Me

Me

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Strangulation on a Sunny Day

    I have a junk email address. One that I use to sign up for things requiring email address, such as Facebook, Goodreads, and LinkedIn. It can be a chore to look at but, none-the-less requires a certain amount of attention, especially when in the mood to shop since it is also where I get my Rue La La updates, as well as Rent the Runway. Even when I am gone and the emails number into the hundreds, since I never check that specific address when on vacation, there are only certain emails that send me into a sort of paralyzing mode. It is not the ones from Sephora, TD Ameritrade, or even from our bank. It is one specific email update that I spend weeks avoiding at all costs, leaving it unattended to, because I would rather shop with money I do not have or see my friends' updates on Goodreads, even though I have no time to read. These anxiety producing emails are my LinkedIn updates.

     Listen, maybe I just can't play the game. Wait, I will freely admit, that probably is the case. I just can't play the game, I also do not want to play the game. That website, with all the professional motivation exuding from its sphere feels like its existence is there to reflect back at me everything I lack professionally. It demotivates my will to succeed at some random profession, much like wedding and baby showers demotivate my will to survive. Like I said, I just can't play the game. The veneer is too thin for me, atmosphere to positive, (I am not a pessimistic person, I love nature, I love those moments where you just sit back and think OMG this is the best thing ever, I love my friends and family and I believe the future holds some pretty awesome things) translation, I would have to try really really really really really really hard to not be me, to succeed in that world. No matter how hard I try, people find me crass, brazen, loud, all those adjectives and adverbs not associated with those who succeed in our career driven world.

     While Facebook and Instagram are driving people crazy trying to measure up to Dick and Jane, LinkedIn sends me straight into a paper bag needing hyperventilation. How the hell have I gotten so "behind" on the career fast track? Is that even really the problem? I am never sure I really was on a career track, ever. I will be honest, and maybe I am shallow, but I am kind of keen on just going with the flow. My dream has always been to travel. I might forget it sometimes, but I know this because I recently came across my old diary from when I was 10. It is the only clear thing in there, besides the fact that I was obsessed with drawing horses and was utterly horrible at it. There are pages with careers I wanted and did not want. The latter category had so many options. The only things in the "don't" category were things like prostitution, drug dealer, and things I am pretty sure are in everyone's "don't" category. My point is, I fear that we are defined too much by what we do, professionally. Not our actions and not our words. What happens when we decide to go a different path? It is not a cliche, but a truism, the career questions is one of the first things people ask us when we meet them. It makes me cringe. What do I say? The admirable answer never has and never will be, "I get by. I do what is best for me to follow what is really important to me." Even when it is somewhere near the truth it is never good enough. We are all supposed to be climbing the corporate later somewhere, working ourselves to the bone, starting the definition of who we are from there. Otherwise it would never be one of the first questions a recent acquaintance asks of you.   

   There are certain areas in life where we are going to feel totally differently than a majority of people. When it comes to areas of professions and careers, I am at a total loss and to be honest, it is not because I got left behind. I chose to be left behind. It is something I have pay for, I get that. Especially in our country where corporate speak finds its way into everyday life, and gratingly, organization where we volunteer. I get LinkedIn has tremendously helped those connect who want to, and love to, connect in the networking sense. When I had a "real job" I used to go to a conference every year in Las Vegas. Those were my kinds of "connecting events," old school where you could kick back a few drinks, spend too much at dinner, and pretty soon you are doing saki bombs with some Canadian Navy divers and some Philip Morris engineers who have been in Africa that last couple years building tobacco plants. It was spontaneous connecting and it was great. What could the Canadian Navy give me in terms of a leg up ever in the career world, or Philip Morris for that matter? Nothing, ever, but that is never what I have been looking for. I love people, I love friends, I love seeing the world, I love experiences, I love doing things. If I could get paid for doing any of that I would be in heaven. So until then, I will keep trying to convince my husband to sell everything, buy a  boat, and go somewhere where life is simple and LinkedIn is not the end all be all if you just want a job.

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