In the first "Anchorman" movie after Ron Burgundy blindly reads the teleprompter, telling the people of San Diego to go f*#k themselves he slowly comes to the realization that he did something bad, very bad. As he is trying to leave the station which has been mobbed by the angry citizens of San Diego, Garth Holliday, the stations assistant producer cries out to Ron, "Why'd you have to say that? You come out with stink like that. Poop. Your poopmouth, with poop out of your mouth." I am going to go ahead and say that quote aptly applies to the literal s#!t that spewed from Mike Huckabee's pie hole last night at a winter meeting for members of the Republican National Committee. Below are a few of his utterly timeless and brilliant (obvs sarcastic) quotes about some alleged "War for women."
"Women I know are outraged that Democrats think that women are nothing more than helpless and hopeless creatures whose only goal in life is to have a government provide for them birth control medication," he continued. "Women I know are smart, educated, intelligent, capable of doing anything anyone else can do. Our party stands for the recognition of the equality of women and the capacity of women. That’s not a war on them, it’s a war for them.
"And if the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it," he said. "Let’s take that discussion all across America because women are far more than Democrats have made them to be. And women across America have to stand up and say, 'Enough of that nonsense.'”
Although, there was a little ditty he did about how Republicans need to address income inequality as well, it was totally negating by the unintelligible trash uttered above. I take so many issues, with his inability to address women's rights without insulting women. It is beyond painful to hear white rich, insanely old-fashioned men letting their opinion of women loose. Who wrote this? Was it some sort of PR aide, Huckabee himself, an intern? More importantly, did they think it was good, or correct? Whom ever the genius was, they should be fired. There are so many problems with this speech, it is hard to know where to begin and where to stop, so I will limit myself, no worries. Also, if you are NOT offended by this abhorrent political poetry, do not read this blog because I do not need your audience. If you agree with Huckabee and want to know why I am beyond offended by it, by all means read it, but I will not entertain any comments or disagreements because I am tired of being treated like, oh I don't know, "a victim of my gender."
You know what, lets start there. What the hell does that sentence even mean. Coming from a party that sorely lacks in participation of a diverse group of women, it is utterly laughable. Especially after the absolutely Shakespearean line informing us that Republicans are in fact fighting the, "War for Women." Because, you know, without the Republicans women would not have equal rights, fair wages, maternity leave, the ability to vote, access to education, hell, actually decided their life course for themselves. Seriously Mr. Huckabee and staff, you have to look around at your party, examine some of the things your people say, then you know, lets sit down and talk.
Lets get back to that equality thing and the recognition of it. The republican party, with the inclusion of the religious right all those years back, took away much of our ability to play the game of life in fair manner. Why don't you give us the right to chose what is best for OUR bodies? Oh that's right, it would include so many things besides the abortion issue. Let us get fair healthcare with out an astronomically higher cost than our male counterparts. I take offense that my insurance as a 31 year old woman is higher than some fat f*^k of an unhealthy man all because I was born with a vagina, not by choice, not that I don't love it. Secondly Mr. Huckabee, in your statement you assume that all women taking birth control pills are over-sexed whores that lack the ability to close their legs at the right time, inferring that Democrats not only allow and encourage this behavior but additionally control our bodies as a result. This insistent Republican notion about women who take birth control pills is comically outdated and dangerously uninformed. If you want to fight a "war for women" than I suggest you get behind a damn plan that allows women the basic right to affordable family planning, an obvious issue that affects our lives ten-fold more than men. Again, who ever wrote that should get the boot without severance pay, it is a clear case of basic life skill incompetence and total lack of empathy for the opposite sex.
Also the last time I check, Mr. Huckabee, I do not think it was Obamacare that decides when I ovulate, or menstruate or when I do or do not have sex. (Everyone knows it is a headache that decides that!) That statement alone is the epitome of an illogical point to an illogical argument. As someone with a masters degree I demand that you or whoever wrote this goes back to basic logic 101 course at your local university. You could greatly benefit from it in the future. Basic reproductive rights, and our reproductive system (which is now clear you have no idea what it actually consists of) should be our right and it is the one area that I actually applaud the Democrats for standing-up to the old white dicks who have too much of an opinion on what I do with my "reproductive system." Until the Republican party shuts these a-holes up and ride them out of town on the rails, you do not get to say you are fight a damn "war for women." I think G.W Bush summed if up best, if you are not with us you are against us and YOU are not with us.
So, Mr. Huckabee, yeah I will stand-up and say "Enough of that nonsense!" When people like you, who clearly lack a critical ability to think and speak at the same time, do not exist with a public platform and receive millions of dollars to say non-sensical juvenile ideas that give grown men a stiffer hard-on than a Jenna Jameson flick, disappear only then will women actually achieve the power to claim their body and their rights. The longer you continue with this façade that you actually are for women, the deeper your graves get. Here is a little advice for you Chairman Priebus, if you want to "re-boot" your party, I suggest you make mandatory sophomore biology classes a requirement for the men who want to retain office. It will go longer distance than allowing someone like Mike Huckabee to come to the defense of us poor helpless women being attacked and pimped out by the Democrats. Seriously.
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