The Unknown

     "You know nothing Jon Snow." The line used so many times by Ygrette in Game of Thrones. It symbolizes so many things, his true naivete, literal lack of knowledge, and also as a general reminder. The great thing about their love story is that Jon Snow understands and accepts that he knows what he knows, but he is so willing to learn more. Is Ygrette a little harsh in her delivery? Yes, but at the same time she allows Jon Snow to see for himself, to understand and to truly know what it is that drives her and many others. She does not simply tell him, she makes him see for himself. The fact that Jon Snow knows nothing is a true gift in the morally bankrupt land of Westeros. Admitting to knowing nothing is a vulnerability so many of us will never surrender to because we believe it is a weakness. Knowing nothing, does not mean you literally know nothing, it just means that you will probably never know enough about others and their experience to generalize, that you realize you are coming from a different place. For example, I am particularly sensitive when I read or experience something or someone trying to invalidate my emotions or feelings. One of the reasons it bothers me to no end, is because no matter how much you think you know, lets say about life in general, you will never feel or experience a problem or situation like someone else because YOU DO NOT POSES THEIR MEMORIES, EXPERIENCES, OR PAST ACTIONS. Why the shouting all caps? Because too many of us offer unsolicited advice and opinions, one of my biggest pet peeves. If you already experience low self confidence, a self-questioning nature, or host a rather-able large size of insecurities it only drives you mad and further down. I do not know enough about anything, it drives me crazy when people believe they do and commit the above grievance.

     I am bringing this up because it is the holidays. We are required to see family we spend a year trying to avoid, acquaintances at parties who are only acquaintances for a reason, and because of all the recent events in the news media. (And every snarky blogger/pundit out their with a damning opinion of everyone else but themselves....because, damn it, the masses just do not get it. Hello Grad School, we meet again?) I just want us to take a step back this holiday season, or dismount our proverbial high horses and lets think for a moment about our society as a whole. Taking a step back and gathering all that is out there, reflecting on how it effects all of us in our own way and back off our "well intentioned" gestures. Because, when it comes down to it, intentions mean nothing when you end up hurting or trashing someone by trying to make  yourself feel better or better than.

      We live in a society that shames not only overweight and obese women, but fit and slim women as well. We live a society that chides women for having  having an epidural or bottle feeding, as well as for nursing in public. We belittle men we feel are not manly enough, but then complain about how emotionally unavailable they are. We complain about our materialistic ways while sitting in our house on our smart phones, with televisions on in the back ground, judging others who are just trying to get what we take for granted. We incessantly judge those we deem should "know better" when we actually have no idea what they do or do not know. When we actually know nothing about one another. By criticizing, giving advice when not asked for it, or doling out our "humble opinions" we are invalidating everything the other person is experiencing or feeling.

    I harp on all of this because we are a society as a whole. Yes there are differences, but that does not mean differences equal something bad. Being a productive and upright citizen of our society means that you can encompass the whole while not losing your true self, all the while navigating your way kindly through those who also enjoy the  privileged of living in our society. Purely because you realize you know nothing. Therefore, you do not get to dictate how others go about their business. You do not get to make them feel less than you because they chose a different path or have lived a different life. (Or because you feel you know a truth they do not, or because they were born into a different situation) Lording your greatness over others is one of the biggest weakness in the human race. It does not come from strength or intelligence. It does not come from passion or righteousness. It comes from weakness, intolerance and ignorance. Making others feel bad for being themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a good thing. Kindly helping them understand if asked, being patient, or knowingly just being their yet silent is more powerful than trying to direct their course of action. Because in the end, it does not matter what you know or what you do, if you are truly trying to help or bring about change, it only matters if you can embrace the "wholeness" of everything, the mess and the good, and reconcile it into something productive. Forget what you know, because this life all around us is rarely about us. Being aware of our unknowing can open a host of opportunities to reach out, to recognize, and  to finally understand what makes our neighbors tick, or family work, and our lives move forward. Realizing that we do not know will always be more powerful than truly believing that we do.