In the early years of our relationship, my husband (who is always into his job/career, actually into what he is doing, which is great) was doing some class/job training which entailed the popular at the moment, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." It drove me crazy. Every conversation, even those of the mundane topic, turned into a lesson of what Stephen Covey would do. Now my husband, boyfriend at the time, was just trying to be the best person possible and he like many out there, believed that Stephen could help him in this mission. The problem however, was that I thought he was already a great person. He did not need Stephen or Tony Robinson for that matter to tell him anything. He was already and always has been a genuine person, who works hard, and lives life according to values and principles a majority of people do not have. He is not rigid by any means it is just how and who he is, and I lucked out big time when I snagged him. (Which as a directionless spirit still amazes me!)
So getting back to why I was bothered, well essentially, why I wanted to call Stephen Covey himself and shove his 7 habits where the sun does not shine and for that matter any self help or advice book for that matter, is because these people make a ton of money off telling others they need their help because they are not good enough just being who they are. It is like the multitude of parenting books, which I am convinced is leading to a generation of neurotic children being raised by neurotic parents who are being told on daily basis that what they are doing is not good enough by some "expert" author or another. I can just see the next title beyond the horizon, "How to Properly Wipe Your Kids Ass: Because if you do it wrong the consequence can be dire!" We are becoming a society who cannot do anything right, but if we just spend $400 on this seminar, on this magic weight-loss program, on this book, listen to this person all will be right in my world.
Here is where I am sorry. I am sorry because this is not how life works. Nothing works according to how it is supposed to and anyone who has planned a party, wedding, or anything understands that there are is an enormous amount of issues beyond our control. No matter how hard we try, life can throw literal shit or rainbows at you and there is a different way to deal with each one of them. Stephen, Tony, Orpah, and Gweneth Paltrow cannot tell you how to handle it, they are not giving you "tools" to cope because everyone is different. I absolutely hate it when people say, "I am just trying to be the best person I can be." We need to try just being if we want to be the best person possible, because in the words of one my dearest friends, "here's the deal"- We have a hard enough time being mindful of the present moment we are in. We are constantly being told by society that we need to be "here" when in fact that might not be the right moment to be "there" so how at the present moment do we understand where we need to be? To break it down in the simplest analogy, it is not always safe to clime, to venture forward, to dive deeper. Sometimes we need to be on plateau, stand still, or stay in the shallow waters and that is fine.
It is like F. Scott Fitzgerald said so very poignantly all that time ago, "So we beat on, boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past." We are so focused on moving forward against the current, hell bent on not letting our past determine what and who we are because we are told it is what we must do by "everyone who knows everything about life." But not acknowledging the past means you are not moving forward ironically. Nobody knows you like you. No one knows your deepest darkest desires, your aspirations, your dreams like you do. Sometimes things come along in life and force or coax you to change those. It could be a human, an experience, or a situation all beyond your control. That is just it, sometimes it is beyond your control, how do you let go? How do fall so helplessly and greedily in love when that means losing some control? How do live in the present moment with abandon pleasure or pain if it means pushing back or letting go of an arbitrary goal that causes you stress and anxiety?
I might not know a lot about a lot :) But what I do know is that most people are just looking for a way to just live. Because, essentially that is all we can do. I admire that more than I admire the "goals" junkies who puts on blinders and plows through life never really surrendering to the ultimate pleasure of just being. Because you are not only robbing yourself of essential human experiences, you are robbing those around you from every emotion they are trying to give you, love, happiness, togetherness, sadness, everything essential about human beings. I truly believe we are connected to each other through our experiences, positive and negative. Thankfully my husband quickly ended his quest to obtain those damn 7 habits, and though he still can't help but quote Tony Robbins (I gotta admit he does seem nice) every once in awhile our joys, sadness, debates, and just discussion are hashed out by the two of us dictated by who we are in the present moment. It is just the two of us in our boat, trying to navigate the waters towards an uncertain future just like everybody else because, the hard truth is that the future is uncertain for everyone, no matter what your habits or goals happen to be. Welcome to life ladies and gentlemen, put down the propaganda and start living because, I am sure you are wiping your kids ass in the proper manner.
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