Part deux! I have been figuring how to form what I want to say, and why, for the better part of the day but have been thinking about the theme in general for a while. Weirdly, inspiration struck as I was watching an old show that I have had mixed feeling about since I "grew-up". The oldie but goodie, "Sex and the City." My issues stemming from the show have always been what I would describe as the unrealistic portrayal of how great casual sex is, a subject which led to many misguided ideas for women who spent the first part of the early twenties in the mid-2000's. However, what I noticed today, another decade older, (and perhaps wiser ;) ) was the group dynamic and friendship between the four leading ladies. This is not something we get to see on TV, especially with the proliferation of reality TV shows which also ties into the "know-it-all" I discussed yesterday.
You see, the reason I feel this is important, being something I have wanted to say for so long, is that I am deathly afraid that these examples, these women, will, or are already, making us forget how to be friends with one another and what it means to actually be a friend. It could be that I am a baby and it affects me more, but I am truly a girls girl. I love hanging out my girls and do it on a regular basis. In fact, it might be my naivety but I get rather sad when women are mean or unfriendly, I am a baby so I digress. But the way women are portrayed, how they portray themselves, is disturbing. It normalized treating each other like crap.
Full disclosure, I love the Real Housewives franchise, well I used to anyways. I just cannot sit down and watch more than 15 minutes without getting angry. I would love for nothing more than my fellow women to rise-up and protest the filthy way they treat each other. But, I know that is never going to happen. They make too much money and we give the Mr. Andy Cohen what he wants, viewers. We claim it is entertainment, and you know what, it used to be entertainment. But now, in this strange reality TV universe where it is unfortunately vogue to treat other women like shit, the show can't go 10 min without one woman superficially attacking another and we cannot turn it off. (Tear :( ) The continued popularity of these shows is reinforcing the industry's portrayal of woman as catty bitches, money grubbing, gold diggers, superficial, and that typical women are evil and easy characteristic we have been fighting for centuries.
Here is what really pisses me off about it. Neither my friends nor myself ever behaves that way. It is not how "real" women operate with each other. I will mourn the day when this behavior becomes actual reality. Because a high majority of the women I know are beyond decent, hard working and amazing human beings, that is fact. That should be portrayed and rewarded. Instead with every new "reality" series created, the behavior of women towards one another becomes worse and worse and worse. I hope and pray that young women are not beginning to think that is ok to treat others that way, like my generation thought casual sex could somehow put us on equal playing field with men. How many young women will have to navigate this cruel world without guidance or friendship because we are unlearning civilized social behavior?
If I could write an ode to my friends, or some advice to Andy Cohen or any of the women from The Real Housewives series, this is exactly what I would say.
I love my friends. They mean the world to me. Their happiness, sadness, insecurities, and confidence affect how I feel because having empathy for our friends is the least we could do. We should experience their feeling or have some idea. Being a friend (as a mature adult) in the least means not judging, at the average accepting them, and at the most being fiercely loyal and vulnerable at the same time. Creating a bond of trust through these actions is noble, or it used to be. Being a friend does not involve manipulation, lying, petty name calling or jealousies. It means being their for the big things, their small things, and discussing the issues that matter. Instead of envy, being truly happy for all that they are blessed with. Women have so much to overcome already, why make it harder?
Life is hard, that is fact, and true friends can make it much easier and much more bearable. Why can't that be portrayed anymore on TV. For all the shows faults, at least "Sex and the City" women had each others back regardless. It is ironic that fiction mirrors reality more than "reality" presently. Women are already ungodly harsh to one another. Look at the "Mommy Wars," or the bloggers I was discussing yesterday or the behavior of some corporate women. All waiting like vultures to peck the eyes out of a weak creature just emerging in the cold world. Lets stop doing this to each other. There is a reason why we have never had a woman president, lack an equal presence in our congress or the corporate boardroom. Women being awful to other women, especially those they call friends just does not help us move ahead in life. It does not matter how much money, how pretty, or who you know, nastiness is still ugly and ugliness destroys the soul. I love my friends and I am not ashamed to say it. I want to seem them be happy in life. I also want to meet new women all the time and become friends with them (I have a bit of extroversion issues) and I want to make them feel good about themselves as well. Furthermore, I would love the opportunity to just discuss this issue with the people who exploit it. I miss the days of Vicki Gunvalson and Jeana Keough having a damn good time together. Those were the times it was true reality. Those are the times and things that are important. Lets start being fantastic to one another and focus on real issues-
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