Me

Me

Friday, February 6, 2015

Dedicated to my DOLFs-Deisgnated Obviously Large Friends: The Taller The Better

Ahhhh, I have not written in a long time. I think sometimes when people are so intensely into their issues in our world (vaccinations, how much we hate each other, terrorism, the like), it definitely puts me off writing. It feels futile in our vehemently "I am right!" society (regardless if we are right, we are always mother f*@&ing right). Anyways, I have also been traveling, spending 3 glorious weeks in Australia. It was glorious because not only are Australians laid back, fun, fantastic, and never assume they are always right. But, there are some seriously and gorgeously tall women! And on the heels of the announcement of Robin Lawley as a new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model (that hottie is 6'2'', a size 12 and Australian ) I am dedicating this post to all of my DOLFs out there. That's right, I am starting a new acronym for us, Designated Obviously Large Friend. This is in response to the new it term DUFF, Designated Ugly Fat Friend. A heinous attempt by Hollywood to makes light of the way we feel about each other and ourselves maybe? Anyways, if DUFFs are getting the spotlight, why can't DOLFs? Because face it, everyone out there has that tall friend. "Oh yeah, that one tall girl that was at my party, yeah her name is Shannon." or "Oh, well since you are so tall, and he is so tall, you have to be paired up as in the bridesmaid and groomsmen lines." "Omg you are not wearing heels tonight are you? Now you are going to be way taller than me!"

Here is my list of why us DOLFs need our own designation and spotlight!

1. DUFFs are totally average. All clothing and marketing is designed for them or their prettier average size friends (I am not sure what we are supposed to refer everyone else to) and their petite friends as well. DOLF's are 5'9'' and taller, size 6 and beyond. Clearly we look larger than the average female because we are also taller than a lot of the guys out there, hence average American male 5'8''. Growing up tall, gangly, clumsy and dealing with all the other teenage crap was difficult for many of us. I did not know that I might be slightly attractive to men until I went to Europe at the age of 22, it was the first time I had drinks bought for me. (A few years later my volleyball teammates at a bachelorette party ran into a professional sports team and lets just say....again it was nice to be appreciated for our height ;) )  American men have serious issues with tall women. Ask any girl who might be a DOLF how they feel when they see a 6'5'' guy bending down to kiss his 5'4'' girlfriend. What a waste of resources. Here is a shout out to any DOLF who has had to bend down to kiss their boyfriend or partner!! That my friends is confidence and love.

2. People assume that because we are tall, we are a size L. Try being 6' tall, with no boobs, but with broad shoulders. Yeah, nothing fits. Some of us are L's but others are M's and some could probably be an S, but god forbid any of those sizes but the L or XL will actually fit the one spot cloths never fit, our "linebacker" shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I love my shoulders, and all DOLFs shoulers. I find them strong looking, like Robin Lawley, they are awesome and powerful. But, I will admit, can be ridiculous looking in halter tops and shirts where the seam is half way between neck and shoulder. Not even mentioning sleeve issues here, that deserves a post on its own. Not only that, we have to contend with high water pants and maxi dresses constantly. Though more places now carry a long sizes, it is still hard since teenage goths are still keen on wearing pants that are way too long. Then there are the girls who are 5'7'' and think they need a 34'' inseam, bitch please. So there are still not enough "long" or "tall" clothing for women. Despite those clothing designations being picked apart like road kill by a vultures, there still remains a pristine hardly touched petite section. They get a whole damn section for themselves, despite America's over-weight and obesity rates. Is anyone else as confounded by this as I? If you know me, all I want to do is wear a jumpsuit or romper, with out a giant wedgie and camel toe, without my ass cheeks showing. Just like other women.

3. This brings me to the heels. I know many Obviously Large women who love to wear heals, myself for one, my 6'2'' sister and 6'2'' college volleyball teammate. Despite being a head taller than a majority of the places we go, I am still going to put on those heels. As a side note to all you men who think you are being smart when you walk by us, pause a beat, giggle and continue walking, yeah we know what you are doing. Ha ha yeah...we are so freakishly large. It is funny isn't it? Here is a secret, we use our high heels to detect all the douche bags in the bar and congratulations, you passed the douche bag test!! Go back to your average size woman, or maybe you are taking home the DUFF tonight. Awesome for you, keep staying mediocre. Because we are above average, literally. Which brings me to my last point.

4. Now, it is not that I do not love my shorter average size friends and family members. I do, but what you need to realize is that even though we may not have been DUFFs, most DOLFs were also not the "pretty ones" of the group either. It is hard to always feel normal or part of the group when you feel so out of place. At the age of 32 to hear "That's a huge bitch" no longer fazes me, in fact I laugh, but it didn't feel good at age 21. We are the butt of jokes, because when you are head and shoulders taller than everyone else, it is kind of funny, but do not tell that to a 5'11 16 year old. Which is why I am celebrating all the success of Robin Lawely, Ahsley Graham at 5'9'', and my favorite Myla Dalbesio who is 5'11''. The reason why I am loving them is because, unfortunately so many are not. Because they are larger than the average woman, overall, they are labeled differently than other models. However, they harken back to a time when being a model mean being strong, athletic, healthy looking and tall. Because the average American woman is now a size 14, with a 36 inch waist, and no where near 5'9'' even, the women are not deemed "normal" or "average enough" to represent the "real American woman." As indicated here, http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/05/calling-bs-on-our-plus-size-obsession.html, here http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/11/11/calvin-klein-plus-size-model-controversy/18843537/, here http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/10/calvin-klein-gets-a-plus-size-controversy-over-myla-dalbesio/?_r=0, and here http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/05/sports-illustrated-swimsuit-issue-plus-size-model. In essence, us taller and larger than average girls still can't win.We still can't fit in. There still is no place at the table.

It took me too many years to love being tall. Too much teenage angst, too many feelings of wishing I was not made the way I was. Everyone has body issues these days and we seem to feel confident in trashing people who are not exactly like us. The term DUFF is disgusting, it should not be glorified by people in Hollywood, or anywhere for that matter. I have zero Designated Ugly Fat Friends, because that term does not exist in normal peoples minds and no one should ever feel that they fit that description. It is hard feeling left out because of appearances, to be solely judged on them ("Hey do you play basketball, you are so tall you must play something?") There is beauty in everyone, regardless of size, or shape. Yes, we can be a little jealous, but let that jealousy lead to respect or admiration. And don't ever let the way someone else looks be a deciding factor in how we see ourselves. Just because someone is 5'6'' and someone else 6'1'' does not mean they do not struggle with something,, though someone 5'6'' can fit into a jumpsuit :(

And for the shorter girl at the concert, bitching because she is standing behind me, and "OMG she is ridiculously tall and should not be standing so near the front, she better not think it is OK for her to stand there", tough go sit on your 6'7'' boyfriends shoulders. To the guys at the bar thinking you are being "stealth" comparing yourself to the "that one tall bitch," we can sense your weakness like a lion senses fear. That is what I want all larger tall teenage girls to understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0 (NSFW but great song for when I feel crapped on :) I am an albatross, larger than the average bird)

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