Every morning when opening the daily paper, I cross my fingers and hold my breath that alas there is not another juvenile and highly embarrassing antic committed by a member of our city council. The prayer goes like this, "Please, please let there not be another article about how the Racine County Sheriff has to come and investigate some stupid issue again, please if there is a Civic God out there, let them hear my prayer." The amount of drama that plays out in the civic world of Kenosha is akin to an episode of Jersey Shore if they were to take a booze cruise. But it is frustrating on a level beyond embarrassing in the fact that, lets say my husband behaved that way in "corporate America" he would be fired. If we all behave that way in social setting, we would be the laughing stock or completely reviled. The thing is, though it highly disgusts me, in a smaller city with established families, social hierarchies, allegiances, and a surprisingly rich history it is not totally unsurprising. What is surprising, something that gives me acid reflux amounts of disgust and embarrassment is the letter 47 members of our Senate, sent to a foreign country in the middle of a multinational negation on one of the most important matters in the freaking world. Which is about as juvenile and embarrassing as putting glue in another councilperson's car key holes.
Aside from the embarrassing standpoint that it totally solidifies the dis-functionality of our Government to the whole entire world, it is unnecessarily and comically condescending to the addressed foreign nation (whose cabinet of advisers holds more American PHDs than our own) it is an outright form of disrespect to our President, his cabinet and every other nation involved in the negations. The way I feel about Kanye West's antics towards Taylor Swift and subsequently Beck, pales in comparison to how I feel about this stain on the intelligence of our own Congress of a letter. It is naive and extremely insulting and I am enraged that my Senator signed it. Not one person that signed this represents how I feel about this matter, not to mention many people for that matter and it wholly shows their ignorance to how our country actually solves these matters.
Like middle management going to the board, over their CEO's head, because they heard a rumor that he might be screwing the CEO of their competitor and it could effect their stock options. Or a group of teenage girls going the school board over the teachers and administrators, because they heard a rumor that they might allow sophomores to prom this year. Seriously, if it is laughable for normal people to behave this way, it is highly farcical for the people to be leading our country, like unbelievable. Yet here we are.
It is naive and condescending to actually think that a foreign government has no idea how our government works. I can not decided if they actually believed this, the naive part. Or if they are almost threatening Iran's government (and others in the future who would like to negotiate anything with the United States) and trying to coerce them into something, which if I was a country anywhere in this world would be disgusted then by the conduct that the American Government is participating in right now. Like any prudent person in this great nation, if we want to succeed at something, we study up and learn how to do or deal with the situation the correct way. So, are these 47 Senators trying to convey some notion that the Iranian Government does not do the same thing? That they are third rate, not up to par, need your coaching because they are that dumb? That even though they are negotiating with our government, they have no idea how it works so they need an inaccurate lesson on our constitution? Or is an empty display of dominance by intellectually and emotionally immature people who are trying to prove something?
This not only sets a precedence with foreign countries on the weakness of our own governments unity, but also for every predecessor to the Office of the President of the United States of America. The letter might has well read;
"Dear Mr or Ms. Presidents, your efforts here are unwanted and unneeded. We will do everything within our power, no matter how detrimental to our country, foreign policy matters included, to destroy any sort of credibility you, your office, your cabinet and half the American people may have mustered. Purely because we do not like you. Not because we actually read Edmund Burke, or Thomas Paine or Jefferson for that mater, or William F. Buckley, or Jean Kirkpatrick or even Reinhold Neibur, we actually do not know who any of them are because we hate university and critical thinking (learning in general)....we just do not like you because you have cooties that abort their babies and marry people of the same sex. We can not really have an intellectual conversation about what is happening, because we are still waiting on our congressional aides to give us script as to what to say. We actually do not have time, with fundraising and general dick s@#king of the upper class, to actually understand the history of what is going on, much less what the consequences and repercussions of any actions may be. So as a precaution we are going to send a totally disgusting and juvenile letter out to the world, just to make sure they know as much.
In Regards
47 Senators who have the mental and emotional maturity as a junior high school government"
Consequences of our actions. What angers me the most is just like the City of Kenosha's council people's behavior reflects on me as a citizen of the city so does our federal government's. Our government for the people, of the people and by the people. I do not care if you are the most ardent Republican or Democrat, you cannot do this. If you are a person in general you will suffer the consequences if you behave this way. That is not democracy, or a republic, it is not an honest form of government, it is not how our government, especially in dealing with foreign policy was meant to operate and the worst of all it is utterly embarrassing. In our 200+ years as a country, multiple wars, almost wars, diplomatic guffaws, working with the UN, working with NATO, forming sanctions or alliances has this ever happened. There is a reason why. For once in our lives why should these 47 Senator not suffer the consequences of their ignorant actions. They undermine the United States of American and its place in the world, it should grind the gears of both Democrats and Republicans alike. Here is a quote from one of their more experienced colleagues-
"I believe in a strong presidency. I don't know if I would have signed
the letter. I don't trust the president on this, quite frankly, though I
don't know if I'd go public with it to a foreign government," he said,
adding that it sets the wrong "precedent" to publicly go to a foreign
government to undermine the president of the United States while he or
she is dealing with that country.
-Peter King Repbulican-NY
Though our Vice President may have summed it up best-
"In thirty-six years in the United States Senate, I cannot recall
another instance in which Senators wrote directly to advise another
country -- much less a longtime foreign adversary -- that the
President does not have the constitutional authority to reach a
meaningful understanding with them. This letter sends a
highly misleading signal to friend and foe alike that that our
Commander-in-Chief cannot deliver on America’s commitments -- a
message that is as false as it is dangerous."
-Vice President Joe Biden (36 years folks, that is 1973 folks and Pres. George W. Bush, Pres. Bill Clinton, Pres. George H. Bush, Pres. Ronald Regan, Pres. Jimmy Carter and Pres. Gerald Ford.
Not to mention the vast amount of foreign policy shit that happened. Things
like, oh, the end of the Cold War, fall of the Berlin Wall and USSR,
multiple operations in Central and South American regarding Communist
Rebels, the whole Bosnian genocide and Rwandan genocide issues...god the
list goes on. Through all that, he has never seen or felt the need for
anything of the sort that these 47 Senators did.)
2016 I will be fighting for the candidates who have the intellectual, emotional and mental maturity to run our nation the way it deserves. No, it is not a bad thing to have a wide breadth of knowledge on a ton of issues and yes, it clearly does matter, read above. I have said it once and I will keep saying it, WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS- I am tired of being embarrassed, my country being embarrassed (especially when people have died for its tenets) by the people who are voted in to represent us- Every action has a reaction, if our leaders are too dense to understand it, are too dense for a little self-reflection, too dense to see beyond themselves to a greater wide world out there, then they deserve to go-
Me
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Chose Your Words Wisely
Politics aside, this is not about ideology or what each side perceives to be the right course of action, it is simply about our moral and ethical obligations to treat our fellow countrymen with dignity and respect because, it seems we have become a nation of assholes and it also seems that we are not only OK with it, we reward it. Yes, this post was inspired by the recent comments former Mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani, about how our President, who was voted into office two times by a majority of Americans and by extension that majority should also be offended because it seems we are all dumb enough to get duped into voting the man, does not love America, etc, etc, etc....a bunch of negative crap that neither does anything to help nor solve any problems. But it does do something and this what this blog is about.
For one thing, when he and other fringe politicos from the right and left say things as such, the worst of what they are doing is affirming certain peoples suspicions (regardless of how untrue they might be), beliefs, ideas, and most horribly their anger. My issues then is where does it stop? How can we be so sure that our entrenched beliefs and now anger does not turn into some monstrous form of hate. Hatred for a group of people whose only crime is not being exactly like the other group for whatever reason or another. Now, we as humans have a sorted history of pogroms, pitchfork wielding mobs, burning people at the stake, lynching, beheading, and worst of all GENOCIDE. Yeah, not only once or twice either. It took years of resentment and one asshole on the radio to set off a whole entire group of people in Rwanda in 1994 resulting in the death of more than 500,000 people. You know what he was doing on the radio?? Affirming one groups anger, hatred, suspicion and belief about another group of people with words. Powerful words filled with contempt and rage. You think Americans are too smart to fall for something like that? What happened in 1938 when Orson Welles narrated his story War of the Worlds? That was an unbelievable fictional story. When you hear the same thing day in and day out, it becomes reality, period.
Secondly when politicians spew venom, dagger of hatred and shade towards one another they are rewarded, by us. We give them support and we give them money. Money they do not deserve. This reinforces their behavior. How much did people pay to sit at that dinner with Giuliani and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker? Not only are they rewarded monetarily for this, we have a whole entire media industry that is paid to do this. Paid to create and promote some of the most negative awful proliferation of purely useless shade ever. It is so similar to the Nazi propaganda office BS it is vomit inducing. Furthermore, we support each other in our personal endeavors of damning the other on Facebook, on Instagram, Tweeting and what have you. It drives me crazy. Do we all have to believe the same thing, feel the same way, act the same way? No. But we do not have to be jerks about. Listen if you don't like Starbucks that is fine, who cares right? But we don't have to criticize people who actually go to Starbucks in our tirades on the inter-web. You prefer Dunkin Doughnuts over Krispy Kreme, awesome, you do not have to start a war in the comments section about how all the people who eat Krispy Kreme are devil worshiping ignoramuses hell bent on destroying our communities. They just like a warm free doughnut when the light is on. But, when we attack on a personal level there will always be people agreeing with us, affirming our beliefs after we affirmed their similar sneaking suspicions. And we wonder why we have a bullying problem with our children. Name calling and personal attacks are nothing but bullying with a different name. Because I prefer Starbucks over a gas station coffee does not make me crazy or snobby, it just means that I prefer Starbucks coffee over Kwik Trip.
That line of thinking leads me to my next point about how damaging this idea is to our country and society as a whole. Ironically it leads me to believe that these politicians and pundits have zero faith in our governing system. Our founding fathers created a government that has been touted for centuries, and rightly so, that is meant to protect us from tyranny and corruption. If you truly believe that our President of the United States Of America does not "love America enough" or is a dangerous communist hell bent on dismantling all that makes our country what it is what you are doing, aside from insulting everyone who holds similar beliefs and ideas, is projecting that the foundations of our government do not work. It reflects zero trust in our system and that is the fatal flaw. You logically cannot, in the same breath crow about how great the American system of government is, then say our country is in danger of being taken over by an anti-Christ, un-American President, whose office is only designed to hold as much power, if not less than our United States Congress and Supreme Court. There is nothing more anti-American than not believing in our system.
Lastly and most stinging is that its insulting and because of that we deserve better. All of us, it does not matter what political spectrum you hail from. We deserve politicians and political candidates, who get paid a lot of money mind you, who are bright enough and articulate enough to hold their own in a debate or speech without getting personally nasty towards another candidate or whole political party. Debating ideas and your particular ideologue in a constructive and conducive way is the only way things should be handled. Personally I would give more money and support to anyone of any political party who actually has enough common decency to be gracious for the position they are in, to be productive with their speech and criticism, and who understands that America has real problems to solve that do not benefit nor require juvenile name calling or spitting daggers directed in a personal nature. What is happening is the most vile ploy known to man. It is the proverbial selling of the soul to the devil for what you want, but it will come at a price. Just because it seems to be the easy way of getting what you want does not make it the right way. I am not a praying woman, but if I was, I would pray to God that this trend ends because it is doing nothing at all to help our country. A country that thousands of men and women have laid their life down with honor for. With free speech comes the ethical and the moral responsibility to use it correctly and might I add productively.
For one thing, when he and other fringe politicos from the right and left say things as such, the worst of what they are doing is affirming certain peoples suspicions (regardless of how untrue they might be), beliefs, ideas, and most horribly their anger. My issues then is where does it stop? How can we be so sure that our entrenched beliefs and now anger does not turn into some monstrous form of hate. Hatred for a group of people whose only crime is not being exactly like the other group for whatever reason or another. Now, we as humans have a sorted history of pogroms, pitchfork wielding mobs, burning people at the stake, lynching, beheading, and worst of all GENOCIDE. Yeah, not only once or twice either. It took years of resentment and one asshole on the radio to set off a whole entire group of people in Rwanda in 1994 resulting in the death of more than 500,000 people. You know what he was doing on the radio?? Affirming one groups anger, hatred, suspicion and belief about another group of people with words. Powerful words filled with contempt and rage. You think Americans are too smart to fall for something like that? What happened in 1938 when Orson Welles narrated his story War of the Worlds? That was an unbelievable fictional story. When you hear the same thing day in and day out, it becomes reality, period.
Secondly when politicians spew venom, dagger of hatred and shade towards one another they are rewarded, by us. We give them support and we give them money. Money they do not deserve. This reinforces their behavior. How much did people pay to sit at that dinner with Giuliani and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker? Not only are they rewarded monetarily for this, we have a whole entire media industry that is paid to do this. Paid to create and promote some of the most negative awful proliferation of purely useless shade ever. It is so similar to the Nazi propaganda office BS it is vomit inducing. Furthermore, we support each other in our personal endeavors of damning the other on Facebook, on Instagram, Tweeting and what have you. It drives me crazy. Do we all have to believe the same thing, feel the same way, act the same way? No. But we do not have to be jerks about. Listen if you don't like Starbucks that is fine, who cares right? But we don't have to criticize people who actually go to Starbucks in our tirades on the inter-web. You prefer Dunkin Doughnuts over Krispy Kreme, awesome, you do not have to start a war in the comments section about how all the people who eat Krispy Kreme are devil worshiping ignoramuses hell bent on destroying our communities. They just like a warm free doughnut when the light is on. But, when we attack on a personal level there will always be people agreeing with us, affirming our beliefs after we affirmed their similar sneaking suspicions. And we wonder why we have a bullying problem with our children. Name calling and personal attacks are nothing but bullying with a different name. Because I prefer Starbucks over a gas station coffee does not make me crazy or snobby, it just means that I prefer Starbucks coffee over Kwik Trip.
That line of thinking leads me to my next point about how damaging this idea is to our country and society as a whole. Ironically it leads me to believe that these politicians and pundits have zero faith in our governing system. Our founding fathers created a government that has been touted for centuries, and rightly so, that is meant to protect us from tyranny and corruption. If you truly believe that our President of the United States Of America does not "love America enough" or is a dangerous communist hell bent on dismantling all that makes our country what it is what you are doing, aside from insulting everyone who holds similar beliefs and ideas, is projecting that the foundations of our government do not work. It reflects zero trust in our system and that is the fatal flaw. You logically cannot, in the same breath crow about how great the American system of government is, then say our country is in danger of being taken over by an anti-Christ, un-American President, whose office is only designed to hold as much power, if not less than our United States Congress and Supreme Court. There is nothing more anti-American than not believing in our system.
Lastly and most stinging is that its insulting and because of that we deserve better. All of us, it does not matter what political spectrum you hail from. We deserve politicians and political candidates, who get paid a lot of money mind you, who are bright enough and articulate enough to hold their own in a debate or speech without getting personally nasty towards another candidate or whole political party. Debating ideas and your particular ideologue in a constructive and conducive way is the only way things should be handled. Personally I would give more money and support to anyone of any political party who actually has enough common decency to be gracious for the position they are in, to be productive with their speech and criticism, and who understands that America has real problems to solve that do not benefit nor require juvenile name calling or spitting daggers directed in a personal nature. What is happening is the most vile ploy known to man. It is the proverbial selling of the soul to the devil for what you want, but it will come at a price. Just because it seems to be the easy way of getting what you want does not make it the right way. I am not a praying woman, but if I was, I would pray to God that this trend ends because it is doing nothing at all to help our country. A country that thousands of men and women have laid their life down with honor for. With free speech comes the ethical and the moral responsibility to use it correctly and might I add productively.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Dedicated to my DOLFs-Deisgnated Obviously Large Friends: The Taller The Better
Ahhhh, I have not written in a long time. I think sometimes when people are so intensely into their issues in our world (vaccinations, how much we hate each other, terrorism, the like), it definitely puts me off writing. It feels futile in our vehemently "I am right!" society (regardless if we are right, we are always mother f*@&ing right). Anyways, I have also been traveling, spending 3 glorious weeks in Australia. It was glorious because not only are Australians laid back, fun, fantastic, and never assume they are always right. But, there are some seriously and gorgeously tall women! And on the heels of the announcement of Robin Lawley as a new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model (that hottie is 6'2'', a size 12 and Australian ) I am dedicating this post to all of my DOLFs out there. That's right, I am starting a new acronym for us, Designated Obviously Large Friend. This is in response to the new it term DUFF, Designated Ugly Fat Friend. A heinous attempt by Hollywood to makes light of the way we feel about each other and ourselves maybe? Anyways, if DUFFs are getting the spotlight, why can't DOLFs? Because face it, everyone out there has that tall friend. "Oh yeah, that one tall girl that was at my party, yeah her name is Shannon." or "Oh, well since you are so tall, and he is so tall, you have to be paired up as in the bridesmaid and groomsmen lines." "Omg you are not wearing heels tonight are you? Now you are going to be way taller than me!"
Here is my list of why us DOLFs need our own designation and spotlight!
1. DUFFs are totally average. All clothing and marketing is designed for them or their prettier average size friends (I am not sure what we are supposed to refer everyone else to) and their petite friends as well. DOLF's are 5'9'' and taller, size 6 and beyond. Clearly we look larger than the average female because we are also taller than a lot of the guys out there, hence average American male 5'8''. Growing up tall, gangly, clumsy and dealing with all the other teenage crap was difficult for many of us. I did not know that I might be slightly attractive to men until I went to Europe at the age of 22, it was the first time I had drinks bought for me. (A few years later my volleyball teammates at a bachelorette party ran into a professional sports team and lets just say....again it was nice to be appreciated for our height ;) ) American men have serious issues with tall women. Ask any girl who might be a DOLF how they feel when they see a 6'5'' guy bending down to kiss his 5'4'' girlfriend. What a waste of resources. Here is a shout out to any DOLF who has had to bend down to kiss their boyfriend or partner!! That my friends is confidence and love.
2. People assume that because we are tall, we are a size L. Try being 6' tall, with no boobs, but with broad shoulders. Yeah, nothing fits. Some of us are L's but others are M's and some could probably be an S, but god forbid any of those sizes but the L or XL will actually fit the one spot cloths never fit, our "linebacker" shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I love my shoulders, and all DOLFs shoulers. I find them strong looking, like Robin Lawley, they are awesome and powerful. But, I will admit, can be ridiculous looking in halter tops and shirts where the seam is half way between neck and shoulder. Not even mentioning sleeve issues here, that deserves a post on its own. Not only that, we have to contend with high water pants and maxi dresses constantly. Though more places now carry a long sizes, it is still hard since teenage goths are still keen on wearing pants that are way too long. Then there are the girls who are 5'7'' and think they need a 34'' inseam, bitch please. So there are still not enough "long" or "tall" clothing for women. Despite those clothing designations being picked apart like road kill by a vultures, there still remains a pristine hardly touched petite section. They get a whole damn section for themselves, despite America's over-weight and obesity rates. Is anyone else as confounded by this as I? If you know me, all I want to do is wear a jumpsuit or romper, with out a giant wedgie and camel toe, without my ass cheeks showing. Just like other women.
3. This brings me to the heels. I know many Obviously Large women who love to wear heals, myself for one, my 6'2'' sister and 6'2'' college volleyball teammate. Despite being a head taller than a majority of the places we go, I am still going to put on those heels. As a side note to all you men who think you are being smart when you walk by us, pause a beat, giggle and continue walking, yeah we know what you are doing. Ha ha yeah...we are so freakishly large. It is funny isn't it? Here is a secret, we use our high heels to detect all the douche bags in the bar and congratulations, you passed the douche bag test!! Go back to your average size woman, or maybe you are taking home the DUFF tonight. Awesome for you, keep staying mediocre. Because we are above average, literally. Which brings me to my last point.
4. Now, it is not that I do not love my shorter average size friends and family members. I do, but what you need to realize is that even though we may not have been DUFFs, most DOLFs were also not the "pretty ones" of the group either. It is hard to always feel normal or part of the group when you feel so out of place. At the age of 32 to hear "That's a huge bitch" no longer fazes me, in fact I laugh, but it didn't feel good at age 21. We are the butt of jokes, because when you are head and shoulders taller than everyone else, it is kind of funny, but do not tell that to a 5'11 16 year old. Which is why I am celebrating all the success of Robin Lawely, Ahsley Graham at 5'9'', and my favorite Myla Dalbesio who is 5'11''. The reason why I am loving them is because, unfortunately so many are not. Because they are larger than the average woman, overall, they are labeled differently than other models. However, they harken back to a time when being a model mean being strong, athletic, healthy looking and tall. Because the average American woman is now a size 14, with a 36 inch waist, and no where near 5'9'' even, the women are not deemed "normal" or "average enough" to represent the "real American woman." As indicated here, http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/05/calling-bs-on-our-plus-size-obsession.html, here http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/11/11/calvin-klein-plus-size-model-controversy/18843537/, here http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/10/calvin-klein-gets-a-plus-size-controversy-over-myla-dalbesio/?_r=0, and here http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/05/sports-illustrated-swimsuit-issue-plus-size-model. In essence, us taller and larger than average girls still can't win.We still can't fit in. There still is no place at the table.
It took me too many years to love being tall. Too much teenage angst, too many feelings of wishing I was not made the way I was. Everyone has body issues these days and we seem to feel confident in trashing people who are not exactly like us. The term DUFF is disgusting, it should not be glorified by people in Hollywood, or anywhere for that matter. I have zero Designated Ugly Fat Friends, because that term does not exist in normal peoples minds and no one should ever feel that they fit that description. It is hard feeling left out because of appearances, to be solely judged on them ("Hey do you play basketball, you are so tall you must play something?") There is beauty in everyone, regardless of size, or shape. Yes, we can be a little jealous, but let that jealousy lead to respect or admiration. And don't ever let the way someone else looks be a deciding factor in how we see ourselves. Just because someone is 5'6'' and someone else 6'1'' does not mean they do not struggle with something,, though someone 5'6'' can fit into a jumpsuit :(
And for the shorter girl at the concert, bitching because she is standing behind me, and "OMG she is ridiculously tall and should not be standing so near the front, she better not think it is OK for her to stand there", tough go sit on your 6'7'' boyfriends shoulders. To the guys at the bar thinking you are being "stealth" comparing yourself to the "that one tall bitch," we can sense your weakness like a lion senses fear. That is what I want all larger tall teenage girls to understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0 (NSFW but great song for when I feel crapped on :) I am an albatross, larger than the average bird)
Here is my list of why us DOLFs need our own designation and spotlight!
1. DUFFs are totally average. All clothing and marketing is designed for them or their prettier average size friends (I am not sure what we are supposed to refer everyone else to) and their petite friends as well. DOLF's are 5'9'' and taller, size 6 and beyond. Clearly we look larger than the average female because we are also taller than a lot of the guys out there, hence average American male 5'8''. Growing up tall, gangly, clumsy and dealing with all the other teenage crap was difficult for many of us. I did not know that I might be slightly attractive to men until I went to Europe at the age of 22, it was the first time I had drinks bought for me. (A few years later my volleyball teammates at a bachelorette party ran into a professional sports team and lets just say....again it was nice to be appreciated for our height ;) ) American men have serious issues with tall women. Ask any girl who might be a DOLF how they feel when they see a 6'5'' guy bending down to kiss his 5'4'' girlfriend. What a waste of resources. Here is a shout out to any DOLF who has had to bend down to kiss their boyfriend or partner!! That my friends is confidence and love.
2. People assume that because we are tall, we are a size L. Try being 6' tall, with no boobs, but with broad shoulders. Yeah, nothing fits. Some of us are L's but others are M's and some could probably be an S, but god forbid any of those sizes but the L or XL will actually fit the one spot cloths never fit, our "linebacker" shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I love my shoulders, and all DOLFs shoulers. I find them strong looking, like Robin Lawley, they are awesome and powerful. But, I will admit, can be ridiculous looking in halter tops and shirts where the seam is half way between neck and shoulder. Not even mentioning sleeve issues here, that deserves a post on its own. Not only that, we have to contend with high water pants and maxi dresses constantly. Though more places now carry a long sizes, it is still hard since teenage goths are still keen on wearing pants that are way too long. Then there are the girls who are 5'7'' and think they need a 34'' inseam, bitch please. So there are still not enough "long" or "tall" clothing for women. Despite those clothing designations being picked apart like road kill by a vultures, there still remains a pristine hardly touched petite section. They get a whole damn section for themselves, despite America's over-weight and obesity rates. Is anyone else as confounded by this as I? If you know me, all I want to do is wear a jumpsuit or romper, with out a giant wedgie and camel toe, without my ass cheeks showing. Just like other women.
3. This brings me to the heels. I know many Obviously Large women who love to wear heals, myself for one, my 6'2'' sister and 6'2'' college volleyball teammate. Despite being a head taller than a majority of the places we go, I am still going to put on those heels. As a side note to all you men who think you are being smart when you walk by us, pause a beat, giggle and continue walking, yeah we know what you are doing. Ha ha yeah...we are so freakishly large. It is funny isn't it? Here is a secret, we use our high heels to detect all the douche bags in the bar and congratulations, you passed the douche bag test!! Go back to your average size woman, or maybe you are taking home the DUFF tonight. Awesome for you, keep staying mediocre. Because we are above average, literally. Which brings me to my last point.
4. Now, it is not that I do not love my shorter average size friends and family members. I do, but what you need to realize is that even though we may not have been DUFFs, most DOLFs were also not the "pretty ones" of the group either. It is hard to always feel normal or part of the group when you feel so out of place. At the age of 32 to hear "That's a huge bitch" no longer fazes me, in fact I laugh, but it didn't feel good at age 21. We are the butt of jokes, because when you are head and shoulders taller than everyone else, it is kind of funny, but do not tell that to a 5'11 16 year old. Which is why I am celebrating all the success of Robin Lawely, Ahsley Graham at 5'9'', and my favorite Myla Dalbesio who is 5'11''. The reason why I am loving them is because, unfortunately so many are not. Because they are larger than the average woman, overall, they are labeled differently than other models. However, they harken back to a time when being a model mean being strong, athletic, healthy looking and tall. Because the average American woman is now a size 14, with a 36 inch waist, and no where near 5'9'' even, the women are not deemed "normal" or "average enough" to represent the "real American woman." As indicated here, http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/05/calling-bs-on-our-plus-size-obsession.html, here http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/11/11/calvin-klein-plus-size-model-controversy/18843537/, here http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/10/calvin-klein-gets-a-plus-size-controversy-over-myla-dalbesio/?_r=0, and here http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/05/sports-illustrated-swimsuit-issue-plus-size-model. In essence, us taller and larger than average girls still can't win.We still can't fit in. There still is no place at the table.
It took me too many years to love being tall. Too much teenage angst, too many feelings of wishing I was not made the way I was. Everyone has body issues these days and we seem to feel confident in trashing people who are not exactly like us. The term DUFF is disgusting, it should not be glorified by people in Hollywood, or anywhere for that matter. I have zero Designated Ugly Fat Friends, because that term does not exist in normal peoples minds and no one should ever feel that they fit that description. It is hard feeling left out because of appearances, to be solely judged on them ("Hey do you play basketball, you are so tall you must play something?") There is beauty in everyone, regardless of size, or shape. Yes, we can be a little jealous, but let that jealousy lead to respect or admiration. And don't ever let the way someone else looks be a deciding factor in how we see ourselves. Just because someone is 5'6'' and someone else 6'1'' does not mean they do not struggle with something,, though someone 5'6'' can fit into a jumpsuit :(
And for the shorter girl at the concert, bitching because she is standing behind me, and "OMG she is ridiculously tall and should not be standing so near the front, she better not think it is OK for her to stand there", tough go sit on your 6'7'' boyfriends shoulders. To the guys at the bar thinking you are being "stealth" comparing yourself to the "that one tall bitch," we can sense your weakness like a lion senses fear. That is what I want all larger tall teenage girls to understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0 (NSFW but great song for when I feel crapped on :) I am an albatross, larger than the average bird)
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
The Price of Waiting-
On Sunday night Ed and I were watching some documentary on Adolf Hitler, which essentially are all the same because they are born from the need to figure out what the hell happened. How can a single soul be responsible for all those deaths, leading people not only to be slaughtered but also to become the butchers. All being led like sheep to literal death or the death of a soul not strong enough to overcome the powerful siren call of a hateful demagogue. Saying so much of what people wanted to hear that they forgot he was also a dangerous agitator. This day, in 1944, forever marks the downfall of Hitler's Germany and along with it, the broken seal of his powerful spell on the people in that country. When we, or our fellow allies, look back on World War II it is with pride that we were on the right side. We all helped to destroy on of the worlds greatest evils, but at a cost. We waited, and waited, and waited. We watched, we turned children away seeking safety in our country, we turned away refuges trying to escape the unearned wrath of a crazy megalomaniac hell bent on their destruction. We tucked back into our turtle shell of safety and prosperity when Europe, China, and most of SE Asia were being torn to pieces. We. Waited. And. Waited. Until we were angry enough to say enough is enough. When the destruction and coldblooded killings of our citizens finally and literally hit home. So on this day, the anniversary day of one of the most important battles my nation has ever fought in and won, I am imploring everyone around the world to wait no more.
Today my heart is breaking for the 120+ people, mostly children being slaughtered by Taliban gunmen at a school in Peshawar province in Pakistan. Children in a school. Yesterday Australia experienced its own horror as two citizens, a 38yr old mother of three and a 34 year old young man, lost their lives in a stand off with gunman. Both described as hero's by other hostages, both paid the price of moral uprightness in this world. On one hand you have innocent children, on the other adults with everything to lose, giving it all up to help another. When real life parallels our fantasy, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Lord of the Rings, where innocents and the morally strong are violently offed, there is something wrong and we cannot afford to wait anymore.
Sometimes I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by the evil people that inhabit this world with us. Those are two examples in two days, not counting our recent events in Pennsylvania, or ISIS's latest murder or slaughter. It keeps happening. And here we are waiting, waiting for this shit to get real. I hate to say it, but, it is real. Everyday scores of people all over the world leave their homes seeking out, what they misguidedly feel is a just fight. Falling pray to the siren calls of the likes of ISIS, the Taliban or Al Qaeda who are unfortunately filling the void of a society set on waking early, trudging to work most of the day, and coming home to eat dinner and for what? The promise of a better life, looking to a bright future. We are constantly waiting. Waiting for things to get better. Waiting for things to get worse. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Ironically, what we fail to realize, what our governments fail to realize, what governments all over the world fail to realize, is that the waiting means nothing when we forget to take care of the present.
I will never understand the inaction of man. The inaction of diplomats around the world and the people at will. What are our limits and when will we finally say enough is enough? How many more children have to die in this world, alone and terrified before it finally hits a point where we no longer can come home from work at night, sit down in front of our TV's, eat dinner and forget about everything that happened that day? When will we be angry enough to end this evil? To finally make a plan, to say something that gives people hope. To help everyone realize that they are not alone in their fight against the evil that we know today. Even if we can't make it to save the innocent that they are not dying in vain, that we know what happens and that we will remember. That someday we will not longer be able to wait. We condemn with weak voices and condone with inaction.
To preserve peace, it has to be the actual goal. That has to be what we are fighting for in the present, whether in our own lives, in our communities or in our wide and tumultuous world. A peaceful future is a better future, a peaceful future is a prosperous future. When will we learn it is not the other way around? Prosperity over peace will always be an algorithm for inaction. Innocents are dying all over the world and at home, I guess in some respects it has always been this way. But, I like to think that sometime, in the near future, enlightenment and mindfulness will win out. We will again form meaningful alliances to end the nightmare we are calling our lives here on earth and really work for peace. Stand together in the name of peace with strong voices, for there are no cultural misunderstanding when it comes to slaughtering innocents. This is my real holiday wish.
Today my heart is breaking for the 120+ people, mostly children being slaughtered by Taliban gunmen at a school in Peshawar province in Pakistan. Children in a school. Yesterday Australia experienced its own horror as two citizens, a 38yr old mother of three and a 34 year old young man, lost their lives in a stand off with gunman. Both described as hero's by other hostages, both paid the price of moral uprightness in this world. On one hand you have innocent children, on the other adults with everything to lose, giving it all up to help another. When real life parallels our fantasy, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Lord of the Rings, where innocents and the morally strong are violently offed, there is something wrong and we cannot afford to wait anymore.
Sometimes I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by the evil people that inhabit this world with us. Those are two examples in two days, not counting our recent events in Pennsylvania, or ISIS's latest murder or slaughter. It keeps happening. And here we are waiting, waiting for this shit to get real. I hate to say it, but, it is real. Everyday scores of people all over the world leave their homes seeking out, what they misguidedly feel is a just fight. Falling pray to the siren calls of the likes of ISIS, the Taliban or Al Qaeda who are unfortunately filling the void of a society set on waking early, trudging to work most of the day, and coming home to eat dinner and for what? The promise of a better life, looking to a bright future. We are constantly waiting. Waiting for things to get better. Waiting for things to get worse. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Ironically, what we fail to realize, what our governments fail to realize, what governments all over the world fail to realize, is that the waiting means nothing when we forget to take care of the present.
I will never understand the inaction of man. The inaction of diplomats around the world and the people at will. What are our limits and when will we finally say enough is enough? How many more children have to die in this world, alone and terrified before it finally hits a point where we no longer can come home from work at night, sit down in front of our TV's, eat dinner and forget about everything that happened that day? When will we be angry enough to end this evil? To finally make a plan, to say something that gives people hope. To help everyone realize that they are not alone in their fight against the evil that we know today. Even if we can't make it to save the innocent that they are not dying in vain, that we know what happens and that we will remember. That someday we will not longer be able to wait. We condemn with weak voices and condone with inaction.
To preserve peace, it has to be the actual goal. That has to be what we are fighting for in the present, whether in our own lives, in our communities or in our wide and tumultuous world. A peaceful future is a better future, a peaceful future is a prosperous future. When will we learn it is not the other way around? Prosperity over peace will always be an algorithm for inaction. Innocents are dying all over the world and at home, I guess in some respects it has always been this way. But, I like to think that sometime, in the near future, enlightenment and mindfulness will win out. We will again form meaningful alliances to end the nightmare we are calling our lives here on earth and really work for peace. Stand together in the name of peace with strong voices, for there are no cultural misunderstanding when it comes to slaughtering innocents. This is my real holiday wish.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
The Beautful Truth?
I just read a preview, unfortunately, of a Kim Kardashian interview for the upcoming edition of Elle UK. In that interview she, ah, actually attributes her pregnancy weight gain to God punishing her for her relative hotness. I say relative because, hey, everybody has their prerogatives when it comes to attraction, but this....I can't, I just can't. Left reeling and dumbstruck by this profoundly mindless and ignorant statement, I just can't. But, it really does reflect our societies obsession with "looks." This comes on the heels of an article I also mistakenly read yesterday about an alarming cosmetic procedure where they actually inject botox into ones calves to arrest and therefore shrink the muscle so women with "large" calves can fit into boots. The woman, who was discussing this procedure actually described how she felt about the results as such, "I can fit the boots on now… If you look good, you are treated
differently, so I’ll always be interested in strange cosmetic treatments." Is this how many of us feel about all things beautiful? What is it about this very limited view of beauty that we accept, embrace, and/or actually strive for? Do we actually believe this type of beauty equates to power and if so is that a good thing?
It is funny because this is a topic I have been thinking and wanting to write about for a very long time now, but it feels like this week has possessed the appropriate amount of frustration, amusement, discussion, and reflection on this topic. For starters on Monday, I received a swimsuit ordered online for an upcoming trip. Like any fashion forward DINK Yuppie women in their thirties, I ordered a two piece that can be mixed and matched with existing suits I own. I chose between two bottoms, mostly by staring intently at the models arses to determine which bottom had the most coverage, mostly because well personal preferences (I have a very acceptable fear of wax getting near things where wax just does not belong OK) and I just am not sure I dig the wedgie like nature of those tiny Brazilian bottoms that look oh so sexy on a toned, tanned angel. After much deliberation and staring, I thought I made the right choice. Low and behold I ripped open that package, picked up that tiny bottom and well, immediately gasped, stifled a disbelieving laugh, because wouldn't you know it, they were the damn Brazilian bottoms I worked so hard to avoid. In jest I tried them on, then with much goading, tried them on again for my husband. Despite the laughable nature of how much they did not fit, it struck me that it did not bother me that they did not fit. The first thought that came to mind was the fact that, their sizing is just ridiculous and whatever it is not like I NEEDED to look good in these or any swimsuit for that matter, not the whole self-conscious lament, "OMFG I am so FAT, I cannot believe they do not fit! I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah!" We so often hear, say or complain to our friends about. I am totally guilty as charged, as well as probably all of my friends. But, neither myself nor my friends are trolls. In fact I know no trolls. I felt good that I did not think that, it was peaceful and nice. We, and by we I mean most women, are so concerned with how we look so often that we forget to think about how we feel, which effect us more than how we look and ironically effects how we see ourselves.
Why are we feeling so insecure about ourselves that we will pay thousands of dollars to potentially kill ourselves with a pulmonary embolism from injecting botox into our legs? No one is standing on my door telling me that I should loss the ass pounds that are keeping me from fitting into that unrealistically sized Brazilian bikini bottom, although the length of my torso was also an issue. When I am having a good time on Bondi beach, I am going to be more worried about a shark than what my body looks like in a suit. I know this for a fact because I have taken a lot of beach vacations with friends and family and the last thing I am ever thinking about is how someone looks in their suit. How trivial, even the idea of stressing about our bods in a world full of strife and suffering is about as bizarre as Kim Kardashian's logic about pregnancy weight gain. I get that we women and even some men have what we decided are very real and painful body image issues. We obsess about our body issues. You cannot peruse the internet for even an hour without happening upon a weight loss or "body shaming" article. People have made songs around it, petition companies and models about it. We obsess about this and we place blame on everyone and everything. I understand that these are very real issues for many women, but sometimes I cannot help but think we are giving up a lot of our power to feel alive, good and grateful to forces that are not, well real, for lack of a better term. In addition and ironically in our quest to block out the forces we trivialize others insecurities or issues to make us feel better about ourselves. I do believe it is one of the biggest reason why women are so awful to other women, and it is all just needless. We do not need to feel or do these things. What we need to feel grateful for our health, well being, and ability to live.
This weeks blog dujour making the rounds I noticed was written by a woman who is amazed by the fact that her husband loves her and wants to do her every morning, despite the fact that her body is, as she believes, destroyed from having children. Now, here is where I would think our rape culture and beauty culture would paradoxically unite to prove to women that men not only will screw pretty much anything (including passed out drugged women resembling a dabble in necrophilia disgustingly) , but actually love us for US. I have never dated a man who liked me only for my looks and I am betting neither has a majority of women and how sad would that be if we did. It is already sad enough that women like Kim Kardashian clearly only find value in their beauty, when I am sure (and I am being charitable here) that they do have other aspects to offer. I would bet my meager life savings that Kanye West loves her more for being a great mother to his child than for her beauty. Additionally, none of my friends are my friends purely for their looks or beauty and I am 100% certain it is vice versa because it is not how any of us define ourselves. So it bothers me that so many people are hung up on this. It bothers me that we need to hear from another woman whether it be Meghan Trainor, Nicki Minaj, or the woman from the blog that it does not matter if we are not in possession of model like good looks. We have manifested this idea that our bodies are the end all be all, and that it is because society has deemed that they be a certain way, yada yada yada, but in reality the body is nothing but a vessel for our minds and our soul. Feeling healthy and being healthy, being happy and contributing to our families and communities to make them a better place is more important than what we look like. Striving to fit into our self created limited box of what is beautiful is only keeping us from really transcending the non-issues that we let clutter our life and minds. To be honest I have been stressing about getting rid of 5 pounds for my upcoming trip, but that was perfectly wiped away by actually NOT fitting into those ridiculous bikini bottoms. It is such a habit and struggle for us that we need to really work on not doing this anymore. Truly ugly people, on the inside, are the only ones who actually believe in the religion of vanity. Those people are not important and the voices in our heads are not real. I guarantee no one is standing on your doorstep and if there is someone, they probably just want to talk about a certain bible verse and move on to your neighbor.
It is funny because this is a topic I have been thinking and wanting to write about for a very long time now, but it feels like this week has possessed the appropriate amount of frustration, amusement, discussion, and reflection on this topic. For starters on Monday, I received a swimsuit ordered online for an upcoming trip. Like any fashion forward DINK Yuppie women in their thirties, I ordered a two piece that can be mixed and matched with existing suits I own. I chose between two bottoms, mostly by staring intently at the models arses to determine which bottom had the most coverage, mostly because well personal preferences (I have a very acceptable fear of wax getting near things where wax just does not belong OK) and I just am not sure I dig the wedgie like nature of those tiny Brazilian bottoms that look oh so sexy on a toned, tanned angel. After much deliberation and staring, I thought I made the right choice. Low and behold I ripped open that package, picked up that tiny bottom and well, immediately gasped, stifled a disbelieving laugh, because wouldn't you know it, they were the damn Brazilian bottoms I worked so hard to avoid. In jest I tried them on, then with much goading, tried them on again for my husband. Despite the laughable nature of how much they did not fit, it struck me that it did not bother me that they did not fit. The first thought that came to mind was the fact that, their sizing is just ridiculous and whatever it is not like I NEEDED to look good in these or any swimsuit for that matter, not the whole self-conscious lament, "OMFG I am so FAT, I cannot believe they do not fit! I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah!" We so often hear, say or complain to our friends about. I am totally guilty as charged, as well as probably all of my friends. But, neither myself nor my friends are trolls. In fact I know no trolls. I felt good that I did not think that, it was peaceful and nice. We, and by we I mean most women, are so concerned with how we look so often that we forget to think about how we feel, which effect us more than how we look and ironically effects how we see ourselves.
Why are we feeling so insecure about ourselves that we will pay thousands of dollars to potentially kill ourselves with a pulmonary embolism from injecting botox into our legs? No one is standing on my door telling me that I should loss the ass pounds that are keeping me from fitting into that unrealistically sized Brazilian bikini bottom, although the length of my torso was also an issue. When I am having a good time on Bondi beach, I am going to be more worried about a shark than what my body looks like in a suit. I know this for a fact because I have taken a lot of beach vacations with friends and family and the last thing I am ever thinking about is how someone looks in their suit. How trivial, even the idea of stressing about our bods in a world full of strife and suffering is about as bizarre as Kim Kardashian's logic about pregnancy weight gain. I get that we women and even some men have what we decided are very real and painful body image issues. We obsess about our body issues. You cannot peruse the internet for even an hour without happening upon a weight loss or "body shaming" article. People have made songs around it, petition companies and models about it. We obsess about this and we place blame on everyone and everything. I understand that these are very real issues for many women, but sometimes I cannot help but think we are giving up a lot of our power to feel alive, good and grateful to forces that are not, well real, for lack of a better term. In addition and ironically in our quest to block out the forces we trivialize others insecurities or issues to make us feel better about ourselves. I do believe it is one of the biggest reason why women are so awful to other women, and it is all just needless. We do not need to feel or do these things. What we need to feel grateful for our health, well being, and ability to live.
This weeks blog dujour making the rounds I noticed was written by a woman who is amazed by the fact that her husband loves her and wants to do her every morning, despite the fact that her body is, as she believes, destroyed from having children. Now, here is where I would think our rape culture and beauty culture would paradoxically unite to prove to women that men not only will screw pretty much anything (including passed out drugged women resembling a dabble in necrophilia disgustingly) , but actually love us for US. I have never dated a man who liked me only for my looks and I am betting neither has a majority of women and how sad would that be if we did. It is already sad enough that women like Kim Kardashian clearly only find value in their beauty, when I am sure (and I am being charitable here) that they do have other aspects to offer. I would bet my meager life savings that Kanye West loves her more for being a great mother to his child than for her beauty. Additionally, none of my friends are my friends purely for their looks or beauty and I am 100% certain it is vice versa because it is not how any of us define ourselves. So it bothers me that so many people are hung up on this. It bothers me that we need to hear from another woman whether it be Meghan Trainor, Nicki Minaj, or the woman from the blog that it does not matter if we are not in possession of model like good looks. We have manifested this idea that our bodies are the end all be all, and that it is because society has deemed that they be a certain way, yada yada yada, but in reality the body is nothing but a vessel for our minds and our soul. Feeling healthy and being healthy, being happy and contributing to our families and communities to make them a better place is more important than what we look like. Striving to fit into our self created limited box of what is beautiful is only keeping us from really transcending the non-issues that we let clutter our life and minds. To be honest I have been stressing about getting rid of 5 pounds for my upcoming trip, but that was perfectly wiped away by actually NOT fitting into those ridiculous bikini bottoms. It is such a habit and struggle for us that we need to really work on not doing this anymore. Truly ugly people, on the inside, are the only ones who actually believe in the religion of vanity. Those people are not important and the voices in our heads are not real. I guarantee no one is standing on your doorstep and if there is someone, they probably just want to talk about a certain bible verse and move on to your neighbor.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Living with an Undeveloped Frontal Cortex: Being a Teenager
If I picture myself having a teenage child (and before you get all holy on me, yes all I can do is imagine and I am very well aware that it is totally different than experiencing so no need to lecture me on not "knowing.") I imagine myself being very laid back, but clear in my expectations, like a french parent. The last time we visited France, we stayed with wonderful friends who had teenage sons at the time. The oldest having spent his adolescence in America, was greatly enjoying the perks of being a youth en France. Room to explore and mess up, yet possessing a restrained and pragmatic responsibility. ( I attribute this to their ridiculously deep curriculum and amazingly mature expectations from most adults involved in their lives) Not that is a perfect notion for everyone, I thoroughly enjoyed the short time we were there watching him navigate fairly successfully this new terrain, but, his parents were French so of course. With freedom comes expectations, and these kids clearly understood the deal. Funny, but, it is kind of how Cher Horowitz in "Clueless" behaves and understands the world. Summed up best when she drops this actually poignant line to her friend about drugs. "It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day." That sentiment can be applied to everything and anything. It is a fine line for children lacking fully developed brains to comprehend, there for as adults, we simply have to take the lead, teach, and be authority figures.
I say this from a place of love, of worry, and of complete and total annoyance. For any adult who frequents the music scene, the sight of teenagers at shows and festivals has become so prevalent you sometimes wonder if you accidentally happened upon a One Direction concert. Low and behold you are then completely bowled over by much of their behavior, the fact that they are unsupervised, only compounded by what their parents actually let them leave the house dressed like Julia Robers in "Pretty Woman" and not after the rich guy buys her a new wardrobe. Neigh, these are not dens of sin or mass orgies, but they are certainly not wholesome either. For example last night, I attended a show with my sister-in-law ans her husband where there were 5 bands playing. By the time the 5th and final band made it out, not only was in 11:30 pm on a school night, the lead singer was so trashed and high there were parts of songs he could not even muster enough "together-ness" to sing. We could not ever pin-point what he possibly could have been on. He was up, down and all around. Additionally, there was enough magical smoke wafting around to induce even the most practiced burn-out into a slight high. Multiple fights almost broke out, liquor was flowing and here is what gets me, parents of teenage girls, there are very much predictors attending these events. If I know this problem exist, you best believe they look forward to it. Teenage girls in their short, high waist shorts, replete with crop or bra top, (surprisingly winter or summer) drunk on stolen liquor (probably from your own cabinets) losing all sense of control or awareness of their surroundings. If I was a male or female pervert I would be there loving every second of it looking for my next victim. It bothers me intensely that these teenagers, behaving irresponsibly are left to fend for themselves. WE HAVE A RAPE CULTURE PROBLEM FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON PEOPLE!
I am not easily shocked nor impressed by other people and their behavior. I also get that kids will be kids, if you knew me in high school. But, last summer was my first and last time at Lollapalooza, despite knowing and loving most of the bands that play. I will never spend that much money only to encounter the teenage debauchery that currently resides at that festival. It is not isolated, it infiltrates Grant Park the whole time. From the idiots openly smoking a joint, to those so drunk they pee and vomit on themselves, nary a parental unit in sight. Just last night a group of what looked to be your typical suburban lanky blonds, decked out in teenager mandatory show uniform, were kindly escorted out by security after their drunken antics alienated everyone surrounding them. I tell you, if I got that call at 10:30 on a school night you better believe that daughter will not see the light of day except to and from school until well into the new year. Here is the thing, they were warned multiple times, by multiple adults surrounding them that if they did not amend their behavior action would be taken. It was answered with a scoff and eye-roll. They clearly have not seen "Clueless", nor were raised by the French. They were obtuse. They were obtuse because they are teenagers. They are obtuse because they do not have fully developed brains and they need guidance, no matter how much they believe otherwise. I cannot impart enough that we need to stop being friends with our teenage population and start behaving like the authority figures we as adults are. Had I or any adult surround those kids been of a different mindset, their parents would have gotten a much different call at the end of the night.
There were examples of amazingly behaved teenagers who were at the show last night, as well as many other shows I have been to, who are clearly there for the music. They keep to themselves, they are aware and are getting an amazing experience. There were also parents present clearly accompanying minors, but for everyone of those there is a group with no supervision behaving so stupid it is surprising evolution has not swooped in yet. Even if you have the best teenager in the world, you cannot control what other people do around them, but we can do a better job of preparing them to remain safe and I am just not seeing that. You cannot give freedom without guidance and expectation. I am not sure what grinds me the most, the fact that I am paying for my ticket and would like to enjoy the show without seeing a teenager on the verge of being assaulted, vomiting on themselves, talking loudly, taking selfies and not listening to the show. Or the notion that Mom and Dad willingly bought them a ticket, sent them on their way, oblivious to the dangers of a standing room only, general admission show, especially when the teenage son or daughter has every intention of getting completely plowed during their outing. It is one thing (though totally not much better) to drop your kiddie off at a stadium show with assigned seats, but it is another to let them roam around pit of sweating, inebriated bodies with reckless drunken abandon. I truly feel like parents in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs believe the two weekends Lollapalooza comes to town is an awesome vacation for them without their kids. Get them their weekend passes, send them on a train with a hundo, and let them fend for themselves. I was an awful teenager, by all means there was no perfection from me, but my mother and father just said NO because they knew me. Which is why I am pretty sure I am where I am today. Alive with not much mental damage. When I got to college my freshman year, my older sister also kindly told me NO to many things I wanted to do. I will leave you with a saying from her, it was a night that I wanted her to go to a bar I could sneak into, instead of the more strict one her and her friends were going to, it has stuck with me for the rest of my life. "Sometimes there are things in life that you want to do, that you just cannot or have to wait for."
I say this from a place of love, of worry, and of complete and total annoyance. For any adult who frequents the music scene, the sight of teenagers at shows and festivals has become so prevalent you sometimes wonder if you accidentally happened upon a One Direction concert. Low and behold you are then completely bowled over by much of their behavior, the fact that they are unsupervised, only compounded by what their parents actually let them leave the house dressed like Julia Robers in "Pretty Woman" and not after the rich guy buys her a new wardrobe. Neigh, these are not dens of sin or mass orgies, but they are certainly not wholesome either. For example last night, I attended a show with my sister-in-law ans her husband where there were 5 bands playing. By the time the 5th and final band made it out, not only was in 11:30 pm on a school night, the lead singer was so trashed and high there were parts of songs he could not even muster enough "together-ness" to sing. We could not ever pin-point what he possibly could have been on. He was up, down and all around. Additionally, there was enough magical smoke wafting around to induce even the most practiced burn-out into a slight high. Multiple fights almost broke out, liquor was flowing and here is what gets me, parents of teenage girls, there are very much predictors attending these events. If I know this problem exist, you best believe they look forward to it. Teenage girls in their short, high waist shorts, replete with crop or bra top, (surprisingly winter or summer) drunk on stolen liquor (probably from your own cabinets) losing all sense of control or awareness of their surroundings. If I was a male or female pervert I would be there loving every second of it looking for my next victim. It bothers me intensely that these teenagers, behaving irresponsibly are left to fend for themselves. WE HAVE A RAPE CULTURE PROBLEM FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON PEOPLE!
I am not easily shocked nor impressed by other people and their behavior. I also get that kids will be kids, if you knew me in high school. But, last summer was my first and last time at Lollapalooza, despite knowing and loving most of the bands that play. I will never spend that much money only to encounter the teenage debauchery that currently resides at that festival. It is not isolated, it infiltrates Grant Park the whole time. From the idiots openly smoking a joint, to those so drunk they pee and vomit on themselves, nary a parental unit in sight. Just last night a group of what looked to be your typical suburban lanky blonds, decked out in teenager mandatory show uniform, were kindly escorted out by security after their drunken antics alienated everyone surrounding them. I tell you, if I got that call at 10:30 on a school night you better believe that daughter will not see the light of day except to and from school until well into the new year. Here is the thing, they were warned multiple times, by multiple adults surrounding them that if they did not amend their behavior action would be taken. It was answered with a scoff and eye-roll. They clearly have not seen "Clueless", nor were raised by the French. They were obtuse. They were obtuse because they are teenagers. They are obtuse because they do not have fully developed brains and they need guidance, no matter how much they believe otherwise. I cannot impart enough that we need to stop being friends with our teenage population and start behaving like the authority figures we as adults are. Had I or any adult surround those kids been of a different mindset, their parents would have gotten a much different call at the end of the night.
There were examples of amazingly behaved teenagers who were at the show last night, as well as many other shows I have been to, who are clearly there for the music. They keep to themselves, they are aware and are getting an amazing experience. There were also parents present clearly accompanying minors, but for everyone of those there is a group with no supervision behaving so stupid it is surprising evolution has not swooped in yet. Even if you have the best teenager in the world, you cannot control what other people do around them, but we can do a better job of preparing them to remain safe and I am just not seeing that. You cannot give freedom without guidance and expectation. I am not sure what grinds me the most, the fact that I am paying for my ticket and would like to enjoy the show without seeing a teenager on the verge of being assaulted, vomiting on themselves, talking loudly, taking selfies and not listening to the show. Or the notion that Mom and Dad willingly bought them a ticket, sent them on their way, oblivious to the dangers of a standing room only, general admission show, especially when the teenage son or daughter has every intention of getting completely plowed during their outing. It is one thing (though totally not much better) to drop your kiddie off at a stadium show with assigned seats, but it is another to let them roam around pit of sweating, inebriated bodies with reckless drunken abandon. I truly feel like parents in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs believe the two weekends Lollapalooza comes to town is an awesome vacation for them without their kids. Get them their weekend passes, send them on a train with a hundo, and let them fend for themselves. I was an awful teenager, by all means there was no perfection from me, but my mother and father just said NO because they knew me. Which is why I am pretty sure I am where I am today. Alive with not much mental damage. When I got to college my freshman year, my older sister also kindly told me NO to many things I wanted to do. I will leave you with a saying from her, it was a night that I wanted her to go to a bar I could sneak into, instead of the more strict one her and her friends were going to, it has stuck with me for the rest of my life. "Sometimes there are things in life that you want to do, that you just cannot or have to wait for."
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
The Unknown
"You know nothing Jon Snow." The line used so many times by Ygrette in Game of Thrones. It symbolizes so many things, his true naivete, literal lack of knowledge, and also as a general reminder. The great thing about their love story is that Jon Snow understands and accepts that he knows what he knows, but he is so willing to learn more. Is Ygrette a little harsh in her delivery? Yes, but at the same time she allows Jon Snow to see for himself, to understand and to truly know what it is that drives her and many others. She does not simply tell him, she makes him see for himself. The fact that Jon Snow knows nothing is a true gift in the morally bankrupt land of Westeros. Admitting to knowing nothing is a vulnerability so many of us will never surrender to because we believe it is a weakness. Knowing nothing, does not mean you literally know nothing, it just means that you will probably never know enough about others and their experience to generalize, that you realize you are coming from a different place. For example, I am particularly sensitive when I read or experience something or someone trying to invalidate my emotions or feelings. One of the reasons it bothers me to no end, is because no matter how much you think you know, lets say about life in general, you will never feel or experience a problem or situation like someone else because YOU DO NOT POSES THEIR MEMORIES, EXPERIENCES, OR PAST ACTIONS. Why the shouting all caps? Because too many of us offer unsolicited advice and opinions, one of my biggest pet peeves. If you already experience low self confidence, a self-questioning nature, or host a rather-able large size of insecurities it only drives you mad and further down. I do not know enough about anything, it drives me crazy when people believe they do and commit the above grievance.
I am bringing this up because it is the holidays. We are required to see family we spend a year trying to avoid, acquaintances at parties who are only acquaintances for a reason, and because of all the recent events in the news media. (And every snarky blogger/pundit out their with a damning opinion of everyone else but themselves....because, damn it, the masses just do not get it. Hello Grad School, we meet again?) I just want us to take a step back this holiday season, or dismount our proverbial high horses and lets think for a moment about our society as a whole. Taking a step back and gathering all that is out there, reflecting on how it effects all of us in our own way and back off our "well intentioned" gestures. Because, when it comes down to it, intentions mean nothing when you end up hurting or trashing someone by trying to make yourself feel better or better than.
We live in a society that shames not only overweight and obese women, but fit and slim women as well. We live a society that chides women for having having an epidural or bottle feeding, as well as for nursing in public. We belittle men we feel are not manly enough, but then complain about how emotionally unavailable they are. We complain about our materialistic ways while sitting in our house on our smart phones, with televisions on in the back ground, judging others who are just trying to get what we take for granted. We incessantly judge those we deem should "know better" when we actually have no idea what they do or do not know. When we actually know nothing about one another. By criticizing, giving advice when not asked for it, or doling out our "humble opinions" we are invalidating everything the other person is experiencing or feeling.
I harp on all of this because we are a society as a whole. Yes there are differences, but that does not mean differences equal something bad. Being a productive and upright citizen of our society means that you can encompass the whole while not losing your true self, all the while navigating your way kindly through those who also enjoy the privileged of living in our society. Purely because you realize you know nothing. Therefore, you do not get to dictate how others go about their business. You do not get to make them feel less than you because they chose a different path or have lived a different life. (Or because you feel you know a truth they do not, or because they were born into a different situation) Lording your greatness over others is one of the biggest weakness in the human race. It does not come from strength or intelligence. It does not come from passion or righteousness. It comes from weakness, intolerance and ignorance. Making others feel bad for being themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a good thing. Kindly helping them understand if asked, being patient, or knowingly just being their yet silent is more powerful than trying to direct their course of action. Because in the end, it does not matter what you know or what you do, if you are truly trying to help or bring about change, it only matters if you can embrace the "wholeness" of everything, the mess and the good, and reconcile it into something productive. Forget what you know, because this life all around us is rarely about us. Being aware of our unknowing can open a host of opportunities to reach out, to recognize, and to finally understand what makes our neighbors tick, or family work, and our lives move forward. Realizing that we do not know will always be more powerful than truly believing that we do.
I am bringing this up because it is the holidays. We are required to see family we spend a year trying to avoid, acquaintances at parties who are only acquaintances for a reason, and because of all the recent events in the news media. (And every snarky blogger/pundit out their with a damning opinion of everyone else but themselves....because, damn it, the masses just do not get it. Hello Grad School, we meet again?) I just want us to take a step back this holiday season, or dismount our proverbial high horses and lets think for a moment about our society as a whole. Taking a step back and gathering all that is out there, reflecting on how it effects all of us in our own way and back off our "well intentioned" gestures. Because, when it comes down to it, intentions mean nothing when you end up hurting or trashing someone by trying to make yourself feel better or better than.
We live in a society that shames not only overweight and obese women, but fit and slim women as well. We live a society that chides women for having having an epidural or bottle feeding, as well as for nursing in public. We belittle men we feel are not manly enough, but then complain about how emotionally unavailable they are. We complain about our materialistic ways while sitting in our house on our smart phones, with televisions on in the back ground, judging others who are just trying to get what we take for granted. We incessantly judge those we deem should "know better" when we actually have no idea what they do or do not know. When we actually know nothing about one another. By criticizing, giving advice when not asked for it, or doling out our "humble opinions" we are invalidating everything the other person is experiencing or feeling.
I harp on all of this because we are a society as a whole. Yes there are differences, but that does not mean differences equal something bad. Being a productive and upright citizen of our society means that you can encompass the whole while not losing your true self, all the while navigating your way kindly through those who also enjoy the privileged of living in our society. Purely because you realize you know nothing. Therefore, you do not get to dictate how others go about their business. You do not get to make them feel less than you because they chose a different path or have lived a different life. (Or because you feel you know a truth they do not, or because they were born into a different situation) Lording your greatness over others is one of the biggest weakness in the human race. It does not come from strength or intelligence. It does not come from passion or righteousness. It comes from weakness, intolerance and ignorance. Making others feel bad for being themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a good thing. Kindly helping them understand if asked, being patient, or knowingly just being their yet silent is more powerful than trying to direct their course of action. Because in the end, it does not matter what you know or what you do, if you are truly trying to help or bring about change, it only matters if you can embrace the "wholeness" of everything, the mess and the good, and reconcile it into something productive. Forget what you know, because this life all around us is rarely about us. Being aware of our unknowing can open a host of opportunities to reach out, to recognize, and to finally understand what makes our neighbors tick, or family work, and our lives move forward. Realizing that we do not know will always be more powerful than truly believing that we do.
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