*I tried to pick pictures where my everyone looks awesome....it was hard. I also missed a ton of new and old amazing friends that I have had the pleasure of spending the past few years with, but a certain someone complains that my posts are too long-
