The Beautful Truth?

     I just read a preview, unfortunately, of a Kim Kardashian interview for the upcoming edition of Elle UK. In that interview she, ah, actually attributes her pregnancy weight gain to God punishing her for her relative hotness. I say relative because, hey, everybody has their prerogatives when it comes to attraction, but this....I can't, I just can't. Left reeling and dumbstruck by this profoundly mindless and ignorant statement, I just can't. But, it really does reflect our societies obsession with "looks." This comes on the heels of an article I also mistakenly read yesterday about an alarming cosmetic procedure where they actually inject botox into ones calves to arrest and therefore shrink the muscle so women with "large" calves can fit into boots. The woman, who was discussing this procedure actually described how she felt about the results as such, "I can fit the boots on now… If you look good, you are treated differently, so I’ll always be interested in strange cosmetic treatments." Is this how many of us feel about all things beautiful? What is it about this very limited view of beauty that we accept, embrace, and/or actually strive for? Do we actually believe this type of beauty equates to power and if so is that a good thing?

      It is funny because this is a topic I have been thinking and wanting to write about for a very long time now, but it feels like this week has possessed the appropriate amount of frustration, amusement, discussion, and reflection on this topic. For starters on Monday, I received a swimsuit ordered online for an upcoming trip. Like any fashion forward DINK Yuppie women in their thirties, I ordered a two piece that can be mixed and matched with existing suits I own. I chose between two bottoms, mostly by staring intently at the models arses to determine which bottom had the most coverage, mostly because well personal preferences (I have a very acceptable fear of wax getting near things where wax just does not belong OK) and I just am not sure I dig the wedgie like nature of those tiny Brazilian bottoms that look oh so sexy on a toned, tanned angel. After much deliberation and staring, I thought I made the right choice. Low and behold I ripped open that package, picked up that tiny bottom and well, immediately gasped, stifled a disbelieving laugh, because wouldn't you know it, they were the damn Brazilian bottoms I worked so hard to avoid. In jest I tried them on, then with much goading, tried them on again for my husband. Despite the laughable nature of how much they did not fit, it struck me that it did not bother me that they did not fit. The first thought that came to mind was the fact that, their sizing is just ridiculous and whatever it is not like I NEEDED to look good in these or any swimsuit for that matter, not the whole self-conscious lament, "OMFG I am so FAT, I cannot believe they do not fit! I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah!" We so often hear, say or complain to our friends about. I am totally guilty as charged, as well as probably all of my friends. But, neither myself nor my friends are trolls. In fact I know no trolls. I felt good that I did not think that, it was peaceful and nice. We, and by we I mean most women, are so concerned with  how we look so often that we forget to think about how we feel, which effect us more than how we look and ironically effects how we see ourselves.

        Why are we feeling so insecure about ourselves that we will pay thousands of dollars to potentially kill ourselves with a pulmonary embolism from injecting botox into our legs? No one is standing on my door telling me that I should loss the ass pounds that are keeping me from fitting into that unrealistically sized Brazilian bikini bottom, although the length of my torso was also an issue. When I am having a good time on Bondi beach, I am going to be more worried about a shark than what my body looks like in a suit. I know this for a fact because I have taken a lot of beach vacations with friends and family and the last thing I am ever thinking about is how someone looks in their suit. How trivial, even the idea of stressing about our bods in a world full of strife and suffering is about as bizarre as Kim Kardashian's logic about pregnancy weight gain. I get that we women and even some men have what we decided are very real and painful body image issues. We obsess about our body issues. You cannot peruse the internet for even an hour without happening upon a weight loss or "body shaming" article. People have made songs around it, petition companies and models about it. We obsess about this and we place blame on everyone and everything. I understand that these are very real issues for many women, but sometimes I cannot help but think we are giving up a lot of our power to feel alive, good and grateful to forces that are not, well real, for lack of a better term. In addition and ironically in our quest to block out the forces we trivialize others insecurities or issues to make us feel better about ourselves. I do believe it is one of the biggest reason why women are so awful to other women, and it is all just needless. We do not need to feel or do these things. What we need to feel grateful for our health, well being, and ability to live.

       This weeks blog dujour making the rounds I noticed was written by a woman who is amazed by the fact that her husband loves her and wants to do her every morning, despite the fact that her body is, as she believes, destroyed from having children. Now, here is where I would think our rape culture and beauty culture would paradoxically unite to prove to women that men not only will screw pretty much anything (including passed out drugged women resembling a dabble in necrophilia disgustingly) , but actually love us for US. I have never dated a man who liked me only for my looks and I am betting neither has a majority of women and how sad would that be if we did. It is already sad enough that women like Kim Kardashian clearly only find value in their beauty, when I am sure (and I am being charitable here) that they do have other aspects to offer. I would bet my meager life savings that Kanye West loves her more for being a great mother to his child than for her beauty. Additionally, none of my friends are my friends purely for their looks or beauty and I am 100% certain it is vice versa because it is not how any of  us define ourselves. So it bothers me that so many people are hung up on this. It bothers me that we need to hear from another woman whether it be Meghan Trainor, Nicki Minaj, or the woman from the blog that it does not matter if we are not in possession of model like good looks. We have manifested this idea that our bodies are the end all be all, and that it is because society has deemed that they be a certain way, yada yada yada, but in reality the body is nothing but a vessel for our minds and our soul. Feeling healthy and being healthy, being happy and contributing to our families and communities to make them a better place is more important than what we look like. Striving to fit into our self created limited box of what is beautiful is only keeping us from really transcending the non-issues that we let clutter our life and  minds. To be honest I have been stressing about getting rid of 5 pounds for my upcoming trip, but that was perfectly wiped away by actually NOT fitting into those ridiculous bikini bottoms. It is such a habit and struggle for us that we need to really work on not doing this anymore. Truly ugly people, on the inside, are the only ones who actually believe in the religion of vanity. Those people are not important and the voices in our heads are not real. I guarantee no one is standing on your doorstep and if there is someone, they probably just want to talk about a certain bible verse and move on to  your neighbor.