Understanding MLK

   On my way to work this morning, Milwaukee's local NPR station was having a general discussion about the local going-ons for this MLK Day. It was the usual disappointing glossing over of the subject that we have every year, and you can add the general media into the simplification of day that should mean so much more than a general day of service. When, or if, we look back at the speeches and actions of one of the worlds  most prolific men, his passion for change and love of humanity has always stood out most. Never did he preach a "gospel of wealth", about the greatness of life with all the material goods one can possess, and most importantly, he never spurned a person seeking his or her rightful place in this world. He had a vision for the future, and spoke of all the greatness and all the love humanity has to offer. He provided hope and optimism to the oppressed, the working, and chronically poor. He was a beacon of light that things could change, that they should change and what can happen when we all work together for the right and just path.
    This is a sad time when the definition of success is getting less and less subjective. Where it is increasingly tied to an ability to buy or entertain things that do not matter, we tend to emphasize the idea that material goods become more important than the human beings who surround us. It might just be my binge watching of Game of Thrones for the last few weeks, but it seems that the evil, the wicked, or the misguided are always winning. Always have the upper hand. Bernie Madoff might be rotting in a prison, but how many years of unfettered luxury did his family live with? Do they feel remorse at robbing people of their hard earned money, or only remorse for being caught? Do the hateful people on reality TV regret their behavior because it was truly the most despicable form of manipulation to gain money or do they regret it because it hurt people? I want to believe that humanity is good and great and all that jazz, but it still seems pop culture hurls the triumphs of injustice into our faces more-so than what is right or important.
     So, while I think it is great that some larger local financial institutions are making this a day of service (i.e. they are forcing their employees to do charity and community service in the company's name) like so many across this nation, including our first family, lets not forget what today is about. It is about finding solutions to income inequality. It is about fighting racism and intolerance towards the other. It is about lending a hand to pull up another who needs it. So lets really address that. Instead of one day, these companies and politicians should make a year long effort to address the needs of those in their communities. What are the deficiencies in the schools and universities and how can they be resolved? How can we create programs for kids to stay in school, so one day this company will have a vast pool of qualified workers to chose from? How can we keep our communities clean and involved in the betterment of themselves and their families so our cities can flourish? What program can the government develop in conjunction with the business community that allows low-income students the help they need from kindergarden through college education? How can our medical community address poverty and healthcare issues that will create real long term sustaining changes?
     You see, Dr. Martin Luther King JR, was not just about one day of service. He was about a lifetime of service. He scared politicians and the business community because he was looking for answers to solve the issues. Not many people address our problems to the extent they deserve because it is not important. So lets be truthful on his birthday at least. In a country that despises "handouts" one day of service is enough for us to sleep better at night. Tomorrow the companies and politicians who took this day off to clean up a park, work in a soup kitchen, or whatever they did, will wake-up and serve their almighty purpose again, another day another dollar. Success at all cost though is increasingly coming with damaged cities and towns across this country. Addressing the real issues are difficult, but that is a much sweeter success than anything money can buy. If we ask the right questions, pursue the correct avenues, put forth the effort needed, we can solve so many of the problems that are and will continue to hold our country back. We just need someone with hope, a dream, and the guts to stand up for what is important.

Ode to my Ladies!!!

      Part deux! I have been figuring how to form what I want to say, and why, for the better part of the day but have been thinking about the theme in general for a while. Weirdly, inspiration struck as I was watching an old show that I have had mixed feeling about since I "grew-up". The oldie but goodie, "Sex and the City." My issues stemming from the show have always been what I would describe as the unrealistic portrayal of how great casual sex is, a subject which led to many misguided ideas for women who spent the first part of the early twenties in the mid-2000's. However, what I noticed today, another decade older, (and perhaps wiser ;) ) was the group dynamic and friendship between the four leading ladies. This is not something we get to see on TV, especially with the proliferation of reality TV shows which also ties into the "know-it-all" I discussed yesterday.
      You see, the reason I feel this is important, being something I have wanted to say for so long, is that I am deathly afraid that these examples, these women, will, or are already, making us forget how to be friends with one another and what it means to actually be a friend. It could be that I am a baby and it affects me more, but I am truly a girls girl. I love hanging out my girls and do it on a regular basis. In fact, it might be my naivety but I get rather sad when women are mean or unfriendly, I am a baby so I digress. But the way women are portrayed, how they portray themselves, is disturbing. It normalized treating each other like crap.
      Full disclosure, I love the Real Housewives franchise, well I used to anyways. I just cannot sit down and watch more than 15 minutes without getting angry. I would love for nothing more than my fellow women to rise-up and protest the filthy way they treat each other. But, I know that is never going to happen. They make too much money and we give the Mr. Andy Cohen what he wants, viewers. We claim it is entertainment, and you know what, it used to be entertainment. But now, in this strange reality TV universe where it is unfortunately vogue to treat other women like shit, the show can't go 10 min without one woman superficially attacking another and we cannot turn it off. (Tear :( ) The continued popularity of these shows is reinforcing the industry's portrayal of woman as catty bitches, money grubbing, gold diggers, superficial, and that typical women are evil and easy characteristic we have been fighting for centuries.
      Here is what really pisses me off about it. Neither my friends nor myself ever behaves that way. It is not how "real" women operate with each other. I will mourn  the day when this behavior becomes actual reality. Because a high majority of the women I know are beyond decent, hard working and amazing human beings, that is fact. That should be portrayed and rewarded. Instead with every new "reality" series created, the behavior of women towards one another becomes worse and worse and worse. I hope and pray that young women are not beginning to think that is ok to treat others that way, like my generation thought casual sex could somehow put us on equal playing field with men. How many young women will have to navigate this cruel world without guidance or friendship because we are unlearning civilized social behavior?
    If I could write an ode to my friends, or some advice to Andy Cohen or any of the women from The Real Housewives series, this is exactly what I would say.

     I love my friends. They mean the world to me. Their happiness, sadness, insecurities, and confidence affect how I feel because having empathy for our friends is the least we could do. We should experience their feeling or have some idea. Being a friend (as a mature adult) in the least means not judging, at the average accepting them, and at the most being fiercely loyal and vulnerable at the same time. Creating a bond of trust through these actions is noble, or it used to be. Being a friend does not involve manipulation, lying, petty name calling or jealousies. It means being their for the big things, their small things, and discussing the issues that matter. Instead of envy, being truly happy for all that they are blessed with. Women have so much to overcome already, why make it harder?

    Life is hard, that is fact, and true friends can make it much easier and much more bearable. Why can't that be portrayed anymore on TV. For all the shows faults, at least "Sex and the City" women had each others back regardless. It is ironic that fiction mirrors reality more than "reality" presently. Women are already ungodly harsh to one another. Look at the "Mommy Wars," or the bloggers I was discussing yesterday or the behavior of some corporate women. All waiting like vultures to peck the eyes out of a weak creature just emerging in the cold world. Lets stop doing this to each other. There is a reason why we have never had a woman president, lack an equal presence in our congress or the corporate boardroom. Women being awful to other women, especially those they call friends just does not help us move ahead in life. It does not matter how much money, how pretty, or who you know, nastiness is still ugly and ugliness destroys the soul. I love my friends and I am not ashamed to say it. I want to seem them be happy in life. I also want to meet new women all the time and become friends with them (I have a bit of extroversion issues) and I want to make them feel good about themselves as well. Furthermore, I would love the opportunity to just discuss this issue with the people who exploit it. I miss the days of Vicki Gunvalson and Jeana Keough having a damn good time together. Those were the times it was true reality. Those are the times and things that are important. Lets start being fantastic to one another and focus on real issues-

Talking at Me

   It seems as if the world is increasingly filling up with know-it-alls. People who always think they know how to do something or everything better than everyone else and are not ashamed to say it out loud. They are worse than one-uppers, because at least with one-uppers, you can sniff out their insecurity like a ripe fart and easily ignore them. But, the know-it-alls? Well lets just say it seem that it just does not occur to them that maybe they might not know it all after all.  These people drive me cray cray. They are the ones with viral blogs unfortunately so they are always shoved down out throats by Huffington Post, Yahoo, or incessantly forwarded by their moon-eyed followers, our friends on Facebook and Google+.
   Listen, I love blogs. Coincidentally, I have my own that I forward, unabashedly on both Facebook and Google+. (haha) The things is, nobody really reads it. I also am usually not offering advice, but doing my best to restrain anger or passive-aggressively call someone or some type out who I find annoying. Specifically, what I am NOT doing, is telling you for example, how much I know about weight, body image, parenthood, lack of parenthood, fitness, food, wine, sailing, yoga, or any other topic that allows the know-it-all to condescendingly and coincidentally simultaneously make us feel empowered and ashamed. Here is why I really try to avoid making broad generalization about what I know, and force feeding it to people like I am trying to harvest their livers for foie gras. The first and most important reason is that the only thing I am 100% sure that I know about, is me and what I like, prefer, enjoy, or practice. The second reason, I really know nothing, none of "know" anything for sure. Which is amplified by the fact that we are all different with different experiences. At least that is the philosophy I subscribe to. And lately, all the people who get the soapbox are really starting to piss me off. I think the worst place right now for it, hands down, has to be The Huffington Post.
   Now, I have never felt more bad about being me than I do after finish my daily lunch reading of The Huffington Post. Well, in general it pretty much sums up my love hate relationship with liberals and feminists. Sometimes I fancy myself both, and I guess I am  in many senses, but there is nothing I hate more than a liberal or feminist telling me how awful I am because I am skinny, blonde, make a little more than minimum wage, am married, do not have kids, think kids should be punished, wear make-up, oh and did I mention because I thin. This last one really gets to me and lately, all they do is project their grievances onto everything and everyone, even Jennifer Lawrence, poor kid. (If you missed the blog totally shaming Jennifer Lawrence and invalidating her feelings and insecurities, keep missing it. Huffington Post should be ashamed for actually posting it) No one is allowed to think differently than they, and worst of all, nobodies feelings are as valid as theirs.
    I think the validation, or lack thereof, of peoples feelings is what is really bothersome. Everyone is insecure for some reason or another. But, sometimes in life, we are allowed these little victories. Times when we are involved in something great and it lifts our spirits. These know-it-all bloggers are the ones who take it upon themselves to kick out the legs of our temporary pedestals and then stomp on our faces. Just look at the Elle Magazine's latest cover "photo-gate". The one where, despite Mindy Kaling's moment of feeling glamorous, we are supposed to be outraged  because it is only a beautiful picture of her face. Come on we wanted full frontal nudity! Wait, that is not what they want? Oh we are supposed to see "real" (which coincidentally my body type as well is a majority of my family, friends and acquaintances do not fit) representations of women on the cover of a magazine and we are supposed to derive our self worth out if it. Just like Melissa McCarthy, she picked out that damn trench coat, now I do not know what to think so I am going to sit  down with a tub of Ben and Jerry's or just walk into ice cold Lake Michigan. I am confused, she loved the cover, she picked the cover out. Why are you counting on Mindy Kaling and Melissa McCarthy to make you happy anyways....lot of weight to put on the shoulders of two ladies. (Shit was that anti-feminist, I just meant that...ah screw it)
     I do not get it. I do not know what these people want. But they make me feel like shit for being me and they are really good at it. Apparently we are supposed to derive our self-worth from outside sources, like them ironically. Know-it-alls seem feed off people who feel like they need outside validation. It is not ironic, they get attention from it. So, I am not fat, nor do I have washboard abs, so I am neither accepted by the fat bloggers, nor the fitness (they are crazy) bloggers. So what do I do? I do  not have kids, so I am shamed by the mommy bloggers who constantly feel the need to defend their parenthood choices, but I also have not totally written off having kids, so no go with the Cruella De Ville childless groups. The thing is though, if you sniff harder can smell out their insecurities as well, even if they can't on their own. Constantly feeling, subconsciously, that you have to defend your life choices by making others feel bad, is definitively a characteristic of this type. So, do you feel bad for them and brush them off? Or should we waste our breaths and tell them where to stick it?     

11th Commandment- Keep thy mouth shut when you are a commodity

http://www.eonline.com/news/492393/sarah-palin-defends-duck-dynasty-star-phil-robertson-free-speech-is-an-endangered-species

    This here is a prime example of why I need to fight the urge to walk into oncoming traffic almost everyday. It amplifies my personal feeling of incompetence about thriving, nay simply surviving, in this world. As most of those who want to make a greater impact in this world, actually acquire the ever elusive job where you get to make a difference proves harder than, well, becoming famous and having a 24 hour platform where legions of people applaud or boo your every move. Where substance and depth are absent, but the dollars continue to roll in and you get to say whatever you want. Furthermore, you can eschew any sort of personal responsibility for personal statements or views with one flick of the wrist claiming victim because people take everything you say at face value. Truly, being able to turn any sort of criticism into a personal attack story has got to be daunting. But there remains few out there, who are slick enough to turn whole entire causes into the next greatest of the "whoa as me" moment. The woman from the above article has been literally driving me nuts ever since she acquired her great American empire of people who just take it too personally when people disagree with them. This latest fray or fracas or whatever you want to call it, is absolutely prime example.
   Now listen, I watch Duck Dynasty a lot, well I used to. I will not anymore. I cannot get behind what Phil Robertson said, no matter how many rail on those who criticize him. I just do not agree, I never will agree, and it is my right to disagree. The fatal flaw in Her argument (I cannot write Her Name. I feel like it is Beetle Juice, if you say it one too many times she will just show up.) is that just like Mr. Robertson had the right to say what he said, his critics also have the right to publically disagree. That actually is the fundamental definition of the first amendment. It does not say that, one person has the right to say something, but everyone else has to shut-up about it, and just bend over and take it. Because, essentially that is where her argument goes.
     Furthermore, Mr. Roberson is a very public figure, who said something to a very public magazine. I mean, seriously, it was freaking GQ. Can we even be certain, oh I do not know, The National Review would take that answer and squirrel it away somewhere? Probably not, that is the juicy shit that gets attention in 'Merica. It generates media gold, which She has become so skilled at herself. So, while A+E has to scramble to keep advertisers on board, who essentially pay for the show to be on the air, they decided to do what they did as a business decision. Which last I hear, aren't we a free enterprise capitalist country, where our employers can let us go if we become a liability to a brand instead of the asset we were first hired on for. You see, us mortals, and it looks like the Robertson clan is amongst us surprisingly, have to ownership of what we say if it affects the bottom-line. For Her it is this total lack of ownership that puts her in the black. So I can understand her confusion as to what is really going on.
     What really gets me though, and always has, is that it seems wholly acceptable to spout snake oil salesman rhetoric, not done so thoroughly since Huey Long. There is nothing un-American about speaking against something or someone you do not agree with. That is the first the amendment. It is just as ironic as Mr. Robertson's statement, ya know, the one about how he does not judge, but really totally judged a bunch of people in his previous statement. Anyways, what do I know. I just sit in my office everyday, barely making ends meat and I guess I am the idiot here. But for the record, it is not in the spirit of "political correctness" that caused this mess, it is the simple spirit of humanity. I, along with many other Americans, refuse to believe that one, good people can be condemned to hell and secondly, that good people do not have the right to pursue a life of liberty and happiness because it makes some men with beards uncomfortable.

WWJD People

   There is no Santa, no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, nor fairy godmother. All made up figures whose sole purpose is to give us hope, belief, or faith. But they do not exist, never have really. Not to mention, those who really need hope, faith, a miracle or just a little help are often those who know better than to rely on those figments of our first world imaginations. It is something I have been thinking much about this season for many reasons, one obviously being that I need to do more to help those who need it. Be there for a child that has no one, an elderly person struggling with loneliness, or help a family out in a time of need. I want to do this, and "this" being more than just the obligatory drop off of food at the shelter, or dollar into the salvation army pot, or toy drop off. I want to be present in person, provide for spontaneous needs, and most importantly offer the shoulder in the flesh. It is the least I could do to help make up for the opportunities I have been granted with, which they haven't or lost. To help atone for the shit life has thrown at them, because I have been lucky enough to have it yet thrown my way.
    The impetus for this, blog 'tis the season and as we all know from Love Actually, "at Christmas you tell the truth." Being Christmas and all, I really got to thinking about everything. The lives we lead, our "American" way, the things we do, etc...which in my messed up mind of course started to connect a lot of things for me. I should also mention, I was thinking, driving, and listening to NPR, the second impetus for this post. The subject happened to be Pope Francis and of course discussing the people that he scares the hell out off.
 Aside from making me angry, it really harkened my head back to when I was in high school. Remember those WWJD bracelets that everyone wore? I do, because they annoyed the hell out of me, so did praying by the flagpole. Seriously? I have never been one for "showy" displays of faith, it might by the Catholicism in me, but that never jibed with the whole WWJD stuff. I do not think He went around with flashy bracelets, bragging about what may or may not have happened, or made outright flashy displays of his belief, aside from that whole cross thing. No, he was more like.......well I do not know, I seem to keep going back to Pope Francis. Funny, huh? The big J seems to me like he would have administered his good deeds on those who have not. He would have ministered to the poor, been disgusted with income inequality of today, he would have demanded acceptance of anyone by everyone. He would have acted with compassion and empathy. Thoughtfulness and mindfulness. He would have known what to say and when to say it, also kind of like Pope Francis. I am really digging the man. So then, does that mean Jesus was also Marxist??
   And I ask that question obviously tongue in cheek (though sadly there are some who believe that he probably is) because it is a ridiculous assumption. So, why in all that is holy (pun intended) would people accuse the Pope of being a Marxist? When is that lame little insult going to go away. Man WWJD people come on! So he scared the hell out of the people that really have a lot, and no....if you know me YOU DO NOT HAVE A LOT LETS STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU EVER WILL. See the only reason why this insult even exists other than reason that the people throwing it around have about as much emotional intelligence as a parasite and cannot think of  better insult, especially because it is not freaking the 1950's anymore, is beacuse they also make us all believe that we could be them. It perpetuates their greatest defense, which is us, who aspire to be them. WE CAN'T. I am not talking about the cool millionaire. I am talking about the ones with the UNGODLY sums. What to do they do with their money, aside from build ridiculous fallout shelter/bunkers in the middle of Arkansas? Give it away to politicans and PAC with the explicit intent of favorable legislation that will allow them to collect more and more and more while giving less and less and less. Strategically placing money here and there with the intent of skating by paying the least amount that they can to everyone but themselves is a hell of a lot worse sin in my book than railing against unfettered capitalism that has created the largest income gap since the 1920s. But what do I know, you will just call me a Marxist for saying that.
    So lets try to be a little reasonable and rational in this debate. Get rich or die trying, no one cares, I seriously doubt, save a revolution or something, that someone will actually come and take it away. (Aside from politicians for the greedy little campaigns and promises) All the Pope is saying, all I am saying, is when is enough enough for some people. What level of destruction economically, environmentally, or spiritually is enough. How many more billions do the Koch brothers need, the Walton family, the Russian Oligarchs, the highly corrupt international businessmen and women who earn their millions off the backs of those working in the Bangladeshi factories, those living in the Indian slums. or those who die at the hands of violent men all in the name of power. And we DARE insult someone who is trying to change this? Who is tying to make a difference thousands of times more noble than any dollar will EVER be worth. We call him a name for caring about the people humanity lost interest in long ago.
    I do not want to spend the next year of my life just shaking my head. So, I am getting off my ass and getting there in the flesh. There are a lot of people out there who need help. It does not make them bad, or lazy, or undeserving of our society and all that it can offer. It is time that we start understand, really understanding, that everyone grows up under different circumstances, with different opportunities or lack thereof. It is not black and white, it never has been and it never will be. You want to know why I am going to do this, because it is what Jesus probably did and it is what Pope Francis is doing. It is what Nelson Mandela, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Pope John Paul II, Gandhi, and many more did. If Angelina Jolie can roll up her sleeves and realize it, I think we can too.

The "weight" of it all

     After years of struggling, I am finally becoming comfortable with being okay that I really do not know  much. It is my way forward, from here on out that there really is not much I know for certain. Don't get me wrong I do know some things, just not a lot about other people, what is going to happen in the future, the exact causal relationships of certain effects, etc...but mostly things about other people. The result of this has been kind of a wild ride.
  
     At first, in trying to come to grips with my "shortcomings" I panicked and blamed it on my family. Was I not given the proper tools in life to cope? What the hell? In truth I felt very short-changed. But, then I realized this truth in grad school...most of everything that comes out of so many peoples' mouth is subjective bullshit and opinion for the most part. That is when things got interesting and comical, but only for a short while, because then I realized that like-minded people feed off each others bullshit. So I started trying to call it out, which you cannot. My next step was to start trying to bullshit also, but I couldn't follow through, mainly because I lack the false or manufactured confidence and partly because I am too lazy to not be real. I just do not want to put forth the effort to gain that air of superiority, needed to maintain a sense of self-entitled wisdom to bestow upon everyone else. I also just cannot do it because through all of it, what has become glaring clear is that the world is way to gray from me to pursue a black and white bullshit crusade.

      By now you are probably like, "What the hell is this diatribe about?" "Seriously you sound like an ass, get to your point." Etc....My point is that most of the time these days, looking at Facebook becomes an exercise of self-control in overcoming my desire to passive-aggressively diss the self appointed know-it-alls. There....I said it, and that was not passive aggressive at all, giant step Shannon. I feel better. The reason this has come up, is that in a time of gratitude, there are so many people out there in general that, God, the only expression that comes to mind is, blah blah blah blah...."I do this", "We do that", "How can people be like x", "What is wrong with y", the ever condescending "Enjoy :)" and last but not least, the "LOOK AT ME" variety. The worst offender these days, the blogs about weight. Every damn day, in and out, Huffington post has a least one posted blog if not more. Yahoo has one, people re-post and re-post (obvs defo of viral) on Facebook and Twitter. People get up-in-arms about them, they agree with them, or like me get annoyed in general at the topic, which never, ever, ever, ever really talks about anything honestly because we are so self-absorbed that we cannot see past our own noses, me included.

    I used to get annoyed and offended by all of the weight/i workout like a bad-ass/real women have curves posts variety of posts. I still do, but in a different way now. I have always been very athletic, so I hated the "real women" have curves bullshit, always have.....a real woman has a vagina and that is pretty much it. In the same breath as someone who is athletic, works-out about the same amount as most of my friend, but looks as if I work out way more (come on I am 6ft, I could use my ever hated #blessed just to really rub it in:) but that was my last post), I realize some people are born with pretty good genes in that department. Then there are those who work out like MAD and think everyone else should do it and "if ya don't it is your fault you look like do, I do not even think about chocolate I am so much better than you because I can do 10 marathons in one day" kind of people who I just feel bad for. Everyone thinks that they are special enough, their experience deeper, their message the truth, that everyone should hear it and be thankful because now, and only now...can we all change our lives and be perfect like them. Either, accept our weight, work to look like so and so, or just be. (I prefer just being with my moderate work-out schedule and copious amounts of wine and sweets with my friends)

   Now  because I have realized that I truly only can understand my life and myself, all I see these blogs or articles as creating a massive population of women who are completely neurotic messes, who are never going be happy "just being." (Don't even get me started on the Mommy Wars bullshit...I do not even have kids because it scares me so much....Lay-off each other already) And no I am not sad for the women, like I said last time, we need to quit it. I am tired of hear about "fat-shaming," "thin-shaming," "thin-privledge," "real-women look like this (insert a picture of someone who looks like not one woman I know, because ironically, a real woman does not look like 1 person in general)." We have serious issues with trying to prove our worth and again not I do not feel bad that we think this anymore. If I am having a great time out or (gasp!) on a beach with a friend, it does not matter what size, shape, color, or form (unless water soluble that could be problem on beach) she happens to be. I am also going get highly annoyed if said friend cannot have a good time, because she is worrying about what other people, she will most likely never see again, think of her. Not to mention, I do have 2 working fists if someone would actually dare say anything, I am not advocating violence but we do not need to be victims to other peoples judgyness, which is another aspect. None of this bullshit is empowering, it is just invalidating other peoples values, feelings, beliefs, at the expense of the author feeling better about themselves.

    And here is the rub about what really pisses me off about all this crap....the only people we are truly hurting in all this are the people we often forget are around us....our KIDS. I work with teenage girls, they are not dumb. They have access to the internet, they see these as well. They see the neurotic tendencies all these women create for themselves. They are obsessed with putting on make-up (hhmmm I wonder why), they feel bad about the way they look more than we do. They make-up a large portion of the vulnerable in our society looking for guidance. They do not get asked to be put in living situations that they find themselves a part of. The do not ask to be our children. We are charged with giving them the confidence they need to succeed in the world. When we are more concerned with spouting our own bullshit, and how we look, we ignore the grayness of the world around us. As a woman, I am going to keep on doing what I am doing, because I like it. I like going to yoga sculpt with one of my most cherished friends, and going out after drinking a bottle of wine and have an amazingly rich dinner out (because that is what our Wednesday's are about, not the work out, not how we look, but how we feel). If that creates a few dimples in my ass then so be it. I am also going to work on encouraging friends to change if they are not comfortable with who they are, and if they are comfortable, then we better have a damn good time in our swimsuits regardless of who is around, because I could give a rats ass what you all look like. I am also going to be a good roll model for the teenage girls I am around. Because someone needs to calm the hell down about weight and do it. See the real issues. I am going to model the confidence I wish so badly to see in them. Because lord knows, they mimic us, neurotic tendencies and all. We owe it to them to share the truths about what we do know, and as long as you are confident and healthy you do not need to project your ideas about weight on anyone else. We can all "just be us" together.

Reflection, Redemption and Self-Acceptance

   Something has been bothering me for a long time and I've been having trouble putting my finger on it. IT literally has been driving me absolutely crazy. Gnawing away at my very soul, to put it melodramatically. However, the closer I get to the revelation of what's been bothering me, the better I feel about everything in life. And this morning, after reading articles about child plastic surgery, (yeah, how sad right?) bullying, and opinion  pieces in general I had a small epiphany that culminated into a clear thought! (I take my small victories where I can get it these days and a clear thought would  be that)
    You see, I try really hard at a lot of things in life, especially when it comes to being a good friend and family member. In taking a step back I realize, it seems I have created this fantastic situation where I am lucky to have so many people who accept me and want me to be a part of their lives despite all of my shortcomings, financially, physically, emotionally, or my wishy-washy nature (special thanks to my husband on that one). Because, in the grand scheme of life, those things do not really matter. I no longer care that I make little money, do not have a "real" career, gained a few pounds since my birthday (whoops) or lack a set direction in life. What matters is that I have people who like and love me despite, we all do and that is a fantastic situation.
     We seem to forget, with Facebook, Instagram, twitter, etc.., that materialistic or shallow pursuits do not matter in our most important relationships to our friends, families, and selves. Today we are in such a rush to show people what we have, what we do, convey how cool we are, that we are not being authentic to ourselves or the people that matter most. Worst of all, we are creating a massive population of neurotic, self-doubting, selfish, and judgmental people. For every missive out there that makes you feel like you are not good enough, I guarantee you probably have just as many well wishes and thoughts from your friends and family. It is unfortunate that this does not get attention or is not always realized and is certainly not pointed  out enough in our celebrity-worshiping, materialistic loving county. Someone succeeding at or trying so hard at something they are crazily passionate about is authentic and deep. That is beautiful, even if failure is a result.
        Nothing in life is ever easy or guaranteed, unless we remain true to humanity. Humanity in a sense that there is always someone out there, who possesses enough empathy and sympathy to truly care about you, even if they are a stranger. Consider yourself a thousand times more lucky if they are familiar. So here is what I can guarantee you:
-If you do not create something so inventive and become the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, your family, friends and strangers you touch in a positive, way will still think you are great.
-If you never look like Doutzen Kroes, Naomi Campbell, Robin Lawley or some other super-model we will all still think your a kick-ass human being.
-If you do not makes as much money as Warren Buffet, or even just your average local millionaire, you would be hard pressed to find someone worth a grain of salt who would think you are an utter failure.
-If you never achieve as much earned fame as Brad Pitt or unearned fame as Kim Karsdashian, you will always still dazzle the people who matter with your charm and wit.  
       This is where the clear thought comes in....the people who are judging you are not the ones that matter, ever. Rather strange or familiar face. After another awesome Wednesday night with one of my most perfect-to-me friends, I realized that neither one of us judges each for our short comings (I mean OH MY GOD I do not think it crosses our mind) and then I extended that to other friends and family. The ones that will truly matter do not judge me and I do not judge them and that is clear. Judging is a mechanism that we have unfortunately developed to cope with our own insecurities about ourselves. It is the outright display of our ideas of success defined by others, importance on materialism, and an inability to find all that is authentic about life. The pictures and brags about things that essentially do not matter on the internet. The obnoxious photos that are meant to convey how large of life so-and-so is living, the "I love my life and job am so #blessed" statements that is meant to reflect a heavenly push in their direction, not yours, so you must not be good enough for God even. It is a downright demoralizing process looking at the web some times. You realize how much you do not have, how short your short-comings really are, how foolish you are to place importance on something many people so clearly do not.
       Well, I am not going to do that anymore. I might not be #blessed (sorry I have to do with the hash-tag bc God it is soooooo obnoxious) with all that is important to someone else, but I am lucky to have what I do have. It might seem ridiculous to a lot of people, but it is nice to be truly comfortable around the people you care most about. You know what else I am not going to do, judge people. Even if they do brag because all that does is perpetuate the cycle of feeling like I am not good enough and if people are bragging then they probably also do not feel like they are good enough. I am tired of not feeling good enough by our society. Furthermore I do not want those who I care most about, or anyone for that matter, to feel like they are not good enough. I want to accept myself for who I am finally now that I realize that there are so many people out there who already do. Whats more is that I want you, whoever actually reads this thing, to feel the same way. Also importantly, I want to apologize on for myself (and our society) if I have ever made you feel like you were not good enough for anything. No one deserves to feel like that, and we need to stop feeling bad by starting to make others feel great for being who they are. Being human.