On Sunday night Ed and I were watching some documentary on Adolf Hitler, which essentially are all the same because they are born from the need to figure out what the hell happened. How can a single soul be responsible for all those deaths, leading people not only to be slaughtered but also to become the butchers. All being led like sheep to literal death or the death of a soul not strong enough to overcome the powerful siren call of a hateful demagogue. Saying so much of what people wanted to hear that they forgot he was also a dangerous agitator. This day, in 1944, forever marks the downfall of Hitler's Germany and along with it, the broken seal of his powerful spell on the people in that country. When we, or our fellow allies, look back on World War II it is with pride that we were on the right side. We all helped to destroy on of the worlds greatest evils, but at a cost. We waited, and waited, and waited. We watched, we turned children away seeking safety in our country, we turned away refuges trying to escape the unearned wrath of a crazy megalomaniac hell bent on their destruction. We tucked back into our turtle shell of safety and prosperity when Europe, China, and most of SE Asia were being torn to pieces. We. Waited. And. Waited. Until we were angry enough to say enough is enough. When the destruction and coldblooded killings of our citizens finally and literally hit home. So on this day, the anniversary day of one of the most important battles my nation has ever fought in and won, I am imploring everyone around the world to wait no more.
Today my heart is breaking for the 120+ people, mostly children being slaughtered by Taliban gunmen at a school in Peshawar province in Pakistan. Children in a school. Yesterday Australia experienced its own horror as two citizens, a 38yr old mother of three and a 34 year old young man, lost their lives in a stand off with gunman. Both described as hero's by other hostages, both paid the price of moral uprightness in this world. On one hand you have innocent children, on the other adults with everything to lose, giving it all up to help another. When real life parallels our fantasy, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Lord of the Rings, where innocents and the morally strong are violently offed, there is something wrong and we cannot afford to wait anymore.
Sometimes I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by the evil people that inhabit this world with us. Those are two examples in two days, not counting our recent events in Pennsylvania, or ISIS's latest murder or slaughter. It keeps happening. And here we are waiting, waiting for this shit to get real. I hate to say it, but, it is real. Everyday scores of people all over the world leave their homes seeking out, what they misguidedly feel is a just fight. Falling pray to the siren calls of the likes of ISIS, the Taliban or Al Qaeda who are unfortunately filling the void of a society set on waking early, trudging to work most of the day, and coming home to eat dinner and for what? The promise of a better life, looking to a bright future. We are constantly waiting. Waiting for things to get better. Waiting for things to get worse. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Ironically, what we fail to realize, what our governments fail to realize, what governments all over the world fail to realize, is that the waiting means nothing when we forget to take care of the present.
I will never understand the inaction of man. The inaction of diplomats around the world and the people at will. What are our limits and when will we finally say enough is enough? How many more children have to die in this world, alone and terrified before it finally hits a point where we no longer can come home from work at night, sit down in front of our TV's, eat dinner and forget about everything that happened that day? When will we be angry enough to end this evil? To finally make a plan, to say something that gives people hope. To help everyone realize that they are not alone in their fight against the evil that we know today. Even if we can't make it to save the innocent that they are not dying in vain, that we know what happens and that we will remember. That someday we will not longer be able to wait. We condemn with weak voices and condone with inaction.
To preserve peace, it has to be the actual goal. That has to be what we are fighting for in the present, whether in our own lives, in our communities or in our wide and tumultuous world. A peaceful future is a better future, a peaceful future is a prosperous future. When will we learn it is not the other way around? Prosperity over peace will always be an algorithm for inaction. Innocents are dying all over the world and at home, I guess in some respects it has always been this way. But, I like to think that sometime, in the near future, enlightenment and mindfulness will win out. We will again form meaningful alliances to end the nightmare we are calling our lives here on earth and really work for peace. Stand together in the name of peace with strong voices, for there are no cultural misunderstanding when it comes to slaughtering innocents. This is my real holiday wish.
Me
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
The Beautful Truth?
I just read a preview, unfortunately, of a Kim Kardashian interview for the upcoming edition of Elle UK. In that interview she, ah, actually attributes her pregnancy weight gain to God punishing her for her relative hotness. I say relative because, hey, everybody has their prerogatives when it comes to attraction, but this....I can't, I just can't. Left reeling and dumbstruck by this profoundly mindless and ignorant statement, I just can't. But, it really does reflect our societies obsession with "looks." This comes on the heels of an article I also mistakenly read yesterday about an alarming cosmetic procedure where they actually inject botox into ones calves to arrest and therefore shrink the muscle so women with "large" calves can fit into boots. The woman, who was discussing this procedure actually described how she felt about the results as such, "I can fit the boots on now… If you look good, you are treated
differently, so I’ll always be interested in strange cosmetic treatments." Is this how many of us feel about all things beautiful? What is it about this very limited view of beauty that we accept, embrace, and/or actually strive for? Do we actually believe this type of beauty equates to power and if so is that a good thing?
It is funny because this is a topic I have been thinking and wanting to write about for a very long time now, but it feels like this week has possessed the appropriate amount of frustration, amusement, discussion, and reflection on this topic. For starters on Monday, I received a swimsuit ordered online for an upcoming trip. Like any fashion forward DINK Yuppie women in their thirties, I ordered a two piece that can be mixed and matched with existing suits I own. I chose between two bottoms, mostly by staring intently at the models arses to determine which bottom had the most coverage, mostly because well personal preferences (I have a very acceptable fear of wax getting near things where wax just does not belong OK) and I just am not sure I dig the wedgie like nature of those tiny Brazilian bottoms that look oh so sexy on a toned, tanned angel. After much deliberation and staring, I thought I made the right choice. Low and behold I ripped open that package, picked up that tiny bottom and well, immediately gasped, stifled a disbelieving laugh, because wouldn't you know it, they were the damn Brazilian bottoms I worked so hard to avoid. In jest I tried them on, then with much goading, tried them on again for my husband. Despite the laughable nature of how much they did not fit, it struck me that it did not bother me that they did not fit. The first thought that came to mind was the fact that, their sizing is just ridiculous and whatever it is not like I NEEDED to look good in these or any swimsuit for that matter, not the whole self-conscious lament, "OMFG I am so FAT, I cannot believe they do not fit! I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah!" We so often hear, say or complain to our friends about. I am totally guilty as charged, as well as probably all of my friends. But, neither myself nor my friends are trolls. In fact I know no trolls. I felt good that I did not think that, it was peaceful and nice. We, and by we I mean most women, are so concerned with how we look so often that we forget to think about how we feel, which effect us more than how we look and ironically effects how we see ourselves.
Why are we feeling so insecure about ourselves that we will pay thousands of dollars to potentially kill ourselves with a pulmonary embolism from injecting botox into our legs? No one is standing on my door telling me that I should loss the ass pounds that are keeping me from fitting into that unrealistically sized Brazilian bikini bottom, although the length of my torso was also an issue. When I am having a good time on Bondi beach, I am going to be more worried about a shark than what my body looks like in a suit. I know this for a fact because I have taken a lot of beach vacations with friends and family and the last thing I am ever thinking about is how someone looks in their suit. How trivial, even the idea of stressing about our bods in a world full of strife and suffering is about as bizarre as Kim Kardashian's logic about pregnancy weight gain. I get that we women and even some men have what we decided are very real and painful body image issues. We obsess about our body issues. You cannot peruse the internet for even an hour without happening upon a weight loss or "body shaming" article. People have made songs around it, petition companies and models about it. We obsess about this and we place blame on everyone and everything. I understand that these are very real issues for many women, but sometimes I cannot help but think we are giving up a lot of our power to feel alive, good and grateful to forces that are not, well real, for lack of a better term. In addition and ironically in our quest to block out the forces we trivialize others insecurities or issues to make us feel better about ourselves. I do believe it is one of the biggest reason why women are so awful to other women, and it is all just needless. We do not need to feel or do these things. What we need to feel grateful for our health, well being, and ability to live.
This weeks blog dujour making the rounds I noticed was written by a woman who is amazed by the fact that her husband loves her and wants to do her every morning, despite the fact that her body is, as she believes, destroyed from having children. Now, here is where I would think our rape culture and beauty culture would paradoxically unite to prove to women that men not only will screw pretty much anything (including passed out drugged women resembling a dabble in necrophilia disgustingly) , but actually love us for US. I have never dated a man who liked me only for my looks and I am betting neither has a majority of women and how sad would that be if we did. It is already sad enough that women like Kim Kardashian clearly only find value in their beauty, when I am sure (and I am being charitable here) that they do have other aspects to offer. I would bet my meager life savings that Kanye West loves her more for being a great mother to his child than for her beauty. Additionally, none of my friends are my friends purely for their looks or beauty and I am 100% certain it is vice versa because it is not how any of us define ourselves. So it bothers me that so many people are hung up on this. It bothers me that we need to hear from another woman whether it be Meghan Trainor, Nicki Minaj, or the woman from the blog that it does not matter if we are not in possession of model like good looks. We have manifested this idea that our bodies are the end all be all, and that it is because society has deemed that they be a certain way, yada yada yada, but in reality the body is nothing but a vessel for our minds and our soul. Feeling healthy and being healthy, being happy and contributing to our families and communities to make them a better place is more important than what we look like. Striving to fit into our self created limited box of what is beautiful is only keeping us from really transcending the non-issues that we let clutter our life and minds. To be honest I have been stressing about getting rid of 5 pounds for my upcoming trip, but that was perfectly wiped away by actually NOT fitting into those ridiculous bikini bottoms. It is such a habit and struggle for us that we need to really work on not doing this anymore. Truly ugly people, on the inside, are the only ones who actually believe in the religion of vanity. Those people are not important and the voices in our heads are not real. I guarantee no one is standing on your doorstep and if there is someone, they probably just want to talk about a certain bible verse and move on to your neighbor.
It is funny because this is a topic I have been thinking and wanting to write about for a very long time now, but it feels like this week has possessed the appropriate amount of frustration, amusement, discussion, and reflection on this topic. For starters on Monday, I received a swimsuit ordered online for an upcoming trip. Like any fashion forward DINK Yuppie women in their thirties, I ordered a two piece that can be mixed and matched with existing suits I own. I chose between two bottoms, mostly by staring intently at the models arses to determine which bottom had the most coverage, mostly because well personal preferences (I have a very acceptable fear of wax getting near things where wax just does not belong OK) and I just am not sure I dig the wedgie like nature of those tiny Brazilian bottoms that look oh so sexy on a toned, tanned angel. After much deliberation and staring, I thought I made the right choice. Low and behold I ripped open that package, picked up that tiny bottom and well, immediately gasped, stifled a disbelieving laugh, because wouldn't you know it, they were the damn Brazilian bottoms I worked so hard to avoid. In jest I tried them on, then with much goading, tried them on again for my husband. Despite the laughable nature of how much they did not fit, it struck me that it did not bother me that they did not fit. The first thought that came to mind was the fact that, their sizing is just ridiculous and whatever it is not like I NEEDED to look good in these or any swimsuit for that matter, not the whole self-conscious lament, "OMFG I am so FAT, I cannot believe they do not fit! I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah!" We so often hear, say or complain to our friends about. I am totally guilty as charged, as well as probably all of my friends. But, neither myself nor my friends are trolls. In fact I know no trolls. I felt good that I did not think that, it was peaceful and nice. We, and by we I mean most women, are so concerned with how we look so often that we forget to think about how we feel, which effect us more than how we look and ironically effects how we see ourselves.
Why are we feeling so insecure about ourselves that we will pay thousands of dollars to potentially kill ourselves with a pulmonary embolism from injecting botox into our legs? No one is standing on my door telling me that I should loss the ass pounds that are keeping me from fitting into that unrealistically sized Brazilian bikini bottom, although the length of my torso was also an issue. When I am having a good time on Bondi beach, I am going to be more worried about a shark than what my body looks like in a suit. I know this for a fact because I have taken a lot of beach vacations with friends and family and the last thing I am ever thinking about is how someone looks in their suit. How trivial, even the idea of stressing about our bods in a world full of strife and suffering is about as bizarre as Kim Kardashian's logic about pregnancy weight gain. I get that we women and even some men have what we decided are very real and painful body image issues. We obsess about our body issues. You cannot peruse the internet for even an hour without happening upon a weight loss or "body shaming" article. People have made songs around it, petition companies and models about it. We obsess about this and we place blame on everyone and everything. I understand that these are very real issues for many women, but sometimes I cannot help but think we are giving up a lot of our power to feel alive, good and grateful to forces that are not, well real, for lack of a better term. In addition and ironically in our quest to block out the forces we trivialize others insecurities or issues to make us feel better about ourselves. I do believe it is one of the biggest reason why women are so awful to other women, and it is all just needless. We do not need to feel or do these things. What we need to feel grateful for our health, well being, and ability to live.
This weeks blog dujour making the rounds I noticed was written by a woman who is amazed by the fact that her husband loves her and wants to do her every morning, despite the fact that her body is, as she believes, destroyed from having children. Now, here is where I would think our rape culture and beauty culture would paradoxically unite to prove to women that men not only will screw pretty much anything (including passed out drugged women resembling a dabble in necrophilia disgustingly) , but actually love us for US. I have never dated a man who liked me only for my looks and I am betting neither has a majority of women and how sad would that be if we did. It is already sad enough that women like Kim Kardashian clearly only find value in their beauty, when I am sure (and I am being charitable here) that they do have other aspects to offer. I would bet my meager life savings that Kanye West loves her more for being a great mother to his child than for her beauty. Additionally, none of my friends are my friends purely for their looks or beauty and I am 100% certain it is vice versa because it is not how any of us define ourselves. So it bothers me that so many people are hung up on this. It bothers me that we need to hear from another woman whether it be Meghan Trainor, Nicki Minaj, or the woman from the blog that it does not matter if we are not in possession of model like good looks. We have manifested this idea that our bodies are the end all be all, and that it is because society has deemed that they be a certain way, yada yada yada, but in reality the body is nothing but a vessel for our minds and our soul. Feeling healthy and being healthy, being happy and contributing to our families and communities to make them a better place is more important than what we look like. Striving to fit into our self created limited box of what is beautiful is only keeping us from really transcending the non-issues that we let clutter our life and minds. To be honest I have been stressing about getting rid of 5 pounds for my upcoming trip, but that was perfectly wiped away by actually NOT fitting into those ridiculous bikini bottoms. It is such a habit and struggle for us that we need to really work on not doing this anymore. Truly ugly people, on the inside, are the only ones who actually believe in the religion of vanity. Those people are not important and the voices in our heads are not real. I guarantee no one is standing on your doorstep and if there is someone, they probably just want to talk about a certain bible verse and move on to your neighbor.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Living with an Undeveloped Frontal Cortex: Being a Teenager
If I picture myself having a teenage child (and before you get all holy on me, yes all I can do is imagine and I am very well aware that it is totally different than experiencing so no need to lecture me on not "knowing.") I imagine myself being very laid back, but clear in my expectations, like a french parent. The last time we visited France, we stayed with wonderful friends who had teenage sons at the time. The oldest having spent his adolescence in America, was greatly enjoying the perks of being a youth en France. Room to explore and mess up, yet possessing a restrained and pragmatic responsibility. ( I attribute this to their ridiculously deep curriculum and amazingly mature expectations from most adults involved in their lives) Not that is a perfect notion for everyone, I thoroughly enjoyed the short time we were there watching him navigate fairly successfully this new terrain, but, his parents were French so of course. With freedom comes expectations, and these kids clearly understood the deal. Funny, but, it is kind of how Cher Horowitz in "Clueless" behaves and understands the world. Summed up best when she drops this actually poignant line to her friend about drugs. "It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day." That sentiment can be applied to everything and anything. It is a fine line for children lacking fully developed brains to comprehend, there for as adults, we simply have to take the lead, teach, and be authority figures.
I say this from a place of love, of worry, and of complete and total annoyance. For any adult who frequents the music scene, the sight of teenagers at shows and festivals has become so prevalent you sometimes wonder if you accidentally happened upon a One Direction concert. Low and behold you are then completely bowled over by much of their behavior, the fact that they are unsupervised, only compounded by what their parents actually let them leave the house dressed like Julia Robers in "Pretty Woman" and not after the rich guy buys her a new wardrobe. Neigh, these are not dens of sin or mass orgies, but they are certainly not wholesome either. For example last night, I attended a show with my sister-in-law ans her husband where there were 5 bands playing. By the time the 5th and final band made it out, not only was in 11:30 pm on a school night, the lead singer was so trashed and high there were parts of songs he could not even muster enough "together-ness" to sing. We could not ever pin-point what he possibly could have been on. He was up, down and all around. Additionally, there was enough magical smoke wafting around to induce even the most practiced burn-out into a slight high. Multiple fights almost broke out, liquor was flowing and here is what gets me, parents of teenage girls, there are very much predictors attending these events. If I know this problem exist, you best believe they look forward to it. Teenage girls in their short, high waist shorts, replete with crop or bra top, (surprisingly winter or summer) drunk on stolen liquor (probably from your own cabinets) losing all sense of control or awareness of their surroundings. If I was a male or female pervert I would be there loving every second of it looking for my next victim. It bothers me intensely that these teenagers, behaving irresponsibly are left to fend for themselves. WE HAVE A RAPE CULTURE PROBLEM FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON PEOPLE!
I am not easily shocked nor impressed by other people and their behavior. I also get that kids will be kids, if you knew me in high school. But, last summer was my first and last time at Lollapalooza, despite knowing and loving most of the bands that play. I will never spend that much money only to encounter the teenage debauchery that currently resides at that festival. It is not isolated, it infiltrates Grant Park the whole time. From the idiots openly smoking a joint, to those so drunk they pee and vomit on themselves, nary a parental unit in sight. Just last night a group of what looked to be your typical suburban lanky blonds, decked out in teenager mandatory show uniform, were kindly escorted out by security after their drunken antics alienated everyone surrounding them. I tell you, if I got that call at 10:30 on a school night you better believe that daughter will not see the light of day except to and from school until well into the new year. Here is the thing, they were warned multiple times, by multiple adults surrounding them that if they did not amend their behavior action would be taken. It was answered with a scoff and eye-roll. They clearly have not seen "Clueless", nor were raised by the French. They were obtuse. They were obtuse because they are teenagers. They are obtuse because they do not have fully developed brains and they need guidance, no matter how much they believe otherwise. I cannot impart enough that we need to stop being friends with our teenage population and start behaving like the authority figures we as adults are. Had I or any adult surround those kids been of a different mindset, their parents would have gotten a much different call at the end of the night.
There were examples of amazingly behaved teenagers who were at the show last night, as well as many other shows I have been to, who are clearly there for the music. They keep to themselves, they are aware and are getting an amazing experience. There were also parents present clearly accompanying minors, but for everyone of those there is a group with no supervision behaving so stupid it is surprising evolution has not swooped in yet. Even if you have the best teenager in the world, you cannot control what other people do around them, but we can do a better job of preparing them to remain safe and I am just not seeing that. You cannot give freedom without guidance and expectation. I am not sure what grinds me the most, the fact that I am paying for my ticket and would like to enjoy the show without seeing a teenager on the verge of being assaulted, vomiting on themselves, talking loudly, taking selfies and not listening to the show. Or the notion that Mom and Dad willingly bought them a ticket, sent them on their way, oblivious to the dangers of a standing room only, general admission show, especially when the teenage son or daughter has every intention of getting completely plowed during their outing. It is one thing (though totally not much better) to drop your kiddie off at a stadium show with assigned seats, but it is another to let them roam around pit of sweating, inebriated bodies with reckless drunken abandon. I truly feel like parents in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs believe the two weekends Lollapalooza comes to town is an awesome vacation for them without their kids. Get them their weekend passes, send them on a train with a hundo, and let them fend for themselves. I was an awful teenager, by all means there was no perfection from me, but my mother and father just said NO because they knew me. Which is why I am pretty sure I am where I am today. Alive with not much mental damage. When I got to college my freshman year, my older sister also kindly told me NO to many things I wanted to do. I will leave you with a saying from her, it was a night that I wanted her to go to a bar I could sneak into, instead of the more strict one her and her friends were going to, it has stuck with me for the rest of my life. "Sometimes there are things in life that you want to do, that you just cannot or have to wait for."
I say this from a place of love, of worry, and of complete and total annoyance. For any adult who frequents the music scene, the sight of teenagers at shows and festivals has become so prevalent you sometimes wonder if you accidentally happened upon a One Direction concert. Low and behold you are then completely bowled over by much of their behavior, the fact that they are unsupervised, only compounded by what their parents actually let them leave the house dressed like Julia Robers in "Pretty Woman" and not after the rich guy buys her a new wardrobe. Neigh, these are not dens of sin or mass orgies, but they are certainly not wholesome either. For example last night, I attended a show with my sister-in-law ans her husband where there were 5 bands playing. By the time the 5th and final band made it out, not only was in 11:30 pm on a school night, the lead singer was so trashed and high there were parts of songs he could not even muster enough "together-ness" to sing. We could not ever pin-point what he possibly could have been on. He was up, down and all around. Additionally, there was enough magical smoke wafting around to induce even the most practiced burn-out into a slight high. Multiple fights almost broke out, liquor was flowing and here is what gets me, parents of teenage girls, there are very much predictors attending these events. If I know this problem exist, you best believe they look forward to it. Teenage girls in their short, high waist shorts, replete with crop or bra top, (surprisingly winter or summer) drunk on stolen liquor (probably from your own cabinets) losing all sense of control or awareness of their surroundings. If I was a male or female pervert I would be there loving every second of it looking for my next victim. It bothers me intensely that these teenagers, behaving irresponsibly are left to fend for themselves. WE HAVE A RAPE CULTURE PROBLEM FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON PEOPLE!
I am not easily shocked nor impressed by other people and their behavior. I also get that kids will be kids, if you knew me in high school. But, last summer was my first and last time at Lollapalooza, despite knowing and loving most of the bands that play. I will never spend that much money only to encounter the teenage debauchery that currently resides at that festival. It is not isolated, it infiltrates Grant Park the whole time. From the idiots openly smoking a joint, to those so drunk they pee and vomit on themselves, nary a parental unit in sight. Just last night a group of what looked to be your typical suburban lanky blonds, decked out in teenager mandatory show uniform, were kindly escorted out by security after their drunken antics alienated everyone surrounding them. I tell you, if I got that call at 10:30 on a school night you better believe that daughter will not see the light of day except to and from school until well into the new year. Here is the thing, they were warned multiple times, by multiple adults surrounding them that if they did not amend their behavior action would be taken. It was answered with a scoff and eye-roll. They clearly have not seen "Clueless", nor were raised by the French. They were obtuse. They were obtuse because they are teenagers. They are obtuse because they do not have fully developed brains and they need guidance, no matter how much they believe otherwise. I cannot impart enough that we need to stop being friends with our teenage population and start behaving like the authority figures we as adults are. Had I or any adult surround those kids been of a different mindset, their parents would have gotten a much different call at the end of the night.
There were examples of amazingly behaved teenagers who were at the show last night, as well as many other shows I have been to, who are clearly there for the music. They keep to themselves, they are aware and are getting an amazing experience. There were also parents present clearly accompanying minors, but for everyone of those there is a group with no supervision behaving so stupid it is surprising evolution has not swooped in yet. Even if you have the best teenager in the world, you cannot control what other people do around them, but we can do a better job of preparing them to remain safe and I am just not seeing that. You cannot give freedom without guidance and expectation. I am not sure what grinds me the most, the fact that I am paying for my ticket and would like to enjoy the show without seeing a teenager on the verge of being assaulted, vomiting on themselves, talking loudly, taking selfies and not listening to the show. Or the notion that Mom and Dad willingly bought them a ticket, sent them on their way, oblivious to the dangers of a standing room only, general admission show, especially when the teenage son or daughter has every intention of getting completely plowed during their outing. It is one thing (though totally not much better) to drop your kiddie off at a stadium show with assigned seats, but it is another to let them roam around pit of sweating, inebriated bodies with reckless drunken abandon. I truly feel like parents in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs believe the two weekends Lollapalooza comes to town is an awesome vacation for them without their kids. Get them their weekend passes, send them on a train with a hundo, and let them fend for themselves. I was an awful teenager, by all means there was no perfection from me, but my mother and father just said NO because they knew me. Which is why I am pretty sure I am where I am today. Alive with not much mental damage. When I got to college my freshman year, my older sister also kindly told me NO to many things I wanted to do. I will leave you with a saying from her, it was a night that I wanted her to go to a bar I could sneak into, instead of the more strict one her and her friends were going to, it has stuck with me for the rest of my life. "Sometimes there are things in life that you want to do, that you just cannot or have to wait for."
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
The Unknown
"You know nothing Jon Snow." The line used so many times by Ygrette in Game of Thrones. It symbolizes so many things, his true naivete, literal lack of knowledge, and also as a general reminder. The great thing about their love story is that Jon Snow understands and accepts that he knows what he knows, but he is so willing to learn more. Is Ygrette a little harsh in her delivery? Yes, but at the same time she allows Jon Snow to see for himself, to understand and to truly know what it is that drives her and many others. She does not simply tell him, she makes him see for himself. The fact that Jon Snow knows nothing is a true gift in the morally bankrupt land of Westeros. Admitting to knowing nothing is a vulnerability so many of us will never surrender to because we believe it is a weakness. Knowing nothing, does not mean you literally know nothing, it just means that you will probably never know enough about others and their experience to generalize, that you realize you are coming from a different place. For example, I am particularly sensitive when I read or experience something or someone trying to invalidate my emotions or feelings. One of the reasons it bothers me to no end, is because no matter how much you think you know, lets say about life in general, you will never feel or experience a problem or situation like someone else because YOU DO NOT POSES THEIR MEMORIES, EXPERIENCES, OR PAST ACTIONS. Why the shouting all caps? Because too many of us offer unsolicited advice and opinions, one of my biggest pet peeves. If you already experience low self confidence, a self-questioning nature, or host a rather-able large size of insecurities it only drives you mad and further down. I do not know enough about anything, it drives me crazy when people believe they do and commit the above grievance.
I am bringing this up because it is the holidays. We are required to see family we spend a year trying to avoid, acquaintances at parties who are only acquaintances for a reason, and because of all the recent events in the news media. (And every snarky blogger/pundit out their with a damning opinion of everyone else but themselves....because, damn it, the masses just do not get it. Hello Grad School, we meet again?) I just want us to take a step back this holiday season, or dismount our proverbial high horses and lets think for a moment about our society as a whole. Taking a step back and gathering all that is out there, reflecting on how it effects all of us in our own way and back off our "well intentioned" gestures. Because, when it comes down to it, intentions mean nothing when you end up hurting or trashing someone by trying to make yourself feel better or better than.
We live in a society that shames not only overweight and obese women, but fit and slim women as well. We live a society that chides women for having having an epidural or bottle feeding, as well as for nursing in public. We belittle men we feel are not manly enough, but then complain about how emotionally unavailable they are. We complain about our materialistic ways while sitting in our house on our smart phones, with televisions on in the back ground, judging others who are just trying to get what we take for granted. We incessantly judge those we deem should "know better" when we actually have no idea what they do or do not know. When we actually know nothing about one another. By criticizing, giving advice when not asked for it, or doling out our "humble opinions" we are invalidating everything the other person is experiencing or feeling.
I harp on all of this because we are a society as a whole. Yes there are differences, but that does not mean differences equal something bad. Being a productive and upright citizen of our society means that you can encompass the whole while not losing your true self, all the while navigating your way kindly through those who also enjoy the privileged of living in our society. Purely because you realize you know nothing. Therefore, you do not get to dictate how others go about their business. You do not get to make them feel less than you because they chose a different path or have lived a different life. (Or because you feel you know a truth they do not, or because they were born into a different situation) Lording your greatness over others is one of the biggest weakness in the human race. It does not come from strength or intelligence. It does not come from passion or righteousness. It comes from weakness, intolerance and ignorance. Making others feel bad for being themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a good thing. Kindly helping them understand if asked, being patient, or knowingly just being their yet silent is more powerful than trying to direct their course of action. Because in the end, it does not matter what you know or what you do, if you are truly trying to help or bring about change, it only matters if you can embrace the "wholeness" of everything, the mess and the good, and reconcile it into something productive. Forget what you know, because this life all around us is rarely about us. Being aware of our unknowing can open a host of opportunities to reach out, to recognize, and to finally understand what makes our neighbors tick, or family work, and our lives move forward. Realizing that we do not know will always be more powerful than truly believing that we do.
I am bringing this up because it is the holidays. We are required to see family we spend a year trying to avoid, acquaintances at parties who are only acquaintances for a reason, and because of all the recent events in the news media. (And every snarky blogger/pundit out their with a damning opinion of everyone else but themselves....because, damn it, the masses just do not get it. Hello Grad School, we meet again?) I just want us to take a step back this holiday season, or dismount our proverbial high horses and lets think for a moment about our society as a whole. Taking a step back and gathering all that is out there, reflecting on how it effects all of us in our own way and back off our "well intentioned" gestures. Because, when it comes down to it, intentions mean nothing when you end up hurting or trashing someone by trying to make yourself feel better or better than.
We live in a society that shames not only overweight and obese women, but fit and slim women as well. We live a society that chides women for having having an epidural or bottle feeding, as well as for nursing in public. We belittle men we feel are not manly enough, but then complain about how emotionally unavailable they are. We complain about our materialistic ways while sitting in our house on our smart phones, with televisions on in the back ground, judging others who are just trying to get what we take for granted. We incessantly judge those we deem should "know better" when we actually have no idea what they do or do not know. When we actually know nothing about one another. By criticizing, giving advice when not asked for it, or doling out our "humble opinions" we are invalidating everything the other person is experiencing or feeling.
I harp on all of this because we are a society as a whole. Yes there are differences, but that does not mean differences equal something bad. Being a productive and upright citizen of our society means that you can encompass the whole while not losing your true self, all the while navigating your way kindly through those who also enjoy the privileged of living in our society. Purely because you realize you know nothing. Therefore, you do not get to dictate how others go about their business. You do not get to make them feel less than you because they chose a different path or have lived a different life. (Or because you feel you know a truth they do not, or because they were born into a different situation) Lording your greatness over others is one of the biggest weakness in the human race. It does not come from strength or intelligence. It does not come from passion or righteousness. It comes from weakness, intolerance and ignorance. Making others feel bad for being themselves, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a good thing. Kindly helping them understand if asked, being patient, or knowingly just being their yet silent is more powerful than trying to direct their course of action. Because in the end, it does not matter what you know or what you do, if you are truly trying to help or bring about change, it only matters if you can embrace the "wholeness" of everything, the mess and the good, and reconcile it into something productive. Forget what you know, because this life all around us is rarely about us. Being aware of our unknowing can open a host of opportunities to reach out, to recognize, and to finally understand what makes our neighbors tick, or family work, and our lives move forward. Realizing that we do not know will always be more powerful than truly believing that we do.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
The Art of Living: It Requires Compotence
Lately I have been horribly stuck. So many thoughts, too many things to write about. I tried to write a post after the election, but could not because as angry as I was about politics, I could not put my finger on what exactly was upsetting me. However, after listening to an NPR interview yesterday with Bernie Sanders it finally came to me, clear as the cold crisp morning I find myself writing this on. One point he made during the interview, in relation to our last election cycle, had to do with how the candidates ran against each other. He aptly pointed out they were not running on ideas or calls to action, but who could shoot better, who knows how to castrate pigs, and a host of other ridiculous notions that have nothing to do with anything going on in our nations capital. This gets to the core of my anger, at our politicians local to federal and at my fellow citizens. I am tired of feeling like I am better than the people who are essentially running my life. And so should you.
This phenomenon is happening at every level of government. In my city, there are stories highlighting the juvenile antics perpetrated by our alderman, without embarrassment or remorse I should add, almost every day. Just today, the same newspaper quoted our state's assembly Speaker Robin Vos dissing the new owner of the Milwaukee Bucks simply for greeting the President of the United States of America. Then you have said President of the United States of America posturing with the legislative side of our government, like a bitter disrespected uncle, with the our congress posturing back like a 5 year old child being asked to wear something they irrationally disapprove of and threatening their said disrespected uncle with a giant tantrum. However, the giant tantrum effects not only the uncle but the whole entire world. But whatever. We are fine with our politicians behaving like silver-back gorillas and screeching harpies. As long as they hit the center of the target in their crappy campaign commercials, know how to castrate pigs, threaten others or make a poor effort at disguising how rich they actually are when they pander to the middle class and poor. (Yeah that last one was aimed at the Democrats) They do not get off on telling us their plan, giving us their call to action, or making a compelling logical and reasoned argument for their moral standards or ideology. Somewhere along the way, we stopped demanding competence and started being entertained by their plan to destroy their opponent, and relish in their hatred of said opponent.
My anger resides in the fact that we are ignoring the problem, or problems, that are very much plaguing our society. The problems that realistically have the potential to create utter catastrophe. These problems cross party lines, lurking in every corner of the world. And, may I ask where are we? What is our government doing to protect us? That is a big fat nothing. They are participating in their own soap opera of playground fights, cliques, and childish antics. The scary part, is that sometime a long long time ago in a far away land, the first sparks of civilization were lit. Hunter-gatherer Tom realized that himself and familial unit had a better chance of survival and perpetuation of species if he got together with hunter-gatherer Dick and his group. After a while hunter-gatherer Harry, was like, "Whoa, I gotta get in on this. My favorite breeding partner was just killed by a saber-tooth tiger, and Tom and Dick seem relatively safe in their larger number, so I better join them." Thus, the very simplistic and short version of how civilization began. So, what they realized is that they would have to compromise and cooperate a certain amount to live a much safer life, with the happy possibility of a more consistent food supply, relative to what they had. What I am hearing from our politicians, locally and at the federal level is that on the cusp of 2015 we not longer can, nor understand how to do this and that the masses are really cheering this on. Furthermore, they cannot even act with a modicum of decency towards each other in the process. Which is why it can no longer happen in the great United States of America, the original "government by the people, for the people and of the people." Or, did Lincoln have that wrong 150 years ago after we slaughtered our brothers, cousins, and neighbors for what? Oh yeah, rigid, uncompromising, horse manure ideology.
For my whole adult voting life, I keep hearing things like, "Well, I am going to vote for so-and-so because he/she seems cool. Like I could really sit down and have a beer with them." That statement makes me want to vomit. There is fine line between relate-able politician and crazy drunk guy who has no composure. Who sounds like the dufus he/she is. Listen, I love getting beers with my friends, but that drunk guy hitting on us better not be my local politician. Unfortunately it seems to be getting a little too real. (Ahem Palin Family brawl, politicians with colloquial speech and mannerisms that just scream "Hello world, I am Hillbilly Dan from BFE, I care not about anything but my own grandiose ideas and nature) I want my politicians to be better than that. No more Huey P. Longs, no more Senator Joseph McCarthy's. NO MORE HICK DEMAGOGUES. What has your politician done for your community or yourself lately. How did they go about it and who did they alienate? I am happy that the crazy mom on the corner identifies with Sally Anderson, the candidate for the local election, but Sally Anderson is crazy, has identified herself clearly as crazy. Surely that is off-putting to crazy mom on the corner? Bachelor business owner Bob totally understands where misogynistic candidate Greg is coming from, he hates the rest of his platform, but Bob can totally get behind Greg's belief in where the woman's place lies. Despite the fact the Greg is an utter idiot, he will still get bachelor Bob's vote.
My wish list, for politicians consists of intellectual curiosity and honesty. Articulate, well spoken, and genuine. What I am tired of, are the chest thumping ignoramuses and the screechy cave women who are the antithesis of statesmen and women. They have been hired by the American people to perform a job, I could care less if I want to sit down and have a beer with them. That is the least of my worries. I want them to be better than me. I want them to be better than you. They have an important job. I am tired of going to work everyday, then coming home and realizing that I have navigated the terrain of daily life better than the people who are running the country, our states, and cities. That I have treated people more just and civil. That I not only had to compromise at work but also at home, for the sole purpose of making both entities run the best possible way. Realizing that because, even though I had to give up on something, in the long run it will ascertain better results for what is most important. And if you are reading this, think of all the things you have done today, yesterday, the week before, to get your business, the company you work for, or your family to run successfully or to keep your life running smoothly. Because, being a statesman is not about blindly falling on your sword to rest on your laurels, or protect a rigid ideology when said ideology was not meant to be rigid in the first place. It is not about relating to a candidate on a personal level, it is about picking someone who is going to do the best job possible. It is about reconciling everyone's needs, wants, and desires to create the most beneficial outcome for all. If Tom, Dick, and Harry, in their finite hunter-gatherer minds can realize this, I am at a loss as to why modern day American politicians find the concept so difficult. Be better than that-
This phenomenon is happening at every level of government. In my city, there are stories highlighting the juvenile antics perpetrated by our alderman, without embarrassment or remorse I should add, almost every day. Just today, the same newspaper quoted our state's assembly Speaker Robin Vos dissing the new owner of the Milwaukee Bucks simply for greeting the President of the United States of America. Then you have said President of the United States of America posturing with the legislative side of our government, like a bitter disrespected uncle, with the our congress posturing back like a 5 year old child being asked to wear something they irrationally disapprove of and threatening their said disrespected uncle with a giant tantrum. However, the giant tantrum effects not only the uncle but the whole entire world. But whatever. We are fine with our politicians behaving like silver-back gorillas and screeching harpies. As long as they hit the center of the target in their crappy campaign commercials, know how to castrate pigs, threaten others or make a poor effort at disguising how rich they actually are when they pander to the middle class and poor. (Yeah that last one was aimed at the Democrats) They do not get off on telling us their plan, giving us their call to action, or making a compelling logical and reasoned argument for their moral standards or ideology. Somewhere along the way, we stopped demanding competence and started being entertained by their plan to destroy their opponent, and relish in their hatred of said opponent.
My anger resides in the fact that we are ignoring the problem, or problems, that are very much plaguing our society. The problems that realistically have the potential to create utter catastrophe. These problems cross party lines, lurking in every corner of the world. And, may I ask where are we? What is our government doing to protect us? That is a big fat nothing. They are participating in their own soap opera of playground fights, cliques, and childish antics. The scary part, is that sometime a long long time ago in a far away land, the first sparks of civilization were lit. Hunter-gatherer Tom realized that himself and familial unit had a better chance of survival and perpetuation of species if he got together with hunter-gatherer Dick and his group. After a while hunter-gatherer Harry, was like, "Whoa, I gotta get in on this. My favorite breeding partner was just killed by a saber-tooth tiger, and Tom and Dick seem relatively safe in their larger number, so I better join them." Thus, the very simplistic and short version of how civilization began. So, what they realized is that they would have to compromise and cooperate a certain amount to live a much safer life, with the happy possibility of a more consistent food supply, relative to what they had. What I am hearing from our politicians, locally and at the federal level is that on the cusp of 2015 we not longer can, nor understand how to do this and that the masses are really cheering this on. Furthermore, they cannot even act with a modicum of decency towards each other in the process. Which is why it can no longer happen in the great United States of America, the original "government by the people, for the people and of the people." Or, did Lincoln have that wrong 150 years ago after we slaughtered our brothers, cousins, and neighbors for what? Oh yeah, rigid, uncompromising, horse manure ideology.
For my whole adult voting life, I keep hearing things like, "Well, I am going to vote for so-and-so because he/she seems cool. Like I could really sit down and have a beer with them." That statement makes me want to vomit. There is fine line between relate-able politician and crazy drunk guy who has no composure. Who sounds like the dufus he/she is. Listen, I love getting beers with my friends, but that drunk guy hitting on us better not be my local politician. Unfortunately it seems to be getting a little too real. (Ahem Palin Family brawl, politicians with colloquial speech and mannerisms that just scream "Hello world, I am Hillbilly Dan from BFE, I care not about anything but my own grandiose ideas and nature) I want my politicians to be better than that. No more Huey P. Longs, no more Senator Joseph McCarthy's. NO MORE HICK DEMAGOGUES. What has your politician done for your community or yourself lately. How did they go about it and who did they alienate? I am happy that the crazy mom on the corner identifies with Sally Anderson, the candidate for the local election, but Sally Anderson is crazy, has identified herself clearly as crazy. Surely that is off-putting to crazy mom on the corner? Bachelor business owner Bob totally understands where misogynistic candidate Greg is coming from, he hates the rest of his platform, but Bob can totally get behind Greg's belief in where the woman's place lies. Despite the fact the Greg is an utter idiot, he will still get bachelor Bob's vote.
My wish list, for politicians consists of intellectual curiosity and honesty. Articulate, well spoken, and genuine. What I am tired of, are the chest thumping ignoramuses and the screechy cave women who are the antithesis of statesmen and women. They have been hired by the American people to perform a job, I could care less if I want to sit down and have a beer with them. That is the least of my worries. I want them to be better than me. I want them to be better than you. They have an important job. I am tired of going to work everyday, then coming home and realizing that I have navigated the terrain of daily life better than the people who are running the country, our states, and cities. That I have treated people more just and civil. That I not only had to compromise at work but also at home, for the sole purpose of making both entities run the best possible way. Realizing that because, even though I had to give up on something, in the long run it will ascertain better results for what is most important. And if you are reading this, think of all the things you have done today, yesterday, the week before, to get your business, the company you work for, or your family to run successfully or to keep your life running smoothly. Because, being a statesman is not about blindly falling on your sword to rest on your laurels, or protect a rigid ideology when said ideology was not meant to be rigid in the first place. It is not about relating to a candidate on a personal level, it is about picking someone who is going to do the best job possible. It is about reconciling everyone's needs, wants, and desires to create the most beneficial outcome for all. If Tom, Dick, and Harry, in their finite hunter-gatherer minds can realize this, I am at a loss as to why modern day American politicians find the concept so difficult. Be better than that-
Friday, October 24, 2014
The Soul Destroying Mission
Sometimes I fear that our driving skills and the comment sections of online articles are an indicator of the acceleration of the decline of the human race. People no longer pay attention to what they are doing on the roads hurtling forward in thousand pound death machines without a care in the world. If you read a comment section you'll see a variety of issues, from abhorrently poor reading comprehension skills to outright wickedness. Trolling aside, we are assholes in general. Though in most of my immediate and personal interaction with others, I am often reassured that maybe things are not so bad. Then, I try to sell concert tickets on Craigslist.
Here I am, you know me if you are reading this, sitting on 4, not 1 or 2 or 3, but FOUR tickets to a sold out show in Chicago that I no longer plan on attending, mostly because if I do, I will only be using 1 of the said tickets. (Sadly I listen to music that definitely does not interest my husband, or most friends for that matter.) So, in my naive mind I set out on this venture believing the following: This is going to be easy, it is a sold out show, electronic tickets. Meaning I just have to forward a simple email to the potential buyer who can send me the money electronically. We never have to meet, therefore, I do not have to fear being kidnapped, raped, and dismembered by some weirdo perusing Craigslist expressly for that reason, I do fully believe all of that is avoidable though. How horribly and soul destroying this logic proved.
It was not a simple transaction and people were actually mean. Not only were they mean, the mere mention of the fact that they were electronic tickets and not "hard copies" sent them on indignant tirades aimed squarely at my character and apparent stupidity at the notion that I must be a fool to think that I could trick them into my scam and web of lies. Because, apparently I am selling these tickets to multiple parties, sitting on a pile money laughing while victim upon victim is denied access from said concert. To them, my next step would be to put the money in some sort of offshore account, while I set up my new digs on a remote Caribbean island, where I will spend the rest of my life living in the lap of luxury subsidized by all my ill gained concert ticket money.
I am not sure why this is bothering me as much as it is. Do I really want to go to the concert, kind of, but I will be seeing the band a month later with my fantastic sister-in-law and her husband, probably the only 2 people on the planet who like similar music and going to shows with me. The fact that I bought the tickets, thinking I could entice a few friends to a free concert does not bother me, since it is at least the third time this has happened. It was the attack on my character by strangers who just assumed I was the kind of person who would screw them over. That is what bothers me. I consider myself an honest and relatively straight forward person. If you know me, I have the unfortunately talent of wearing every emotion that I am feeling at every moment directly on my face. I also hate being judged and I have always wanted people to like me, desperately. This whole Craigslist debacle has thrown in my direction all of my social fears in one fell swoop. Aside from all of that, it has sadly been a confirming experience in relation to my feelings of my fellow human beings. That we are more skeptical, un-trusting, willfully mean, and prone to disliking and judging others we come into contact with more than ever before.
Now every person on AIRBNB, or Craigslist, or our Uber driver is out to kill us, rape us, and dismember us. I am not saying that we should not remain vigilant or suspicious, but there is a line between hostile mistrust and healthy skepticism that we seem to have a hard time distinguishing. We hear the horror stories on a daily basis of the naively trusting being taken for a ride down the advantage highway. Grandpa is sending all of his money to a Nigerian prince, and our cousin's friend spent their paycheck on tickets from a "girl" in Kenosha who sold a bunch of e-tickets as a scam and they were not allowed into the concert. That woman on welfare is just abusing the system buying crab legs on food stamps and that man on disability and medicaid is just selling his Oxycontin making a giant profit. This just turns us into at the very least aggressively misguided in our interactions to establish our "positions", at worst, just plain bullies.
So, if we believe that everyone is equally awful until proven otherwise, where does that leave us? We do live in a hostile world, that is a fact, but what are our real threats? I have had some amazing experiences with my fellow human beings throughout the world. Strangers in small pubs in Norther Ireland, locals in Paris buying you dinner because they are stoked you came into their neighborhood restaurant, homeless people in San Diego smiling at you and wishing you good day even though you did not have a dollar to give them, and a Guatemalan taxi driver who takes you to his favorite restaurant and lets you use his cell phone to call back to the states because you gave him a chance to show you his country through his eyes. Not to mention the AIRBNB guests who have stayed at our place, or us staying at their place, giving us a glimpse into what makes them tick. I really could go on. But, if I treated everyone online with aggressive affirmation that, by God, they will not screw me over, or in person for that matter, there are so many things that I would have missed out on in life because that attitude is off-putting and who would want to open themselves up to a person like that? One of the biggest problems we face is the fact that we no longer have to fight for our survival, that is another blog post I will get into later, but it is also one of our biggest blessings. We do not really have to worry if the wine we buy is filled with a weird combination of things other than wine, or if an outlaw will appear out of the woods to slit our throats and steal our horses. There are big things now that we have to worry about though, that in the past we could have never imagined. Things that we can only overcome with the help of each other. We are a connected world, for the good and the bad, we need people to trust other people. We need other countries to trust other countries, and the like. We need to identify the real enemies, but we need to remain friendly and open. Sure there are dark entities amongst us, but if we allow them to take over our world view, then we are in danger of falling divided and alone.
Here I am, you know me if you are reading this, sitting on 4, not 1 or 2 or 3, but FOUR tickets to a sold out show in Chicago that I no longer plan on attending, mostly because if I do, I will only be using 1 of the said tickets. (Sadly I listen to music that definitely does not interest my husband, or most friends for that matter.) So, in my naive mind I set out on this venture believing the following: This is going to be easy, it is a sold out show, electronic tickets. Meaning I just have to forward a simple email to the potential buyer who can send me the money electronically. We never have to meet, therefore, I do not have to fear being kidnapped, raped, and dismembered by some weirdo perusing Craigslist expressly for that reason, I do fully believe all of that is avoidable though. How horribly and soul destroying this logic proved.
It was not a simple transaction and people were actually mean. Not only were they mean, the mere mention of the fact that they were electronic tickets and not "hard copies" sent them on indignant tirades aimed squarely at my character and apparent stupidity at the notion that I must be a fool to think that I could trick them into my scam and web of lies. Because, apparently I am selling these tickets to multiple parties, sitting on a pile money laughing while victim upon victim is denied access from said concert. To them, my next step would be to put the money in some sort of offshore account, while I set up my new digs on a remote Caribbean island, where I will spend the rest of my life living in the lap of luxury subsidized by all my ill gained concert ticket money.
I am not sure why this is bothering me as much as it is. Do I really want to go to the concert, kind of, but I will be seeing the band a month later with my fantastic sister-in-law and her husband, probably the only 2 people on the planet who like similar music and going to shows with me. The fact that I bought the tickets, thinking I could entice a few friends to a free concert does not bother me, since it is at least the third time this has happened. It was the attack on my character by strangers who just assumed I was the kind of person who would screw them over. That is what bothers me. I consider myself an honest and relatively straight forward person. If you know me, I have the unfortunately talent of wearing every emotion that I am feeling at every moment directly on my face. I also hate being judged and I have always wanted people to like me, desperately. This whole Craigslist debacle has thrown in my direction all of my social fears in one fell swoop. Aside from all of that, it has sadly been a confirming experience in relation to my feelings of my fellow human beings. That we are more skeptical, un-trusting, willfully mean, and prone to disliking and judging others we come into contact with more than ever before.
Now every person on AIRBNB, or Craigslist, or our Uber driver is out to kill us, rape us, and dismember us. I am not saying that we should not remain vigilant or suspicious, but there is a line between hostile mistrust and healthy skepticism that we seem to have a hard time distinguishing. We hear the horror stories on a daily basis of the naively trusting being taken for a ride down the advantage highway. Grandpa is sending all of his money to a Nigerian prince, and our cousin's friend spent their paycheck on tickets from a "girl" in Kenosha who sold a bunch of e-tickets as a scam and they were not allowed into the concert. That woman on welfare is just abusing the system buying crab legs on food stamps and that man on disability and medicaid is just selling his Oxycontin making a giant profit. This just turns us into at the very least aggressively misguided in our interactions to establish our "positions", at worst, just plain bullies.
So, if we believe that everyone is equally awful until proven otherwise, where does that leave us? We do live in a hostile world, that is a fact, but what are our real threats? I have had some amazing experiences with my fellow human beings throughout the world. Strangers in small pubs in Norther Ireland, locals in Paris buying you dinner because they are stoked you came into their neighborhood restaurant, homeless people in San Diego smiling at you and wishing you good day even though you did not have a dollar to give them, and a Guatemalan taxi driver who takes you to his favorite restaurant and lets you use his cell phone to call back to the states because you gave him a chance to show you his country through his eyes. Not to mention the AIRBNB guests who have stayed at our place, or us staying at their place, giving us a glimpse into what makes them tick. I really could go on. But, if I treated everyone online with aggressive affirmation that, by God, they will not screw me over, or in person for that matter, there are so many things that I would have missed out on in life because that attitude is off-putting and who would want to open themselves up to a person like that? One of the biggest problems we face is the fact that we no longer have to fight for our survival, that is another blog post I will get into later, but it is also one of our biggest blessings. We do not really have to worry if the wine we buy is filled with a weird combination of things other than wine, or if an outlaw will appear out of the woods to slit our throats and steal our horses. There are big things now that we have to worry about though, that in the past we could have never imagined. Things that we can only overcome with the help of each other. We are a connected world, for the good and the bad, we need people to trust other people. We need other countries to trust other countries, and the like. We need to identify the real enemies, but we need to remain friendly and open. Sure there are dark entities amongst us, but if we allow them to take over our world view, then we are in danger of falling divided and alone.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
My Generation
Another day, another handful of negative missives bitterly complaining about the Millennial Generation. We are rude, arrogant, know-it-alls. We wear awful cloths, have too much education, too little education. We are too over-zealous and driven at work, while inexplicably lazy and entitled at the same time. If there is anything wrong in the great wide world, or just in our own communities, apparently it is totally and utterly the fault of a generation who ironically lacks any sort of power, position, or wealth. If the devil and anti-Christ were summoned, the first to be blamed will be the generation of 80 million, 18-33 years, if we are not already the devil and anti-Christ combined. These negative screeds are not only churlish and childish, sometimes they are so off base I am confused by the disgust our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and older cousins possess towards us.
I not only take these personally because I am a millennial, but because I fall into the older bracket of the generation who experienced the brunt of the economic downturn. If you are shaking your head at my "entitlement complex" shake away. You are right, no I did not lose a house, or my retirement fund. And no, I did not have to declare bankruptcy or get my boat repossessed. And you know why, because I probably will never have the opportunity to acquire all that, especially on credit. What I lost was my job, the ability to be at a place in my career I deserve, any sort of respect from my Millennial hating mentors, and most devastatingly the idea of safety and security within our great American economic sphere. So here I sit, in one of my multiple jobs, looking at a younger generation and hoping it works out better for them. They they will not get cast under the tires of the run away bus like I did at 26. That my generation or anyone older will not disparage them at every turn, mocking their dreams and desires as that of a the lesser. Constantly degrading anything and everything associated with the time period they were born, while grouping everyone together as bad apples.
I work with a lot of and am clearly friends with many 18-33 somethings. What I have seen from them is the importance with which they value their family and friends.Valuing experiences over their next BMW, and lets face it, they are not the ones making the decision to lay-off workers over unsustainable profits for shareholders. I see young lawyers who, yes are driven by doing what they love. Passionate teachers and coaches who leave their all with those they influence. I know millenials who proudly create new tools and technology. I see marketing analysts and human resources managers who get up every day like their older co-workers, loyally providing for the company they work for, regardless of how loyal the company is to them. Furthermore, I see young mothers and fathers who are ridiculously attentive to their children, their health, and the betterment of this world.
What I do not see are poorly dressed slobs, who demand something for nothing. I do not see soulless drones who text and tweet their way through the day. The only entitlement I see is the demand for respect and that is not something so strange. I mean for God's sake, I am 32, married, own a home, a car, have multiple jobs, pay back my student loans every month, is there nothing good about this? Is it so offensive to want a little bit of respect? Or my friends who have children, and live a generally good and loving life. Is that not respectable? We go to church, we don't go to church, we have homes, we rent, we go on vacation and visit our families and vice versa. You get what I am saying, it is not so different from Generation X or the "'tweeners" or Baby Boomers. What I see less of are articles written by millenials complaining about how the Booomers left us with massive loads of debt. How the tweeners ran amok in our economy like bulls in the proverbial china shot. No, we are a forward facing generation and I am sorry, but not sorry that we want to move forward and do better. Not just for ourselves but for our children and others that come after us, because we are not so shortsighted to see that an indictment against them will be an indictment against us. So, the next time you older generations take to you computer to tackle the "problem generation" remember who was at the helm of everything in our most formative years.
I not only take these personally because I am a millennial, but because I fall into the older bracket of the generation who experienced the brunt of the economic downturn. If you are shaking your head at my "entitlement complex" shake away. You are right, no I did not lose a house, or my retirement fund. And no, I did not have to declare bankruptcy or get my boat repossessed. And you know why, because I probably will never have the opportunity to acquire all that, especially on credit. What I lost was my job, the ability to be at a place in my career I deserve, any sort of respect from my Millennial hating mentors, and most devastatingly the idea of safety and security within our great American economic sphere. So here I sit, in one of my multiple jobs, looking at a younger generation and hoping it works out better for them. They they will not get cast under the tires of the run away bus like I did at 26. That my generation or anyone older will not disparage them at every turn, mocking their dreams and desires as that of a the lesser. Constantly degrading anything and everything associated with the time period they were born, while grouping everyone together as bad apples.
I work with a lot of and am clearly friends with many 18-33 somethings. What I have seen from them is the importance with which they value their family and friends.Valuing experiences over their next BMW, and lets face it, they are not the ones making the decision to lay-off workers over unsustainable profits for shareholders. I see young lawyers who, yes are driven by doing what they love. Passionate teachers and coaches who leave their all with those they influence. I know millenials who proudly create new tools and technology. I see marketing analysts and human resources managers who get up every day like their older co-workers, loyally providing for the company they work for, regardless of how loyal the company is to them. Furthermore, I see young mothers and fathers who are ridiculously attentive to their children, their health, and the betterment of this world.
What I do not see are poorly dressed slobs, who demand something for nothing. I do not see soulless drones who text and tweet their way through the day. The only entitlement I see is the demand for respect and that is not something so strange. I mean for God's sake, I am 32, married, own a home, a car, have multiple jobs, pay back my student loans every month, is there nothing good about this? Is it so offensive to want a little bit of respect? Or my friends who have children, and live a generally good and loving life. Is that not respectable? We go to church, we don't go to church, we have homes, we rent, we go on vacation and visit our families and vice versa. You get what I am saying, it is not so different from Generation X or the "'tweeners" or Baby Boomers. What I see less of are articles written by millenials complaining about how the Booomers left us with massive loads of debt. How the tweeners ran amok in our economy like bulls in the proverbial china shot. No, we are a forward facing generation and I am sorry, but not sorry that we want to move forward and do better. Not just for ourselves but for our children and others that come after us, because we are not so shortsighted to see that an indictment against them will be an indictment against us. So, the next time you older generations take to you computer to tackle the "problem generation" remember who was at the helm of everything in our most formative years.
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