Listen, being unhappy with the results of the election does not make you anti- or un- American. It doesn't make you lazy, it doesn't make you a sore loser, and it doesn't mean that many of us do not have fair grievances for what happened last night. Just like if you voted for Donald Trump it doesn't necessarily mean you are a racist, or a misogynist. It probably means that you just wanted change, despite not much change happening in the senate or the congress, but that is a conversation for another day. Just like I can recognize that not all Donald Trump supporters are as mentioned above, racist or misogynist, people need to understand that for many of us, Donald Trumps message of change did NOT resonate louder than his, well, "other" message. What I wanted from this election is.....
I want to live in a nation where it is okay to be Muslim, or Jewish, just as much as it is okay to be Catholic or Episcopalian. The real and threatening language that has been directed towards those groups deserves to be addressed and not swept under the rug because people on Facebook want this to be "over." The very real fear that has been instilled in both groups is undeserved and for many preserving their daily life felt dependent on this election, and they are still living in uncertainty. People of different faiths deserve to live their lives in peace in this country.
I want to live in a nation where journalist can cover events without fear of retribution. Where journalist, even if they lean right or left, are respected and allowed to be included in the conversations that shape this nation. I want the press room in the White House to always be full, I want newspapers to always have the scoop, I want the network anchors to always be able to tell the story without the threat of censorship. We deserve to have a strong and active press corp who upholds and reflects our right to free speech, always.
I want to live in a nation where LGBT kids are not threatened with bogus conversion therapy. Because, for one it is not a real thing, and two, there is nothing wrong with them. I want my friends and family who are married to partners of the same sex be able to be by their side in times of need. To always be recognized as who they are, live every other married couple living their lives. I do not want them to fear that the sanctity of their unions can be wiped away. People in this country deserve the right to love who they love without question. They have a right be treated with equality and respect.
I want to live in a nation where my life is not threatened by an non-viable pregnancy. I do not want women to be punished, physically, mentally, or emotionally for making a choice about her health and body. Even one woman who dies because of abortion bans is too many. When women are dying in places like Italy, Ireland, and Poland despite having amazing medical care, but the inability to have a life saving abortion performed, and American's continue to avoid that part of the discussion, I and many other women will live in fear. No one has a right to my body but me, when that is taken away what will we as women have left?
I want to live in a nation that recognizes it was founded by immigrants and continues to be welcoming to immigrants. Our immigrant community, be it Somali, Syrian, Hmong, or any other nation, contribute to our vibrant country. They deserve our compassion and kindness, not our hatred or disgust of another. I do not want people fleeing from war, hunger, or political strife to have to carry that fear with them here. It does not seem right that children of immigrants fear being sent back. My heart broke last night when my seven year old nephew asked if he is going to have to live in Pakistan now. No one should ever have to feel like they are unwanted despite being citizens.
I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the new President-elect that he can govern for everyone like he promised this morning. But, these are very real issues to very real Americans. Things have been said, innuendo has been made and in some cases action unfortunately has been taken. A little empathy could go a long way with "healing the divide" that everyone talks about. If we as a nation are unwilling to even acknowledge this, to discuss that what went down, too many people will be living the next four years in fear. You many of voted for him in an effort for change, but many did not vote for him out of fear that they will not be able to go about their daily lives. The travesty remains that people do not want to talk about this, or think we should sweep it under the rugs. Again, I am not going to remain silent about it. I do hope for change, I hope that these fears are unfounded, but I cannot and will not remain silent.
Me
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
Word
So, when I was in high school and undergrad I loved those class discussions about World War II. They always fascinated me and the older and more studied I became there was always something about the events and circumstances that I just could not understand and it always stemmed from the same idea that has ruminated in my head since I first thought it in eight grade. So it was with that idea rattling around in my brain that I went about studying the subject. It was with great relief when I realized in my first graduate seminar on the topic, that it was an actual academic issue that colored many scholar's study of the Holocaust more specifically than just World War II. That issue being, who was at fault. The German government or the whole country, every person. What always fascinated me in earlier classes was how quickly other students would feign disgust at the idea that people could so idly sit by while their neighbors were being massacred. And I always refrained from giving my opinion on it, because there are many circumstances involved and the one thing you cannot ever do use hindsight as justification in determining your moral fiber. The honest truth is that no one knows what they would have done in 1933 Germany, 1937 Germany, 1944 Germany and so on and so forth. We can be disgusted about what happened, we can question why opposition was so low, (Gestapo was effective, people ratted out their neighbors, as American's we do not give enough credit to resistance fighters because it takes away from our own narrative as the hero, and so on and so forth) and we most certainly can be abhorred that people participated. But, there is one thing no one can say with certainty and that is, "Well, I would never have stood for/done/accepted/participated.....in said event." The only thing that you will ever know is what you are doing in the present and what you personally did in the past.
That being said, we are on the last day of our current presidential election cycle and for me, speaking out against someone I think is truly dangerous, not only to my family, but to our democracy, to our history, to our rights, and to our freedoms is pretty damn important. I keep seeing people on Facebook being upset that people are vocal about this election. That politics is just politics and people need to relax. And yes, that is usually true every four years and in all honesty the president actually has relatively little bearing on your every day world. However, and this is a giant HOWEVER, we have never had a presidential candidate so close to winning that continues insult women, demonize Muslims, harass immigrants, debase handicap people, threaten the future family of our LGBT citizens. At the very least this person will represent the American people to the world, and I for one am appalled that this rhetoric is accepted by one of the most influential political parties in the country. I am appalled that now, not one but two or the world's most popular religions are being insulted, since the Jewish community has been added to the list. We are a country with freedom of religion. I am appalled that the journalist of this country are being threatened, despite our freedom of the press which is our assurance that we will be informed, and that our government HAS to be transparent. I am personally angered for my Muslim family members, my immigrant friends, and anyone else who has been treated as a second class citizen by Mr. Trump. This is the time to speak out and it is my right. Sorry, but this is more important that showing pictures of my dog, food, husband, or whatever non-important thing I did last Saturday.
If you think it is OK because Mr. Trump is anti-establishment, think again. He has continually benefited from being a white, rich male. There is nothing anti-establishment about that, zero. He has never been on the outside looking in. He has benefited greatly from our political system, tax system, justice system, economic system, and popular culture form of entertainment. We do not get to throw human decency out the window because we feel like we are getting screwed by a government your friends and neighbors voted for 2, 4, or 6 years ago. But what I can tell you, what is an immediate threat for me, is this nugget of knowledge that effects me personally EVERY DAMN DAY. It is why I feel the need to speak out and it is why many others do as well.
"The Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at California State University, San Bernardino, found at least 260 hate crimes targeting Muslims in 2015 ― nearly an 80 percent rise from 2014, and the greatest number of such crimes in any year since 2001.
Researchers in that report also found an 87.5% increase in hate crimes against Muslims in the days directly following Trumps proposal to ban Muslims from entering the U.S."
*(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/lawyers-blame-alt-right-for-clients-death-threats-against-muslims_us_581c9e9be4b0e80b02c93e24)
What bothers me immediately is that despite being 2016, we still live in a nation that still espouses a certain type of rape culture where men feel permitted to even comment on a woman's body. (ahem Harvard Soccer team) To the point where it is just peachy keen that we have a presidential candidate who does it on a regular basis and it is dismissed as nothing but a boys will be boys mentality. A mentality that makes it A-okay for rape victims to be blamed or dismissed because, "they drank too much," or "wore slutty cloths."
Because, here is the deal. WORDS HAVE POWER. Words have the power to vilify, words have the power to shame, and worst of all words have the power to act as agency in the expression of anger, real or manufactured. A shift in our culture is not a license to suspend the rights of minorities, religious or color of skin or sexual orientation. A shift in our demographic population does not give us a right to harden our hearts against our fellow citizens casting aside a group of people as second class citizens. The only person who made this election personal is the one on the ballot tomorrow. So yes, with so much at stake, I will speak out. I will post about it on Facebook. You should feel uncomfortable with him, we all should feel uncomfortable with this. Listen, we need a working Republican/Conservative Party. That is not the issue here. This is not about being a conservative or a liberal. I am disgusted for my die hard Republican friends who are suffering through the agony of this election cycle knowing they cannot vote for this man. At this point it is about human decency. What is the issue is the fact that right now a narcissistic demagogue is the face of that party. We cannot allow any more hate to permeate our great experiment. We cannot let this man become the suicide of our democracy. My family deserves better and so does yours. And I can live with myself in 2016 and the fact that I did speak out against Donald Trump's hatred. I know where I stand today in the face of someone threatening my family, friends, and fellow citizens.
Monday, October 17, 2016
To be or not to be: In Control
Everyday most of us strive to live the life that best suits our needs, be them immediate or long term. I need coffee to wake up. It is immediate and even though its a normative, minuscule task, I still only exert a certain amount of control in my even being able to complete the process in order to make sure I get coffee. There could have been some accident rendering my water supply contaminated. My dog could have jumped up and broke my coffee maker, the Starbucks or deli down the street could have burned down. There are things beyond my control that could totally paralyze my ability to meet my need for coffee. Now, it probably seems like a stupid example, but if our tiny needs through out the day are not 100% in our control, the bigger ones are even more complex. And this is what has been rattling around in my brain. How much control do we actually have, and furthermore, how much do our desires to control our own outcomes effect other people?
I get the concept of control and how appealing it is psychologically. You can decided what happens, avoid the bad, be better, do better, have better. Get what you want when you want because you are in control. It is safe, it is easy, and more importantly it is something that you wholly own. It is yours. Your own concept of control is enacted by your own definition of it. But, the dichotomy of control and controlling is often put on the back burner, mostly not even realized. Because, as I stated from above, how much does our desire for control effect other people? Our relationships within the family, marital, friendships, and so forth. If we are each and solely in control or our lives, then when we intersect there are two independent forces fighting for control. No matter how much we refuse to admit it or realize it. It is scary for many to acquiesce their control. Look at backseat drivers, people who criticize the most mundane tasks like cooking. How does one reconcile the big ones?
Admittedly I think about this a lot because sometimes control is over rated. It makes us too hard on ourselves and too hard on other people. "If he could just control his feelings he wouldn't be in this mess." "All she has to do is exert a bit of control and she could have what she wants." When dealing with other people the idea of control lets us off the hook, we get to write off their failures as their own fault. Why should we be bothered with feelings of sympathy or empathy because someone was lax in their control. On a personal level, and especially in America, we are saddled with expectations of perfection. Ideologically individualized, constantly driven by the concept of not having anyone to blame but ourselves. I think its utterly preposterous. We want to control our lives but we have to be careful. At the same time we have to display effusive amounts of gratitude for "what we have," in total spite of how we might be feeling at that moment or years down the road. This renders the idea of real control utterly mute, and it is even more glaring when we are intersecting with other people. Control as a double edge sword sucks, and is especially susceptible to sucking depending on who is wielding it. Despite desiring control of our lives we are still help up to normative standards of our society, which makes us desperately cling to our control even more, scaring the shit out of people who feel out of control and so on and so forth. Fast forward to anxiety and a host of other problems.
Is control a useful tool in holding ourselves accountable? Very much so. Does it help us to reach our goals and stay on track? Absolutely. All I wish is for us to remember the downsides when we hold on to it too rigidly. When we rest on our control like it is some sort of Puritanical laurel of achievement. Ironically too many Americans consider our nation to be a Christian one, if that were ultimately the truth, the need for control would diminish. We wouldn't need it because we have faith. What amuses me about the idea of control is that fact that I have a pretty total lack of said faith, but no strong desire to fight and push for my version of control. It is probably lazy on my part but I want to be forgiving of myself and those around me. I see the world as so interconnected there is just no way that my own actions will ever solely effect just me no matter how hard I try or how little I think about the effects of my actions. I also want to see life changing and I want to give myself permission to change with it and those around me as well. So as Ralph Ellison said in Invisible Man, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” We can try to be the most perfect human being, the best versions of ourselves, exert the utmost amount of control in the process, but after all, we are only human beings. We are all on the precipice of defeat because that is what it means to be human and fallible.
I get the concept of control and how appealing it is psychologically. You can decided what happens, avoid the bad, be better, do better, have better. Get what you want when you want because you are in control. It is safe, it is easy, and more importantly it is something that you wholly own. It is yours. Your own concept of control is enacted by your own definition of it. But, the dichotomy of control and controlling is often put on the back burner, mostly not even realized. Because, as I stated from above, how much does our desire for control effect other people? Our relationships within the family, marital, friendships, and so forth. If we are each and solely in control or our lives, then when we intersect there are two independent forces fighting for control. No matter how much we refuse to admit it or realize it. It is scary for many to acquiesce their control. Look at backseat drivers, people who criticize the most mundane tasks like cooking. How does one reconcile the big ones?
Admittedly I think about this a lot because sometimes control is over rated. It makes us too hard on ourselves and too hard on other people. "If he could just control his feelings he wouldn't be in this mess." "All she has to do is exert a bit of control and she could have what she wants." When dealing with other people the idea of control lets us off the hook, we get to write off their failures as their own fault. Why should we be bothered with feelings of sympathy or empathy because someone was lax in their control. On a personal level, and especially in America, we are saddled with expectations of perfection. Ideologically individualized, constantly driven by the concept of not having anyone to blame but ourselves. I think its utterly preposterous. We want to control our lives but we have to be careful. At the same time we have to display effusive amounts of gratitude for "what we have," in total spite of how we might be feeling at that moment or years down the road. This renders the idea of real control utterly mute, and it is even more glaring when we are intersecting with other people. Control as a double edge sword sucks, and is especially susceptible to sucking depending on who is wielding it. Despite desiring control of our lives we are still help up to normative standards of our society, which makes us desperately cling to our control even more, scaring the shit out of people who feel out of control and so on and so forth. Fast forward to anxiety and a host of other problems.
Is control a useful tool in holding ourselves accountable? Very much so. Does it help us to reach our goals and stay on track? Absolutely. All I wish is for us to remember the downsides when we hold on to it too rigidly. When we rest on our control like it is some sort of Puritanical laurel of achievement. Ironically too many Americans consider our nation to be a Christian one, if that were ultimately the truth, the need for control would diminish. We wouldn't need it because we have faith. What amuses me about the idea of control is that fact that I have a pretty total lack of said faith, but no strong desire to fight and push for my version of control. It is probably lazy on my part but I want to be forgiving of myself and those around me. I see the world as so interconnected there is just no way that my own actions will ever solely effect just me no matter how hard I try or how little I think about the effects of my actions. I also want to see life changing and I want to give myself permission to change with it and those around me as well. So as Ralph Ellison said in Invisible Man, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” We can try to be the most perfect human being, the best versions of ourselves, exert the utmost amount of control in the process, but after all, we are only human beings. We are all on the precipice of defeat because that is what it means to be human and fallible.
To be or not to be: In Control
Everyday most of us strive to live the life that best suits our needs, be them immediate or long term. I need coffee to wake up. It is immediate and even though its a normative, minuscule task, I still only exert a certain amount of control in my even being able to complete the process in order to make sure I get coffee. There could have been some accident rendering my water supply contaminated. My dog could have jumped up and broke my coffee maker, the Starbucks or deli down the street could have burned down. There are things beyond my control that could totally paralyze my ability to meet my need for coffee. Now, it probably seems like a stupid example, but if our tiny needs through out the day are not 100% in our control, the bigger ones are even more complex. And this is what has been rattling around in my brain. How much control do we actually have, and furthermore, how much do our desires to control our own outcomes effect other people?
I get the concept of control and how appealing it is psychologically. You can decided what happens, avoid the bad, be better, do better, have better. Get what you want when you want because you are in control. It is safe, it is easy, and more importantly it is something that you wholly own. It is yours. Your own concept of control is enacted by your own definition of it. But, the dichotomy of control and controlling is often put on the back burner, mostly not even realized. Because, as I stated from above, how much does our desire for control effect other people? Our relationships within the family, marital, friendships, and so forth. If we are each and solely in control or our lives, then when we intersect there are two independent forces fighting for control. No matter how much we refuse to admit it or realize it. It is scary for many to acquiesce their control. Look at backseat drivers, people who criticize the most mundane tasks like cooking. How does one reconcile the big ones?
Admittedly I think about this a lot because sometimes control is over rated. It makes us too hard on ourselves and too hard on other people. "If he could just control his feelings he wouldn't be in this mess." "All she has to do is exert a bit of control and she could have what she wants." When dealing with other people the idea of control lets us off the hook, we get to write off their failures as their own fault. Why should we be bothered with feelings of sympathy or empathy because someone was lax in their control. On a personal level, and especially in America, we are saddled with expectations of perfection. Ideologically individualized, constantly driven by the concept of not having anyone to blame but ourselves. I think its utterly preposterous. We want to control our lives but we have to be careful. At the same time we have to display effusive amounts of gratitude for "what we have," in total spite of how we might be feeling at that moment or years down the road. This renders the idea of real control utterly mute, and it is even more glaring when we are intersecting with other people. Control as a double edge sword sucks, and is especially susceptible to sucking depending on who is wielding it. Despite desiring control of our lives we are still help up to normative standards of our society, which makes us desperately cling to our control even more, scaring the shit out of people who feel out of control and so on and so forth. Fast forward to anxiety and a host of other problems.
Is control a useful tool in holding ourselves accountable? Very much so. Does it help us to reach our goals and stay on track? Absolutely. All I wish is for us to remember the downsides when we hold on to it too rigidly. When we rest on our control like it is some sort of Puritanical laurel of achievement. Ironically too many Americans consider our nation to be a Christian one, if that were ultimately the truth, the need for control would diminish. We wouldn't need it because we have faith. What amuses me about the idea of control is that fact that I have a pretty total lack of said faith, but no strong desire to fight and push for my version of control. It is probably lazy on my part but I want to be forgiving of myself and those around me. I see the world as so interconnected there is just no way that my own actions will ever solely effect just me no matter how hard I try or how little I think about the effects of my actions. I also want to see life changing and I want to give myself permission to change with it and those around me as well. So as Ralph Ellison said in Invisible Man, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” We can try to be the most perfect human being, the best versions of ourselves, exert the utmost amount of control in the process, but after all, we are only human beings. We are all on the precipice of defeat because that is what it means to be human and fallible.
I get the concept of control and how appealing it is psychologically. You can decided what happens, avoid the bad, be better, do better, have better. Get what you want when you want because you are in control. It is safe, it is easy, and more importantly it is something that you wholly own. It is yours. Your own concept of control is enacted by your own definition of it. But, the dichotomy of control and controlling is often put on the back burner, mostly not even realized. Because, as I stated from above, how much does our desire for control effect other people? Our relationships within the family, marital, friendships, and so forth. If we are each and solely in control or our lives, then when we intersect there are two independent forces fighting for control. No matter how much we refuse to admit it or realize it. It is scary for many to acquiesce their control. Look at backseat drivers, people who criticize the most mundane tasks like cooking. How does one reconcile the big ones?
Admittedly I think about this a lot because sometimes control is over rated. It makes us too hard on ourselves and too hard on other people. "If he could just control his feelings he wouldn't be in this mess." "All she has to do is exert a bit of control and she could have what she wants." When dealing with other people the idea of control lets us off the hook, we get to write off their failures as their own fault. Why should we be bothered with feelings of sympathy or empathy because someone was lax in their control. On a personal level, and especially in America, we are saddled with expectations of perfection. Ideologically individualized, constantly driven by the concept of not having anyone to blame but ourselves. I think its utterly preposterous. We want to control our lives but we have to be careful. At the same time we have to display effusive amounts of gratitude for "what we have," in total spite of how we might be feeling at that moment or years down the road. This renders the idea of real control utterly mute, and it is even more glaring when we are intersecting with other people. Control as a double edge sword sucks, and is especially susceptible to sucking depending on who is wielding it. Despite desiring control of our lives we are still help up to normative standards of our society, which makes us desperately cling to our control even more, scaring the shit out of people who feel out of control and so on and so forth. Fast forward to anxiety and a host of other problems.
Is control a useful tool in holding ourselves accountable? Very much so. Does it help us to reach our goals and stay on track? Absolutely. All I wish is for us to remember the downsides when we hold on to it too rigidly. When we rest on our control like it is some sort of Puritanical laurel of achievement. Ironically too many Americans consider our nation to be a Christian one, if that were ultimately the truth, the need for control would diminish. We wouldn't need it because we have faith. What amuses me about the idea of control is that fact that I have a pretty total lack of said faith, but no strong desire to fight and push for my version of control. It is probably lazy on my part but I want to be forgiving of myself and those around me. I see the world as so interconnected there is just no way that my own actions will ever solely effect just me no matter how hard I try or how little I think about the effects of my actions. I also want to see life changing and I want to give myself permission to change with it and those around me as well. So as Ralph Ellison said in Invisible Man, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” We can try to be the most perfect human being, the best versions of ourselves, exert the utmost amount of control in the process, but after all, we are only human beings. We are all on the precipice of defeat because that is what it means to be human and fallible.
Monday, August 29, 2016
What is Perfection?
On a longer boat trip yesterday, I settled down to read and take a much needed nap. It was the close to another long and tiring weekend, that also ended up being personally challenging as well. I am the type of person that very much lives in my head and to me, I am always the problem and while I am cognizant of that fact, and despite my near constant failure, I am always looking to be better, to do better, to be the perfection I see in everyone else. So, I was excited when I found this article (http://qz.com/762868/giving-up-alcohol-opened-my-eyes-to-the-infuriating-truth-about-why-women-drink/) on my news feed and settled down to read it. At first it was awesome and I could not have agreed more and it made me feel a little better about myself until the end. The piece closed with the author and a a few other women, at the 'deep end' of the pool essentially judging a group of other women at the 'shallow end' for drinking at a bachelorette party. Not only did it ruin the article, it made me sad. Sad that here was an otherwise awesome and relatable article for women in general that became over-shadowed, at least for me, again by the fact that women always feel the need to judge others to validate their life. It made me sad for the author because she has a story to tell, she has needs, wants, feelings and failures, but why add that part at the end. The little part that invalidates the women's lives she is judging, for reasons unbeknownst to me, because it did not seem an imperative to the story that she was writing, unless I misread the whole piece and the only point she was trying to convey was that she was at some form of higher understanding which made her better than other women who still drink, even just a little. But, it didn't seem like that.
It got me thinking about why I was so bothered by it. Then I started thinking about all the women I smiled at this weekend at the regatta only to be met with scowls, some have been doing it for years but year after year I keep smiling. Like I have said before sailing is one of the most misogynistic activities a woman can participate in, silly me for thinking other women would want a conspiratorial grin (we made it through another day) much less to talk after a day of being out on the water with 3 men in a 22 ft boat. There are definitely awesome women sailors, who love to talk about the day on the water, and just because you want to be friendly with someone, it does not mean they have to be friendly with you, but for me it will always sucks because I do take it personally and like I said, I am aware of my short comings, believe me. I just wish that us women could be better to each other sometimes, nay, all the times. Not just more understanding, but more forgiving.
You see, I am sure all of this thinking is precipitated by my upcoming birthday and thinking about the past year. My 33rd year on this planet has been an weird one. Fun, but frustrating. I have gotten closer to some awesome people, went on adventures with some cool cats, have been frustrated by my near constant failures concerning employment and other areas, have gotten to spend a ton of time with family, and in general am still trying to figure out who I am in all of this. How can I be better, how can I be like the people I know, how can I be less frustrating, more perfect. I keep waiting for myself to figure it out, like everyone else has. What can be said when the same issues you had at 17, 23, and 27 crop up still when you are 33? My biggest question in all of this continues to simply be, "When will I grow up?" As weird as I am, I cannot be the only one with insecurities.
So as you can see, with all of this, it is easy to sit back and let my jealousy of all of you guide my need to judge. But, that is the one thing I can honestly say I am and have been cognizant about in the last year and it was why I was so bothered by the end of the article. It is why I am bothered by smile thing. So many of you are doing awesome an amazing things, when I see pictures, when I talk to you, whenever something negative floats into my head, and lets be honest we all do it, I have been mentally slapping myself. Not a face palming gesture, but a literal bitch slap to myself in my brain and chastising to stop it. Stop it because we all feel crappy sometimes so we need to live in our triumphs and perfect moments. I mentally slap myself to stop wishing people felt my failures or failure period, because they most likely do have their own. I don't want to be the kind of person who judges someone I know nothing about, and I most certainly do not want to be the kind of person who judges someone I know a lot about, because as much as we know them we are not them. So instead of judging someone, next time think about why. Is it our own failures driving us? Can we reconcile our personal experiences to the world around us and realize everyone has a different experience? Most of all, for all of my lady friends out there, think about how awesome our lives would be if we embraced each other instead of the constant competing. To women we know and don't know, lets offer each other a bit of grace because we most likely are NOT going to get it from anywhere else, so lets give each other the grace we deserve. We all strive for perfection, but for those of you I know, you are all pretty perfect to me, and for those women I don't I am sure you are too in your own way. It might not be you, but the society we live in.
It got me thinking about why I was so bothered by it. Then I started thinking about all the women I smiled at this weekend at the regatta only to be met with scowls, some have been doing it for years but year after year I keep smiling. Like I have said before sailing is one of the most misogynistic activities a woman can participate in, silly me for thinking other women would want a conspiratorial grin (we made it through another day) much less to talk after a day of being out on the water with 3 men in a 22 ft boat. There are definitely awesome women sailors, who love to talk about the day on the water, and just because you want to be friendly with someone, it does not mean they have to be friendly with you, but for me it will always sucks because I do take it personally and like I said, I am aware of my short comings, believe me. I just wish that us women could be better to each other sometimes, nay, all the times. Not just more understanding, but more forgiving.
You see, I am sure all of this thinking is precipitated by my upcoming birthday and thinking about the past year. My 33rd year on this planet has been an weird one. Fun, but frustrating. I have gotten closer to some awesome people, went on adventures with some cool cats, have been frustrated by my near constant failures concerning employment and other areas, have gotten to spend a ton of time with family, and in general am still trying to figure out who I am in all of this. How can I be better, how can I be like the people I know, how can I be less frustrating, more perfect. I keep waiting for myself to figure it out, like everyone else has. What can be said when the same issues you had at 17, 23, and 27 crop up still when you are 33? My biggest question in all of this continues to simply be, "When will I grow up?" As weird as I am, I cannot be the only one with insecurities.
So as you can see, with all of this, it is easy to sit back and let my jealousy of all of you guide my need to judge. But, that is the one thing I can honestly say I am and have been cognizant about in the last year and it was why I was so bothered by the end of the article. It is why I am bothered by smile thing. So many of you are doing awesome an amazing things, when I see pictures, when I talk to you, whenever something negative floats into my head, and lets be honest we all do it, I have been mentally slapping myself. Not a face palming gesture, but a literal bitch slap to myself in my brain and chastising to stop it. Stop it because we all feel crappy sometimes so we need to live in our triumphs and perfect moments. I mentally slap myself to stop wishing people felt my failures or failure period, because they most likely do have their own. I don't want to be the kind of person who judges someone I know nothing about, and I most certainly do not want to be the kind of person who judges someone I know a lot about, because as much as we know them we are not them. So instead of judging someone, next time think about why. Is it our own failures driving us? Can we reconcile our personal experiences to the world around us and realize everyone has a different experience? Most of all, for all of my lady friends out there, think about how awesome our lives would be if we embraced each other instead of the constant competing. To women we know and don't know, lets offer each other a bit of grace because we most likely are NOT going to get it from anywhere else, so lets give each other the grace we deserve. We all strive for perfection, but for those of you I know, you are all pretty perfect to me, and for those women I don't I am sure you are too in your own way. It might not be you, but the society we live in.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Blood in the Streets
Yesterday, I was scrolling through my news feed and came to the Milwaukee news section. The first story was about a 17 year old boy leading police on a chase, being arrested, and now faces a few felony charges. I immediately felt bad for him. I felt bad because he never had a chance in this world. I felt bad because someone should have been there to guide him through his life, yet in light of his actions, it seems clear no one was there. I felt bad because the way he is, is not entirely his fault. He is only seventeen, the brain has yet to even fully formed, and he unfortunately screwed in a big way. It simultaneously and glaringly reflected my status in this country. Though, and through, my parents hard work, though, and through, my hard work, and my husband's, we have solidified our status a part of the privileged class in America. Most of the people I know, save a handful, reside in this class, despite their inability to see this.
So, this causes me to confess my confusion as to why so many in this country resonate with such a negative message of the realities of living in 2016 America. I do not feel oppressed, I do not feel suppressed. Am I fearful sometimes? Yes, but overall I look around and there so many great things about being here, I just have a hard time feeling disenfranchised, and for the people I know on Facebook, most of you are pretty lucky as well. You get to have children and not worry about if they will starve to death. You get to travel, skateboard, snowboard, ski, or sail most of your days away. You get to be stay-at-home dads or moms. You get to start and run your own businesses. You get to eat out, or eat in, but you get to eat. You can pretty much say whatever you want, whenever you want. You can watch Game of Thrones, drive your cars thousands of miles, vote, wear whatever your want, and just in general live. For all the crapping on America, or hard feelings about who we are as a country, you have to at least admit, we got it good.
Take me for example, I get to wake up at 7am and run 3 miles with my dog. I do not have to worry about being kidnapped and gang raped, like women in India or Brazil. I can wear shorts and t-shirt and not worry about breaking some indecency law. I get to travel, a lot. I don't have to have kids if I do not want to. My husband cannot beat me, like they can in Pakistan with their new guidelines/laws on domestic violence there. I get to watch little girls and boys walking to the school near my house every morning, without violent men waiting to kidnap the girls like in Nigeria or kill them like in Afghanistan. I see my young neighbor getting jobs and working like all young men and women want to do, but do not have the opportunity in Spain, Italy, Greece, or many European countries in economic crisis, still. Our beer companies can make beer, unlike those in Venezuela who are dependent on what their governments say can and cannot be produced. I see Verizon workers striking and winning concessions out of it, without committing violence or having violence committed against them, which is often the case in many parts of the world, even in Europe. I see the dangerous weaknesses in Russia and China that threaten world instability, and as a consequence how they treat their citizens and the countries in their region and I am more than grateful we have Canada and Mexico as our neighbors.
Here is what I do not see in America. White men being oppressed. They still get to walk into a room and not have their authority or knowledge of a topic questioned or second guessed. They still get a career boost when they have kids, not a career penalty like most women. They still get lighter jail sentences when committing crime than their minority counterparts. They do not have their resumes tossed in the trash because their name sounds "too ethnic." They do not continually have the bar of success moved higher and higher out of reach every time the meet it, like women. They do not have to do double the work to win. So, this is why I am confused at the collective temper tantrum.
For better or worse, we live in a capitalistic society. We have for a long time. We live in republic that consists of fifty states that follow a constitution. It allows us the privileges and freedom to do more than most any other person in any other country. Because of this, things are not perfect. With 300 million people, things will never be perfect. But, we know how bad things can get. We see the people of North Korea starving. We see Putin's opponents being murdered and people who speak out jailed. We see hundreds of refugees drowning in the Mediterranean escaping turmoil. (Biggest thing I have learned this primary season is the public has a gross misunderstanding of what the role of the Secretary of State is, but that is besides the point.) For better or worse our ideals were founded upon the notion free will, personal responsibility, and the right to participate in our communities. No one is taking that away from you, no one is forcing a lifestyle upon you that you cannot change. Stop saying we are oppressed. Stop saying we are suppressed. Stop saying we are "slaves" in some sort of machine. If you do not like it, then work to change it just more than every four years.
So, why in God's name would we want to "burn everything down?" Getting mad every four years is not going to change anything, but volunteering in your community will. I need to do better at that myself. We create a different country and a different world by making a difference to other people, not being angry. Revolution has such romantic connotations, I think we forget the consequences of past revolutions. The War of 1812, Napoleon Bonaparte, ISIS, Tienanmen Square, the starvation and food shortages in Russia. You fancy a revolution, fine, but remember most pensions, 401K, IRA's and retirement plans depend on Wall Street. Walgreens and CVS own most of the pharmacies, and what are we going to do to the corporations who make the drugs people rely on? Most people cannot pay their mortgage in full if the loan is called in due to economic instability. Getting money out of politics does not require a revolution, it requires a SCOTUS to make nuanced and fair decisions to court cases brought forward and fair interpretations of the constitution. You want to tear down the "moneyed class" fine, but it is always changing and people are always finding ways to make money, that will be a very bloody guillotine, just like in France you are going to have to murder a lot of people. Furthermore, just because people have money it doesn't make them bad, they just have money. You want to stop trade agreements, fine, all you have to do is stop shopping at Walmart and support your small local business who are not selling the cheap crap made in China, but that will cost you more money. Stop buying smart phones and other electronics. You want corporations to pay their fair share, fine, demand that you congress person address the loopholes in the tax code or work to vote them out of office.
The ironic thing about all this, the funny thing, is that if there is a conspiracy between the rich and the corporations to disparage and degrade the plebs, they certainly have us where they want us. As Baron Rothschild once said, "The time to buy is when there's blood in the streets." There may not be blood in the streets, but we certainly are hell bent on creating a gaping divide between us citizens. Do you honestly think tearing down our institutions, letting a madman billionaire and demagogue become president, is going to change anything for the better? The way I see it, I am comfortable in my lucky status and I realized I am privileged. I have been granted a lifestyle I could only dream of as kid, I just want others to be able to enjoy the same thing. If you have time, if you have extra food, money to pay your bills, in this world you are privileged. I am working for positive growth and cohesion between everyone. And I do believe that is more noble than flirting with the idea of destroying 200+ years of progress. If someone told you change is easy, fast, or you can get instant gratification, you were lied to and mislead. If you magically think everything will be different because someone promised it, that is an outright lie. The way I see it, we have two choices, work hard to change. Which is what change requires. Or "let it burn to the ground" and dance on its ashes while we watch a man who has defrauded thousands, bully his way through the highest office in our country, while alienating everything our founding fathers stood for.
So, this causes me to confess my confusion as to why so many in this country resonate with such a negative message of the realities of living in 2016 America. I do not feel oppressed, I do not feel suppressed. Am I fearful sometimes? Yes, but overall I look around and there so many great things about being here, I just have a hard time feeling disenfranchised, and for the people I know on Facebook, most of you are pretty lucky as well. You get to have children and not worry about if they will starve to death. You get to travel, skateboard, snowboard, ski, or sail most of your days away. You get to be stay-at-home dads or moms. You get to start and run your own businesses. You get to eat out, or eat in, but you get to eat. You can pretty much say whatever you want, whenever you want. You can watch Game of Thrones, drive your cars thousands of miles, vote, wear whatever your want, and just in general live. For all the crapping on America, or hard feelings about who we are as a country, you have to at least admit, we got it good.
Take me for example, I get to wake up at 7am and run 3 miles with my dog. I do not have to worry about being kidnapped and gang raped, like women in India or Brazil. I can wear shorts and t-shirt and not worry about breaking some indecency law. I get to travel, a lot. I don't have to have kids if I do not want to. My husband cannot beat me, like they can in Pakistan with their new guidelines/laws on domestic violence there. I get to watch little girls and boys walking to the school near my house every morning, without violent men waiting to kidnap the girls like in Nigeria or kill them like in Afghanistan. I see my young neighbor getting jobs and working like all young men and women want to do, but do not have the opportunity in Spain, Italy, Greece, or many European countries in economic crisis, still. Our beer companies can make beer, unlike those in Venezuela who are dependent on what their governments say can and cannot be produced. I see Verizon workers striking and winning concessions out of it, without committing violence or having violence committed against them, which is often the case in many parts of the world, even in Europe. I see the dangerous weaknesses in Russia and China that threaten world instability, and as a consequence how they treat their citizens and the countries in their region and I am more than grateful we have Canada and Mexico as our neighbors.
Here is what I do not see in America. White men being oppressed. They still get to walk into a room and not have their authority or knowledge of a topic questioned or second guessed. They still get a career boost when they have kids, not a career penalty like most women. They still get lighter jail sentences when committing crime than their minority counterparts. They do not have their resumes tossed in the trash because their name sounds "too ethnic." They do not continually have the bar of success moved higher and higher out of reach every time the meet it, like women. They do not have to do double the work to win. So, this is why I am confused at the collective temper tantrum.
For better or worse, we live in a capitalistic society. We have for a long time. We live in republic that consists of fifty states that follow a constitution. It allows us the privileges and freedom to do more than most any other person in any other country. Because of this, things are not perfect. With 300 million people, things will never be perfect. But, we know how bad things can get. We see the people of North Korea starving. We see Putin's opponents being murdered and people who speak out jailed. We see hundreds of refugees drowning in the Mediterranean escaping turmoil. (Biggest thing I have learned this primary season is the public has a gross misunderstanding of what the role of the Secretary of State is, but that is besides the point.) For better or worse our ideals were founded upon the notion free will, personal responsibility, and the right to participate in our communities. No one is taking that away from you, no one is forcing a lifestyle upon you that you cannot change. Stop saying we are oppressed. Stop saying we are suppressed. Stop saying we are "slaves" in some sort of machine. If you do not like it, then work to change it just more than every four years.
So, why in God's name would we want to "burn everything down?" Getting mad every four years is not going to change anything, but volunteering in your community will. I need to do better at that myself. We create a different country and a different world by making a difference to other people, not being angry. Revolution has such romantic connotations, I think we forget the consequences of past revolutions. The War of 1812, Napoleon Bonaparte, ISIS, Tienanmen Square, the starvation and food shortages in Russia. You fancy a revolution, fine, but remember most pensions, 401K, IRA's and retirement plans depend on Wall Street. Walgreens and CVS own most of the pharmacies, and what are we going to do to the corporations who make the drugs people rely on? Most people cannot pay their mortgage in full if the loan is called in due to economic instability. Getting money out of politics does not require a revolution, it requires a SCOTUS to make nuanced and fair decisions to court cases brought forward and fair interpretations of the constitution. You want to tear down the "moneyed class" fine, but it is always changing and people are always finding ways to make money, that will be a very bloody guillotine, just like in France you are going to have to murder a lot of people. Furthermore, just because people have money it doesn't make them bad, they just have money. You want to stop trade agreements, fine, all you have to do is stop shopping at Walmart and support your small local business who are not selling the cheap crap made in China, but that will cost you more money. Stop buying smart phones and other electronics. You want corporations to pay their fair share, fine, demand that you congress person address the loopholes in the tax code or work to vote them out of office.
The ironic thing about all this, the funny thing, is that if there is a conspiracy between the rich and the corporations to disparage and degrade the plebs, they certainly have us where they want us. As Baron Rothschild once said, "The time to buy is when there's blood in the streets." There may not be blood in the streets, but we certainly are hell bent on creating a gaping divide between us citizens. Do you honestly think tearing down our institutions, letting a madman billionaire and demagogue become president, is going to change anything for the better? The way I see it, I am comfortable in my lucky status and I realized I am privileged. I have been granted a lifestyle I could only dream of as kid, I just want others to be able to enjoy the same thing. If you have time, if you have extra food, money to pay your bills, in this world you are privileged. I am working for positive growth and cohesion between everyone. And I do believe that is more noble than flirting with the idea of destroying 200+ years of progress. If someone told you change is easy, fast, or you can get instant gratification, you were lied to and mislead. If you magically think everything will be different because someone promised it, that is an outright lie. The way I see it, we have two choices, work hard to change. Which is what change requires. Or "let it burn to the ground" and dance on its ashes while we watch a man who has defrauded thousands, bully his way through the highest office in our country, while alienating everything our founding fathers stood for.
Friday, June 3, 2016
Boys Seem to Like the Girls Who Laugh at Anything
A few weeks ago, I wrote a little blip about the difficulties for women sailors, especially on Lake Michigan. It was maybe 3 paragraphs, nothing big. It just mentioned the widely known disparities that women sailing competitively face. I was inspired by the struggles faced by women from team SCA who did the Volvo Ocean Race, and did fairly well, yet still will never be able to achieve or perform at or in the same level as the men in this sport, the pinnacle event, The America's Cup. I was also inspired by my own double daily workouts, after falling down for the thousandth time in a puddle of my own sweat I couldn't help but asking, "What am I doing this for?" And if you see some of the men that sail, you would understand my frustration. So, what am I doing this for??
That article that I wrote was highly praised by many members in the club, men and women alike (many whom I admire and respect), but also highly dissed by, you guessed it, women. We like to diminish or dismiss experiences of others when we have not had the same ones and that absolutely drives me crazy. When we refuse to ever remotely understand what may or may not be happening outside our own bubbles we are reinforcing our own beliefs about what we think is going on or should be going on and it is a cycle of convenient ignorance. But, that is not the way the world works. A 23 year old man with no experience can pretty much walk onto any sailboat and be picked over me 99% of the time. So what am I doing this for? I am using this sailing metaphor for life in general. Too many women believe that feminism is a bad word. Or that women are totally equal and never face discrimination, despite the fact it is documented in salaries, on corporate boards, and many other places. Or that certain insults are not the product of our male dominated culture, a bitch is a female dog, why is that an insult, I love my female dog. That our rape problem is inflated by false accusations or girls who want attention. Or that women who bring forth instances of domestic abuse are only gold diggers or weak and faulty because they just don't leave. Just a few examples, but my point is, WE ARE STILL NOT EQUAL, WE NEVER HAVE BEEN EQUAL and if you think, because it is not your problem that there is no problem, well when it is your turn it will be a rude awakening.
I am also saying this in a climate rife with blood-lust hatred for a lady who apparently is the singular person responsible for all ills in the world for the past 30 years, yet ironically is reduced to the sum of all her husbands indiscretions to boot. You can not like a woman that is fine, but to bring to a level of witch hunt that it is at, is the very reason why some other women cry foul (aside from the WaPo polls that mention a majority of the haters are white male and reason to also cry foul). Not to mention the angsty anger to see some one fail so hard and spectacularly it scary for other reasons for me, but I digress. Because all of the sudden I see it around me. I feel the resentment towards women in general by so many. Women people do not know, women people do know, the woman who succeeds is the woman seen as bitch or unlikable and so on and so on. I see how hard some of my friends have to work. I see how big of a struggle it is for women to please people, any people, these days. I feel the asinine childlike behavior of a man having a tantrum because a lady doesn't want a second date, or because someone turned him down for a drink. And I love it, because the first men who are going to get angry with this post are probably exactly what I am talking about.
So I wanted to write this because the LVACWS (Louis Vuitton Ameica's Cup World Series) event is coming to Chicago next week. It is an event designed to spread awareness of sailing, a rich white mans sport. However, there are no minorities in the event, and no women sailors. How are you going to spread interest when you shut out the NEW MAJORITY of people in this county? In a climate where everyone is fearful that something is being taken away from them, where their ideas of victimization are trumped up (haha yeah that was a pun) we need to be vigilant in making sure that we take what is ours, that we fight for our right to participate FULLY in this country. Where we can be so successful yet so far away from the top prize is indicative that we have a long long way to go. For the women out there who do not believe me, or think I am some ranting lunatic liberal, think about it the next time a man looks at you a little too long or catcalls you. He thinks he is entitled to you and why do you think that is? This is still just a mans world and we are only living it.
That article that I wrote was highly praised by many members in the club, men and women alike (many whom I admire and respect), but also highly dissed by, you guessed it, women. We like to diminish or dismiss experiences of others when we have not had the same ones and that absolutely drives me crazy. When we refuse to ever remotely understand what may or may not be happening outside our own bubbles we are reinforcing our own beliefs about what we think is going on or should be going on and it is a cycle of convenient ignorance. But, that is not the way the world works. A 23 year old man with no experience can pretty much walk onto any sailboat and be picked over me 99% of the time. So what am I doing this for? I am using this sailing metaphor for life in general. Too many women believe that feminism is a bad word. Or that women are totally equal and never face discrimination, despite the fact it is documented in salaries, on corporate boards, and many other places. Or that certain insults are not the product of our male dominated culture, a bitch is a female dog, why is that an insult, I love my female dog. That our rape problem is inflated by false accusations or girls who want attention. Or that women who bring forth instances of domestic abuse are only gold diggers or weak and faulty because they just don't leave. Just a few examples, but my point is, WE ARE STILL NOT EQUAL, WE NEVER HAVE BEEN EQUAL and if you think, because it is not your problem that there is no problem, well when it is your turn it will be a rude awakening.
I am also saying this in a climate rife with blood-lust hatred for a lady who apparently is the singular person responsible for all ills in the world for the past 30 years, yet ironically is reduced to the sum of all her husbands indiscretions to boot. You can not like a woman that is fine, but to bring to a level of witch hunt that it is at, is the very reason why some other women cry foul (aside from the WaPo polls that mention a majority of the haters are white male and reason to also cry foul). Not to mention the angsty anger to see some one fail so hard and spectacularly it scary for other reasons for me, but I digress. Because all of the sudden I see it around me. I feel the resentment towards women in general by so many. Women people do not know, women people do know, the woman who succeeds is the woman seen as bitch or unlikable and so on and so on. I see how hard some of my friends have to work. I see how big of a struggle it is for women to please people, any people, these days. I feel the asinine childlike behavior of a man having a tantrum because a lady doesn't want a second date, or because someone turned him down for a drink. And I love it, because the first men who are going to get angry with this post are probably exactly what I am talking about.
So I wanted to write this because the LVACWS (Louis Vuitton Ameica's Cup World Series) event is coming to Chicago next week. It is an event designed to spread awareness of sailing, a rich white mans sport. However, there are no minorities in the event, and no women sailors. How are you going to spread interest when you shut out the NEW MAJORITY of people in this county? In a climate where everyone is fearful that something is being taken away from them, where their ideas of victimization are trumped up (haha yeah that was a pun) we need to be vigilant in making sure that we take what is ours, that we fight for our right to participate FULLY in this country. Where we can be so successful yet so far away from the top prize is indicative that we have a long long way to go. For the women out there who do not believe me, or think I am some ranting lunatic liberal, think about it the next time a man looks at you a little too long or catcalls you. He thinks he is entitled to you and why do you think that is? This is still just a mans world and we are only living it.
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