This is dedicated to all the teachers, coaches, and wretched fools who work with teenagers every damn day. Our society, and a handful of politicians and parents, are hellbent on railing you with a heedless abandon rarely seen in any other profession. You poor souls who must confront the increasingly untamed beasts, also known as our children. Those precious little sparkles in their parents blind eyes, whose un-bounding love causes the most opaque of cataracts. Alas, I feel your pain and would like bring up this not so fun topic.
*Disclaimer: I am not parent. This does not mean I dislike children, I do, just right now I find the little ones to be highly burdensome. It might change, it might not change, but it does not make me evil or any less of a woman or person in general. It also does not mean I live a less satisfying or shallow life (and while I am at it, it also does not mean I do not know what love it). I most certainly am not trying to give an parental advice, this is merely a public service announcement.
I understand that most parents do the best that they can and it is great that you do what you do. However, I do fear that there are too many parents who strive to be friends with their children, please don't. I had a strong disdain for my parents as teenager, it is totally normal for your kid to hate you, it probably means you are doing a great job. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, and have had one for many years (pretty much since I grew up a little and got my head out of my ass). I attribute this to the fact that I did NOT consider them to be my friends as a teenager. On a further note, my mother also did not try to dress like me. When I coached volleyball the most disgusting aspect for me were the moms and dads who dressed like teenagers, did their hair and make-up like teenagers (glitter and shimmery pink lips look laughable on a 40 yr old with a fake tan and horrible dye job). Parent's when you do this you look ridiculous. As I stated earlier, I do not have kids, am 31 years old and clearly do not look like one of the kids I coach or deal with in school. Furthermore, I do not want to. Teenagers have a horrible sense of style generally and they tend to look slovenly or well, like a teen on any given day. Adults should never emulate that.
Mostly, what I want to make clear here is that I owe NOTHING to your child. I am not sure where that notion developed. The one where I automatically have to bow in respect and admiration to children, where they do not have to do ANYTHING to deserve said respect or admiration other than just exist. On that note society also owes nothing to your child, or you for having a child. We need to have higher expectations of each other. That being said, there are so many things I will do or try to do for your child. I will show up with a smile on my face, will set my expectations clearly and fairly, say please and thank you, and like any normal person will wait for reciprocation. What I will not do is tolerate attitude, snarkiness, bitchiness or some weak ass "bad boy" routine typically displayed by more than a handful of kids on any given day. It is the result of the notion that they are special just because they exist. This could be further from the truth.
We gain respect in our communities by how we treat others, how we behave, and by our actions. Our existence is defined by who we are and this starts at an early age. What we demand of our children molds them into what they become and when we demand nothing from them, well....What I demand from the kids I deal with is respect, honesty, and decent behavior. I for one do not think I am asking them to particularity over-achieve at anything. I am demanding that they behave like human beings. Also, venturing a guess, I would probably say 95% of adults who work with teenage kids understand the extenuating circumstances that are teenagers. The drama, hormones, over-reactions, etc... and give due leeway, a lot. It is the abuse of this leeway and blatant disrespect practiced by so many kids these days that is really bothersome. This is the crux of my argument. Can I really be angry with the kids who constantly display this behavior?
Here is my mantra for dealing with these situations on any given day. "I am not this child's parent, I did not screw up. I just got here (literally and metaphorically). They are angry because they have no limits, expectations, or guidance in there life. Try not be angry with the child, and have sympathy for them because they are not getting what they need from their life at home which is setting them up for failure." This is sad. It is sad mainly because you look around in life, on the roads, in the stores, in your neighborhood, on a plane, etc.. and you see the most awful displays of humanity continually practiced by adults. The careless disregard with which we treat others around us, like we as adults are owed something by the world. It is no wonder our children behave in the same manner. It is hard work being a human, all I am asking is that we teach our children well.
*Another disclaimer...I do know a ton of wonderful children. I am literally surrounded (my neighborhood and friends' kids, family) by some of the most intelligent, caring kids. I have also had the pleasure to coach some of the most amazing young women I know in existence. Everyday I come to the school I work at, I am continually heartened by the actions of many students towards their fellow classmates. They make me so very happy and thankful that I get to be a part of their lives. Those are the kids I owe something to because they have earned it.
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