The Life of an Oyster

  

"The life of man is of no greater importance to the universe than that of an oyster."

 

    In honor of my recent trip to Scotland, I figured it only appropriate to start this out with a quote form the venerable David Hume, one of my favorite philosophers. In contemplating our place in this world, I am also inclined to believe that the above quote has as much to do with our fear as it does with our "importance." Fear is an ugly thing, especially if we allow it to govern our life. Making decisions based on fear is no way to live a life, but I would also venture that living a life built around our fears misses the greatest of points. That our life is of no greater importance to the universe than that of a shell fish.

     I am such a bitch! I can you hear you thinking it and that is fine. Maybe I am bitch or I just do not get it, but standing in the middle of busy pedestrian mall, where no one gives you a second glance, or a super market, or airport or in the middle of a city's CBD, what makes one life more important than the next? Are we better than the busker playing for spare change or the simple beggar with just a cup out?  Is our life of greater importance than someone of a different religion or country? Are we more important than people in need in general because of the happenstance situation of where we were born?

     I spend a lot of time just thinking. I find it relaxing and flew 9 hours just to go somewhere else to think and it was heavenly and therapeutic.  In addition to contemplating about the possible place of my life in the world, I often think about all of you. Why you do what you do, what you think and the possibly reasons why you think it. Obviously social media makes it much easier than you think. And if you think social media is not representative of you well.....I am big believer in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Therefore, I take things very literally when people say them. In recent weeks fear seems to be the abundant feelings. Hell, I get it. Some horrible, absolutely horrible things have taken place in  the past few weeks. So I think about people I am related to and all you lovely souls I am lucky to be acquainted with out there and I wonder, what makes us say or feel the way we do? It is fear. Fear that we will not get to live the life we envision, fear that things we love will be snatched away, fear that we cannot control so many simple things.

      My point is that fear is such a powerful and negative force. It turns warm people cold and light people turn towards the dark. If allowed, it makes us say and feel things that are uncharitable in the least and heartbreaking to those who are effected by it the most. It blinds us to the fact that we are no more important than anyone or thing in this universe. It makes us forget that suffering is universal and that it will never pass anyone or anything over. It blinds us from that fact that our lives are left up to chance, if you are religious you say it is God's will and if you are not then it is just bad luck. Wherever your beliefs lie, it is simply the circumstance of place and time. We are not important enough in this universe to be targeted but we can happen upon the wrong place at the wrong time. Letting fear dictate our feelings towards others will not protect us from the path our lives will inevitably take.

     So, I will take the chance of to trust. The effort and actions to help. I will not ignore the atrocities of humans, but I will continue to believe that more good in humanity still exists. I will open my arms to those in need and believe they are good. After all my place in this universe is of no great importance than yours, and vice versa. But I will not go into that cold, dark place where we are willing to leave people to parish. I just cannot turn my back in the name of self preservation.

                                                                   and

*PS- For the love of God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop sharing all of those horrible hateful memes on Facebook! Speak for yourselves and always remember who and what you are speaking to-

A Snowball Rolling Down a Hill

"Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless scrutiny of logic." -William E. Gladstone

     I am still insanely upset about the treatment of Ahmed Mohamed, the 14 year old boy arrested by the City of Irving Police department and suspended by his school, MacArthur High School, for three days following an incident that is utterly asinine. Part of what makes me so disgusted with the incident is the fact that both the police department, town and school have completely justified their actions by using modern day events to play on the fears and insecurities of our nation. The same tactics used by politicians, but I will get into that later. I am bothered even more because the kid, and he is literally a child, 14 years old, never lied about what is was, never even tried to pass it off as something else. Mostly because it there was nothing to pass it off as and secondly because he is a naive child who depends on adults, like all children, to make the right decisions and to treat them fairly. He experienced none of those things and I have yet to hear an "I am sorry" from any party. Only justification. At the very least say, "We may have overreacted" and the most, "I am sorry, we overreacted, and we apologize that we humiliated you, assumed the worst in you, and put you and your family through something you did not deserve. You are a smart kid with a bright future."  

      What really gets me is that if the teacher was so disturbed by what it might have been, and asked, which it looks like they did and he said clock, then why did that teacher then ask the student how it works. If he says it is a clock and can tell you how he made it, it probably is a harmless clock. Furthermore, why in the world are so many people jumping to the defense of the school, teacher and police. This was a fourteen year old boy in what we can assume in his first few weeks at a high school, and yet they automatically assumed he was doing something wrong. Something scary. People are using all sorts of scary logic to justify everything this school did and quite honestly it terrifies the hell out of me for many reason. 

     The first is that, the child never represented his invention as anything other than what it was, so every argument about people getting punished for fake guns, or pop-tarts that look like guns, or any other anecdotal justification in that sense just does not make logical sense. He never represented it as a fake bomb, he never said it was anything other than a clock. The laws of semantics are absolutely clear on this one. The irony of post-modernism is that now people, who despised it at its origination, use it to define things they want to fit their own narratives, regardless of the fact that there is an actual truth to it. YOU CANNOT DO THAT IT IS ILLOGICAL. He said clock, it was a clock, even to many untrained eyes it does not look like a bomb. It has no relational stories about where kids bring in fake guns, or knives or anything of the sort. He brought in a clock and stated as such. We all need to bone up on logic 101 and reading comprehension.

"A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational." Definition of Phobia

      The second is in regards to the first, because I cannot figure out a scenario where there is remotely any justification for treating a 14 year old child they way he was treated, I can only condense this down to well, the color of his skin, his name, and his religion. Believe me, I am trying to see the other side. But the facts remain, the school was never evacuated, he was not allowed to call his parents, another teacher in the building knew it was a clock, the boy only ever said it was clock. It cannot be that we are so jaded as a society that we do not give our kids, even our proven overachiever kids the benefit of the doubt. Because, if that is the case then every kid in the nation is subject to this kind of treatment and if that is the case then everyone should be scared as hell for their own children. I have worked a lot with teenage kids and I just do not see that being the case however. It really burns me that the teacher, nor anyone at the school asked him how it worked or how he built it. If it was not really a clock he would not be able to have a conversation about it. But that would involve a sort of trust that this kid, born in America, was not granted.

       To me it feels like it was about humiliation. Small minded men exerting their power over a young boy, who neither lied nor threatened anyone. That just disgusts me and the what compounds my emotions is that not one adult yet has come out and said maybe we should say sorry. But what can we expect from a town of a quarter of a million people who elect an openly Islamophobic mayor. (As noted here, http://www.carbonated.tv/news/texas-irving-mayor-beth-van-duyne-islamophobia-sharia-court, here, http://houston.cbslocal.com/2015/09/17/irving-mayor-edits-facebook-post-about-ahmed-mohameds-arrest/, and here, http://talkingpointsmemo.com/muckraker/irving-school-district-ahmed-mohamed ) Therein lies the crux of this problem. Our nations is hurtling down a dangerous path. A path that our founding fathers and those who came after did not fight for. A path that our presidential candidates and other politicans court in earnest as evident of Mr. Trump's latest town hall. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/19/us/politics/donald-trump-obama-muslim.html?_r=0 It has nothing to do with not correcting him about Obama, it is to wacko to even acknowledge but to sit by and laugh while an ignorant jerk asks pretty much when the Muslim population from this country is going to be expelled is beyond disgusting. If Trump had any decency he would not have the man escorted out. Instead he says, "We are going to work that." WTF people. Lets get our heads out of our crazy holes. I have ZERO tolerance for Islamophobia or any other hate mongering ideals that proliferating too many people in this country, unchecked. Small minds breed hate- 

"When the leaders choose to make themselves bidders at an auction of popularity, their talents, in the construction of the state, will be of no service. They will become flatterers instead of legislators; the instruments, not the guides, of the people." -Edmund Burke

       Here is the get down to it facts. The facts that matter, that matter not only logically, but as human beings with emotions. With the ability to think emphatically and sympathetically and if you cannot, I am sorry but you are animal. Literally. If you do not have intellect great enough to gain knowledge about something you irrationally fear, if you do not have the courage to come face-to-face with what you do not know, then you are nothing more than an ostrich with its head in hole of ignorance. There are estimated 1.57 billion people of the Islamic faith in the world that is still only 23% of the whole entire population of the world, of that, there are 2.77 million in the United States. Folks, that is giant, 0.9% of our population of over 300 million people. If you are having trouble comprehending that, it is less than 1%. I cannot believe how threatened people feel by less than 1% of our population in the United States. Furthermore, from the limited amount of research I have been able to do, I have ran across figures anywhere from 93%-88% of the worlds Islamic population do NOT support extremism, making the varying amount of figures of 5%-10% of the worlds Islamic population as supporting or actively participating in extremist activity. The fact of the matter remains is that different people use different questions and yardsticks to measure. Lets use one of those easy anecdotal ones we so love in the United States, out of all the recent mass shootings CNN reported that over 64% were committed by white males, 16% by African American males, 9% by Asian Americans, with the small amount left by Latinos, Native Americans and unknown. But, yeah, watch out for a new 14 year old freshman and a clock.

      When you look at the rhetoric, the misconceptions, the playing on an irrational fear of others, then yeah, maybe I can get grown-ups treating a 14 year old boy as a threat. But I can't. I am a human being and in him I see all the new freshman at the high school I was lucky to work at for a while. I see the ones that struggle to adjust to life as a high schooler. I see my nephew and pray to whatever is out there, that he is never treated this way stripped of dignity and pride of accomplishment. I see all the people I am lucky enough to know who practice the Islamic faith and my heart breaks that hey have to hear the shit that comes out of the mouth of the ignorant and uneducated population of this country. It destroys me that people like Mr. Trump and others in his position refuse to stand up for an important segment of our population. This segment who wakes up every morning just like you and goes to work, sends their kids to school and contributes to this society. I am frustrated that people take the word of someone else and lets hate infiltrate their hearts based on flawed facts, logic, and reasoning. And for what, because it feeds a rhetoric of built-up fear, fear of the other? "But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint."- Edmund Burke

 

 

STOP

     I cannot think of a cute anecdotal introduction for this blog and it is driving me mad. It is a subject close to my heart and the older I get the more chimeric twin-like it grows on my soul and for that reason, I am just going to come out and say it. I am not just saying it for me, but for all my sister women out there. For every wife or girlfriend who dares to voice their opinion, need, or want. All the moms, aunts, and sisters who tell it like it is and sometimes do so with emotion. For all the women out there who have even just a sliver of personality that shines forth at certain times, STOP CALLING US CRAZY!! Stop calling us crazy because we simply disagree with you. Stop calling us crazy because we stand up for ourselves. Stop calling us crazy because we want things a certain way for us and our families. Stop calling us crazy because we feel passionate about something. Just STOP STOP STOP calling us crazy!

      When and why has that become the defacto defense mechanism for too many men, husbands, brothers, fathers, boyfriends, uncles out there? There are very real problems, STILL, with the way women are treated in this society and this is just one example that reflects these issues. We all have our bad days, sometimes they are weeks or months, but I can tell you this, it is not because we are crazy. We are human beings with feelings, emotions, and passions just like you. I get it that when you call us crazy for expressing these, it is a way for you to not only invalidate our feelings, but you think, and believe me it is mistakenly so, that you are taking control of the discussion. I mean right, because after all, we are just cray cray. Unfortunately all it tells me is that you, my dear penis holders, are still incapable of correctly articulating your positions, incapable of delighting us with  your wit, incapable of giving us your time and effort towards a productive conversation about something you do not want to cooperate with. So, where do we go from here, oh yeah, "Gawd, you don't have to be crazy." Or, "Wow, someone is PMSing and crazy today." To, "Man, she is crazy, must be that time of month." Or my personal favorite, when referring to a 'demanding' woman, "Man watch out for her, she is crazy." Because yeah, a woman who works hard, is successful and demands respect is so crazy, amirite??? (sarcasm) All of these stupid little reductions, and what that does is reduce us in your mind. Obviously, if you cannot control us, we must be crazy right?

      Now, why this bothers me so much all of the sudden? It is not all of the sudden, it always has. But, getting back to the point, we have very real issues with the way we treat women in this society. For the love of God, Donald Trump just implied that Carly Fiorina is not qualified to be president because of, "Her face." Or his casual references to Megan Kelly's "woman issues" as an explanation for why she schooled him at the debate. He is the leading candidate right now in the Republican Party, by the way. Awesome, nice to know someone who capitalized on his career of calling women crazy and ugly can climb so high. Furthermore, people who actually have a mental illness  and are sick, is nothing compared to an your wife who is upset because you did nothing to celebrate her promotion, and when you say that your wife is crazy you are trivializing an illness someone has to live with. An illness they have to deal with everyday of their lives, someone who already has to deal with the stigma of mental illness, but there you go again, that girl in the club that just turned you down, yeah, she is crazy. (Insert eye roll) All of this is an effort to reduce a woman to something that you perceive as less than you. And what a dick move that is.

    When we reduce women's worth or place in society by how they look or if they are "crazy" the only thing that is accomplished is the perception that all the hard stuff should be left to men. I mean we are all just crazy and totally incapable of reasonable or rational thought. God forbid we raise our voice. Here is the worst of it from this accused crazy woman, sorry but not sorry. I do not think it is crazy for me to want the dishes to be clean before they are put away, I do not think it is crazy for me to want the person in front of me to pay attention to what they are doing when they are driving. I also do not think it is crazy that my friend wants to draw boundaries about when their in-laws can and cannot come over. I also do not think it is even remotely crazy to turn down a man's advances when they are unwelcome. It is not crazy to demand child support from the father of your children. I do not think it is crazy to feel frustrated because it feels so often like no one is listening to you. I do not think it is crazy to feel offended or angry at someone and to let them know that. I do not think it is crazy to feel hurt, confused, or just lost briefly in this constant shuffle we call life. And I will never ever think it is crazy for someone to voice those feelings, emotions or passions. If that is the bar for crazy, then what do we think of people who walk around with their hands down their pants like a cave man all day, who chews with their mouths open spewing food like a toddler even when they are in the 50's, leave the toilet seat up or relies on their material goods, in the form of a truck, boat, or gun, to speak for them. Furthermore what, in the name of all that is good, do we think of men whose only counter in an argument or discussion is that the female they are dealing with is crazy?

For the Love of God-

    Every morning I wake up in a king size bed, get ready for work. Which means taking a shower in one of our bathrooms, going into one of our spare bedrooms, where I lazily keep most of our cloths. After that, I walk down the stairs, past another spare bedroom that we use as an office, into the kitchen where we leisurely make coffee and our abundant breakfasts. I might leave the water on too long while washing fruit, because well, it is not something we have to worry about. We make our lunches, if not, we just buy something and head off to work. We both have a 45 minute one way commute, I go North, Ed goes south, while the dog sits in our empty house all day, lounging on the two couches or her chair looking into yet another spare bedroom that we use as our main guest bedroom. She might drink out of the toilet of our other bathroom downstairs, as she prefers that to her water dish. We both drive home, I take the dog for a run and we go about our nightly business, again at a leisurely pace either making dinner or going out for dinner. We go to bed and start the routine all over again the next day. I know mundane right? But at the same time it is completely and utterly asinine.

     It is completely and utterly asinine that I get to do this routine every day when so many people right now have no place to sleep, no place to go, not place to bath or shower (my fruit gets washed every day, yet these people are  not granted the same decency as my flipping fruit), no place to change their child's diaper if they even have a clean one on hand. If they wake up in their own homes they get to spend the day on edge praying they are not shelled, or kidnapped on their way to work, if they are lucky enough to have work. They get to eat if they are lucky enough to be in a region where they can receive aid from a humanitarian group. Every day is literal game of life and death. I cannot even comprehend the feelings that come with fighting for your life and family every single day. To the point where getting into a flimsy boat to travel to a foreign land is a better and safer option than staying in your homeland. It is completely and utterly asinine that I was lucky enough to be born to Pat and Patty of the United States of America and not Rehan and Abdullah Kurdi of Kobani, Syria. (If you are unfamiliar or unsympathetic to the civilians caught in Kobani, here, this should change your mind if you have heart, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Koban%C3%AE)

     I will have mercy and spare you the pictures of Mr. and Mrs Kurdi's drowned 3 year old son Alyan, and do not worry there are no pictures of their 5 year old son, Galip who also drowned along with their mother Rehan. Do you think she tried to save them or at the very least do you think she died trying to hold her babies as they also perished in the waters of the Mediterranean. A sea rife with yachts and luxury party islands on the other side This morning my routine was disrupted because I wept as I drove to work for them. I wept with the photographer who took the photo as he choked up talking about little Alyan's shoes and how they reminded him of his own 2 sons' shoes. I wept because it also reminded me of my little 3 year  old nephew's shoes. Three year old children still need their food cut up, they still need to be soothed by their parents, they copy everything you say and look to their trusted adults for love and protection. It is not different for Alyan or his brother Galip. We, us adults, we let them down and countless others who are in desperate need of literal life saving mercy. Mercy we refuse to grant.

      You see, we seem to jealously guard our space. Our resources are ours and ours alone. I would have gladly taken that family or any other family from Syria into my home. Our Greek brothers and sisters in humanity who have little themselves and it has been like that for years, would have welcomed their boat on the island of Kos, feed them what they could, supplied them with what they could while they wait for the rest of Europe to decide. This has been documented and it gives me hope. Yet every day the EU fights over what to do, more children will die, along with their parents, or aunts and uncles. More girls will be kidnapped by ISIS, more men in many countries killed because they are the wrong ethnicity or religion. They could be saved if we could just open up our spaces to them. If we could just give them the chance to live.

       It is disturbing to see the comments on this. Comments by EU politicians, comments by people reading articles about this. You see, Prime Minister Viktor Orban of Hungary whittles it down to the simple fact that these refugees are not Christian. Gasp!!! Excuse me while I swoon. What I fail to see is how that means anything when it comes to life and death situations. But it seems many want to go there, just read the comment American's posit on the situation. It makes me ashamed, it makes me sick to my stomach and it takes away the sliver of hope for humanity. I am tired of seeing people bitch and complain about immigrants, migrants, refugees. All we do is bitch and moan about others simply because they are others. Do you honestly think people take the idea lightly of leaving everything they know behind. Their heritage, their homes, their families. We think so highly of ourselves to honestly believe that everyone comes here to just take from us? Take what is ours, because we were lucky enough to be born here in America where most of us have no idea what the struggle for life and death is like. Who cares if they are not of the Christan faith, we have the opportunity to help yet we deny that help. Austria denies that help. The United Kingdom denies that help. All the while little boys like Alyan and Galip are drowning in the same sea where the bikini clad rich take their yachting vacations. It makes me gag. My life is completely and utterly asinine because I feel helpless when I could be helping. Western Europe, America, Canada and all the industrial nations have been complicit in the cause of their situation and now we sit back acting stunned that this is the result. And many of us cannot be bothered to open our hearts with the least amount of empathy or sympathy because these people are not the right "religion." Or they are migrants and they are just here to take what is rightfully ours. If there was ever a God above, the one that we preach about in our bibles, the one who we claim to live our lives by, the one whose son is supposedly "in our hearts" who guides our everyday actions, what would he think? What did Gandhi once say? Oh yeah, "Act like Christ, not a Christian." How apt in this situation.

       I am very angry. I am angry that so many refuse to help. I am angry that we have to bring up religion as a justification for our horrific actions. It is extremely upsetting that we constantly have to bring up religion all the time for many things, but this? Do not even get me started on the money. The decrying of our monetary aid, as if that is our sole contribution  to this and we "spend too much of it already as is." If money and religion guide every principle, then we should have an abundance of both to help. I am angry that the burden of help has been graciously and generously picked up by those who have the least to spare and yet do it on daily basis, when the rest of us sit around arguing over whom this "burden" belong to. For the love of God, it is all of ours to bear and bear it we must. If we cannot find rooms in our hearts to help those in desperate need than what does that say of humanity? If we can not imagine what their lives must be like, what does that say about our own psyche or our souls? When it is a matter of life and death for so many, should money or religion even matter? I am confused as to why Germany can open their country to 800,000 and Canada cannot grant one family asylum? (That was the Kurdi families destination, though they were denied entry into the county, denied asylum, denied safety. Denied reunification with other family members. Denied the chance to live.) Why the Greeks can buy what extra food they can to meet with the refugees flooding their beaches, or the Spanish Coast Guard saving boats everyday, but England can only admit one refugee? Why America cannot accept plane loads of refugees when people like my husband and myself asininely have so much, too much? These people are teachers, doctors, lawyers, artists, manual laborers just like we are. They are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, who just want to survive. They are human beings first and foremost, who just were unlucky enough to be born in a time where war tore everything they know apart. We need to start treating them with the dignity all humans deserve, especially human beings in need of desperate help.

Strangulation on a Sunny Day

    I have a junk email address. One that I use to sign up for things requiring email address, such as Facebook, Goodreads, and LinkedIn. It can be a chore to look at but, none-the-less requires a certain amount of attention, especially when in the mood to shop since it is also where I get my Rue La La updates, as well as Rent the Runway. Even when I am gone and the emails number into the hundreds, since I never check that specific address when on vacation, there are only certain emails that send me into a sort of paralyzing mode. It is not the ones from Sephora, TD Ameritrade, or even from our bank. It is one specific email update that I spend weeks avoiding at all costs, leaving it unattended to, because I would rather shop with money I do not have or see my friends' updates on Goodreads, even though I have no time to read. These anxiety producing emails are my LinkedIn updates.

     Listen, maybe I just can't play the game. Wait, I will freely admit, that probably is the case. I just can't play the game, I also do not want to play the game. That website, with all the professional motivation exuding from its sphere feels like its existence is there to reflect back at me everything I lack professionally. It demotivates my will to succeed at some random profession, much like wedding and baby showers demotivate my will to survive. Like I said, I just can't play the game. The veneer is too thin for me, atmosphere to positive, (I am not a pessimistic person, I love nature, I love those moments where you just sit back and think OMG this is the best thing ever, I love my friends and family and I believe the future holds some pretty awesome things) translation, I would have to try really really really really really really hard to not be me, to succeed in that world. No matter how hard I try, people find me crass, brazen, loud, all those adjectives and adverbs not associated with those who succeed in our career driven world.

     While Facebook and Instagram are driving people crazy trying to measure up to Dick and Jane, LinkedIn sends me straight into a paper bag needing hyperventilation. How the hell have I gotten so "behind" on the career fast track? Is that even really the problem? I am never sure I really was on a career track, ever. I will be honest, and maybe I am shallow, but I am kind of keen on just going with the flow. My dream has always been to travel. I might forget it sometimes, but I know this because I recently came across my old diary from when I was 10. It is the only clear thing in there, besides the fact that I was obsessed with drawing horses and was utterly horrible at it. There are pages with careers I wanted and did not want. The latter category had so many options. The only things in the "don't" category were things like prostitution, drug dealer, and things I am pretty sure are in everyone's "don't" category. My point is, I fear that we are defined too much by what we do, professionally. Not our actions and not our words. What happens when we decide to go a different path? It is not a cliche, but a truism, the career questions is one of the first things people ask us when we meet them. It makes me cringe. What do I say? The admirable answer never has and never will be, "I get by. I do what is best for me to follow what is really important to me." Even when it is somewhere near the truth it is never good enough. We are all supposed to be climbing the corporate later somewhere, working ourselves to the bone, starting the definition of who we are from there. Otherwise it would never be one of the first questions a recent acquaintance asks of you.   

   There are certain areas in life where we are going to feel totally differently than a majority of people. When it comes to areas of professions and careers, I am at a total loss and to be honest, it is not because I got left behind. I chose to be left behind. It is something I have pay for, I get that. Especially in our country where corporate speak finds its way into everyday life, and gratingly, organization where we volunteer. I get LinkedIn has tremendously helped those connect who want to, and love to, connect in the networking sense. When I had a "real job" I used to go to a conference every year in Las Vegas. Those were my kinds of "connecting events," old school where you could kick back a few drinks, spend too much at dinner, and pretty soon you are doing saki bombs with some Canadian Navy divers and some Philip Morris engineers who have been in Africa that last couple years building tobacco plants. It was spontaneous connecting and it was great. What could the Canadian Navy give me in terms of a leg up ever in the career world, or Philip Morris for that matter? Nothing, ever, but that is never what I have been looking for. I love people, I love friends, I love seeing the world, I love experiences, I love doing things. If I could get paid for doing any of that I would be in heaven. So until then, I will keep trying to convince my husband to sell everything, buy a  boat, and go somewhere where life is simple and LinkedIn is not the end all be all if you just want a job.

A Tale of Frustration

There has been something bothering me for a while now, only coming to light because of all the debates about the stupid confederate flag (and do not even get me started on something that is 1. misrepresented in history and 2. not even what people originally think it is). It is the utter dismissal in a discussion of facts, opinions, LOGIC, and the truth in favor of emotional, disrespectful, bullying responses by those who cannot or refuse to hold their own in a discussion. It is getting annoying because it is everywhere  and it magnifies the true problem with our society, the inability to critically think. Emotions crowd critical thinking and the ability to deduce logic. Emotions such as fear, the belief that we have a right to be angry, and the simple idea that there is a great wide world out there and we are but a spec in the universe can be overwhelming, I get it. Everyone else is angry, on TV, on the radio, in the store. Why can't I? The part that really gets me, is that it seems to be working. They always say the squeaky wheel gets the grease, no matter if they need it or not. It seems like the last decade the squeaky wheels will not STFU because they keep getting reinforced by the grease. The biggest problem is the squeaky wheel is just a squeaky wheel and nothing more. A demagogue of of movement, if you will.  

The proliferation of false information, willful ignorance and utter disrespect for those who can and do provide a differing narrative that proves, at least someone has a different view point, at worst could be possibly a true counterpoint to an argument. And that should not even be a worst! We automatically and emotionally defer to personal insults, generalizations, and unrestrained ass-holiness in the face of a logical challenge. This my friends in anti-intellectualism at its finest. Not undervaluing education, not the idea that you do not have to go to university to get a good job or have a better understanding. That is not anti-intellectualism. Anti-intellectualism is when the notion of  not knowing, not being correct, not following clear logic, is a total foreign concept so much that we lack the critical thinking skills to parse out the fact that we, my friends, know about as much as Jon Snow and that is nothing. So, what is the point of ever even saying anything, especially if it happens to be a topic you are particularly schooled on, i.e, oh I don't know SCIENCE per say,  much less the giving in to the dastardly notion of correcting someone who is clearly in the wrong, morally, ethically, factually or simply in daily tasks? God forbid we call someone out whose opinion is not based on fact, but emotion, fear, and weird societal pressures, based not only on socioeconomic background, but unfortunately the high school mentality of " well, all my friends also think so, I heard it on TV, and saw it on the internet, so things must be that way."

Listen, my husband (one among many) is constantly correcting me. Some are just issues of control and totally benign, like when I am plucking or waxing. What the hell does Ed know of either, since he never does it. A brush off of the useless criticisms occurs and I am plucking away with the door closed. But, oh my God, yes sometimes I am totally and utterly wrong and I do need correcting. Everyone needs correcting. You know why? BECAUSE NOT ONE OF US KNOWS EVERYTHING. Like the nurse running my IV, yeah, I do not want her doing my dental work. You know why, because she does not know how to, no matter how much interest she has in the dental field. She has no training. Now here where the issue really grates at my innards, to the point of clamping down so hard with my mouth I feel as if I will grind my poor teeth to nubbins, sometimes it is an opinion, formed by a false narrative that is just plain wrong. Furthermore, sometimes when it is formed by emotions, it is still incorrect. The worst, the absolute worst of it, is when people treat that opinion as a veritable truth. The only reason why our idiot selves can do this, is because we surround ourselves with other idiots who feel the same way, perpetuating this idea that, 1. We are smart 2. Validate some of our most asinine ideas 3. Because of 1 and 2 we proliferate these ideas and opinions on social media.

Sometimes it sucks to have discussions with people of opposing viewpoints. I know this because I went to grad school and had to suffer through some of the most incorrigible bullshit of my life. That is the definition of grad school when you are in the humanities (I am not even bringing up the most annoying part, you know, talking like you are some dickish overlord of the English language, i.e. using words that NO ONE EVER USES IN ANY SENSE, ANYWHERE, EVER). That being said, do we understand how fast we would be bounced from a program if we became emotional and personally attacked the bearer of bad news in the form of a different idea, concept or gasp! opinion? How fast would you be fired for calling a coworker a name for suggesting a different conclusion from the same set of data being looked at? What if it was your boss that suggested your interpretation of data was not correct because you were discounting a critical piece? It happens in everyday life, for real people like us not on TV, Radio or in politics, and sometimes we have to swallow it and deal with it.

Then their is the trolling aspect of all these opinions, ideas, what-have-you not, when some asshat has to just chimes in to hear their own voice or see their own words typed. The ones who have no real substance to contribute but the over-emotional comeback in the end. Formula follows as such, say something (anything really) in response to some original statement, the original someone says something in return probably with evidence or simple logic contrary to the first comment, commenter plays victim and emotionally lashes out, original someone replies with a "well, these are just the facts/or personal opinion/or belief", comentator emotionally attacks again, other person walks away shaking their head because they will never get those minutes of their life back.

I admit, I am so annoyed that I am not even sure what my point is, I am just frustrated. It is a shame that we are so rigid in our ideologies and opinions that we revert to childish games. We are so unwilling to constantly examine our world around us that we fall on our swords for the stupidest reasons. It makes me wonder, what is the point of seeking answers. Why should I pick up that book, read that article, bone up on this issue or that. Why am I wasting my time trying to get to the root of the matter? There has to be a truth out there and I guarantee that neither you nor I know what it is.

Untitled

      I have been having a hard time figuring out what to write about lately as I have been stuck in a rut of paralyzing indecision. It is not that I have some great decisions to make or choose from, but there is nothing to decide really. Just where to go from here. With a nonexistent career, staying at "jobs" for me is begins to feel like just killing time, until......until what? And OMG I know, Mike Rowe would tell me to suck it up and get a job as stripper because he is a GOD that knows everything about jobs and work will set you free! Wait a minute....too soon. (I get it, I read his letter to someone who, gasp!! had the audacity to want more from life than getting up and going to a job to kill time until said person dies) But I for one am starting to resent the paradigm, constantly represented and regurgitated, that we are supposed to live by. The one where nothing makes any sense anymore. At least to me, someone who is anything but successful because damn it, apparently I have done a lot of things wrong. Especially the order of importance I place on that of which I value. My husband, family, friends, and experiences, my first four.

      What I have figured out during these years of indecision, we shall call these my lost years in the weeds with no sun or moon to guide, is the paradox I find myself in. Namely the inability to find a balance between wanting more out of this world and figuring out how to get it, and being thankful for what I have, as to not upset some jenga like balance of life sending everything crashing down in some karmic way as a result of "wanting" too much. I mean when it comes down to it, that is what it boils down to. Right? Unless I am the only one in the world who you know, "doesn't have it all" or have it "all figured out." Isn't that how the self-help ideas work while our judgey judgey advice ridden selves tell each other to be grateful and happy. So it seems some people get everything because they are entitled to it, some clearly flounder, some check out into their own blissful Neverland (something I desperately try for) or those of us who wander blindly searching for something, anything that rekindles some sort of spark of meaningful desire in our souls. (Though with the Kardashians on the world rampage and killing it along with any "Real Housewife", my spark probably no longer exists) So, to be honest, which face it we are rarely honest with each other, (we would not be able to dole out our sage advice on a daily basis if we were) I find myself stuck and void of any inertia moving me in any direction and all the wisdom out there, all the "guidance" all the "advice" absolutely sucks!

      There is a multitude contributing to my "problems," I get that. It includes every decision I have made since the age of 16. It is crazy, part of the paradigm that is forced onto us from those "in the know" is that to find peace and mindfulness in the present we have to let go of the past. What a bunch of malarkey, I have a masters degree in history. I can tell you 100% of our problems today are literally a direct result of ghosts from the past. In addition, this notion is usually accompanied by the belief that we must always be happy, optimistic, and grateful. We are not allowed bad days, much less bad years. If you are having trouble, here, smear this oil all over yourself, do some meditation, eat a kale smoothie in the lotus position and poof, you will be grinning from ear to eat. Unless you are telling me to bath in cannabis oil, or take THC vitamins, if I am feeling down or disheartened, those will be the only thing making me grin in gratitude from ear to ear. Woah Debby Downer you say (No offense to the happiest Deb Deb that I know). It is just rarely conducive for us to listen to those who might need to vent or be comforted, it totally chills our own mellow, not to mention it is not efficient or lucrative to spend our time on others. So here, take my favorite oil, vita-mix, and Kelly Clarkson CD go away and grin and bear it like the rest of us WASPy, rugged, individualistic Americans.

     Everyday, on any given day if you are so inclined to search information about the goings on of the world, i.e, NPR, or new sites, there are articles, blog posts, Facebook posts, and the like doling out advice. Contrary advice, but "advice" none the less. We humans seem to have arrived at the belief that we know things, important things about everything and little things and things that concern other people, but things in general everywhere. Lean in, lean out. Take what is yours, but alas be meek, humble and grateful for what you have. Be thin, be fat, be fit, real women have curves, but over all love you body. Eat this, don't eat this, drink this, but only on one foot with your right eye closed because if it is not you will get cancer and die. We are freaks of nature when it comes to our own personal wealth of knowledge. I am in complete wonder that so many people have so many things figured out about life, that they no longer have to take a second and self-reflect or ever second guess themselves. We are literally becoming the perfectly posed pictures we are so eager for the world to see. When bad looms, we simply close our eyes like a child playing hide and seek. If we cannot see it, it does not exist.

      To be clear, I do not want to check out of life and retreat into a bubble because it is emotionally and certainly mentally easier. Many people do that, and if you have to for self preservation then no one should stop you. But, I don't want to do that. I love people, and reading, and drinking wine, and going different places, exploring and  mining for new pieces of knowledge that might help me figure out my own puzzle. Because the older I get the more I realize how little I actually know about anything. I also do not want to bulldoze a path to get what is mine, without being certain that it is mine in the first place. Much less what I really want, not what I think I want because that it is what I am told to want everyday by people who know about as much as Jon Snow (Season 2 Jon Snow). I just want to be. I want to be, without feeling like I am failing, or missing out on the "thing." I want to be and I want that to be worth something in our society because I want everyone to just be. I want that to be important for us and humanity, not what you have, what you own, what you can achieve, what your kid can achieve, or the like in the name of competition amongst ourselves. No pretenses, no need to fake show you are just being, like our fake/staged Facebook photos that are designed to prove we just like everyone else after desperate attempts to display how perfect we are. We are not just like everyone else, we are just ourselves, and it is OK to just be. Whatever you are, just be and take pride in just being, and be grateful for just being.

Utterly Embarrassed is not a Strong Enough Description

      Every morning when opening the daily paper, I cross my fingers and hold my breath that alas there is not another juvenile and highly embarrassing antic committed by a member of our city council. The prayer goes like this, "Please, please let there not be another article about how the Racine County Sheriff has to come and investigate some stupid issue again, please if there is a Civic God out there, let them hear my prayer." The amount of drama that plays out in the civic world of Kenosha is akin to an episode of Jersey Shore if they were to take a booze cruise. But it is frustrating on a level beyond embarrassing in the fact that, lets say my husband behaved that way in "corporate America" he would be fired. If we all behave that way in social setting, we would be the laughing stock or completely reviled. The thing is, though it highly disgusts me, in a smaller city with established families, social hierarchies, allegiances, and a surprisingly rich history it is not totally unsurprising. What is surprising, something that gives me acid reflux amounts of disgust and embarrassment is the letter 47 members of our Senate, sent to a foreign country in the middle of a multinational negation on one of the most important matters in the freaking world. Which is about as juvenile and embarrassing as putting glue in another councilperson's car key holes.

      Aside from the embarrassing standpoint that it totally solidifies the dis-functionality of our Government to the whole entire world, it is unnecessarily and comically condescending to the addressed foreign nation (whose cabinet of advisers holds more American PHDs than our own) it is an outright form of disrespect to our President, his cabinet and every other nation involved in the negations. The way I feel about Kanye West's antics towards Taylor Swift and subsequently Beck, pales in comparison to how I feel about this stain on the intelligence of our own Congress of a letter. It is naive and extremely insulting and I am enraged that my Senator signed it. Not one person that signed this represents how I feel about this matter, not to mention many people for that matter and it wholly shows their ignorance to how our country actually solves these matters.

      Like middle management going to the board, over their CEO's head, because they heard a rumor that he might be screwing the CEO of their competitor and it could effect their stock options. Or a group of teenage girls going the school board over the teachers and administrators, because they heard a rumor that they might allow sophomores to prom this year. Seriously, if it is laughable for normal people to behave this way, it is highly farcical for the people to be leading our country, like unbelievable. Yet here we are.   

      It is naive and condescending to actually think that a foreign government has no idea how our government works. I can not decided if they actually believed this, the naive part. Or if they are almost threatening Iran's government (and others in the future who would like to negotiate anything with the United States) and trying to coerce them into something, which if I was a country anywhere in this world would be disgusted then by the conduct that the American Government is participating in right now. Like any prudent person in this great nation, if we want to succeed at something, we study up and learn how to do or deal with the situation the correct way. So, are these 47 Senators trying to convey some notion that the Iranian Government does not do the same thing? That they are third rate, not up to par, need your coaching because they are that dumb? That even though they are negotiating with our government, they have no idea how it works so they need an inaccurate lesson on our constitution? Or is an empty display of dominance by intellectually and emotionally immature people who are trying to prove something?

        This not only sets a precedence with foreign countries on the weakness of our own governments unity, but also for every predecessor to the Office of the President of the United States of America. The letter might has well read;

  "Dear Mr or Ms. Presidents, your efforts here are unwanted and unneeded. We will do everything within our power, no matter how detrimental to our country, foreign policy matters included, to destroy any sort of credibility you, your office, your cabinet and half the American people may have mustered. Purely because we do not like you. Not because we actually read Edmund Burke, or Thomas Paine or Jefferson for that mater, or William F. Buckley, or Jean Kirkpatrick or even Reinhold Neibur, we actually do not know who any of them are because we hate university and critical thinking (learning in general)....we just do not like you because you have cooties that abort their babies and marry people of the same sex. We can not really have an intellectual conversation about what is happening, because we are still waiting on our congressional aides to give us script as to what to say. We actually do not have time, with fundraising and general dick s@#king of the upper class, to actually understand the history of what is going on, much less what the consequences and repercussions of any actions may be. So as a precaution we are going to send a totally disgusting and juvenile letter out to the world, just to make sure they know as much.

In Regards
47 Senators who have the mental and emotional maturity as a junior high school government"


     Consequences of our actions. What angers me the most is just like the City of Kenosha's council people's behavior reflects on me as a citizen of the city so does our federal government's. Our government for the people, of the people and by the people. I do not care if you are the most ardent Republican or Democrat, you cannot do this. If you are a person in general you will suffer the consequences if you behave this way. That is not democracy, or a republic, it is not an honest form of government, it is not how our government, especially in dealing with foreign policy was meant to operate and the worst of all it is utterly embarrassing. In our 200+ years as a country, multiple wars, almost wars, diplomatic guffaws, working with the UN, working with NATO, forming sanctions or alliances has this ever happened. There is a reason why. For once in our lives why should these 47 Senator not suffer the consequences of their ignorant actions. They undermine the United States of American and its place in the world, it should grind the gears of both Democrats and Republicans alike. Here is a quote from one of their more experienced colleagues-

 "I believe in a strong presidency. I don't know if I would have signed the letter. I don't trust the president on this, quite frankly, though I don't know if I'd go public with it to a foreign government," he said, adding that it sets the wrong "precedent" to publicly go to a foreign government to undermine the president of the United States while he or she is dealing with that country.
-Peter King Repbulican-NY

Though our Vice President may have summed it up best-

"In thirty-six years in the United States Senate, I cannot recall another instance in which Senators wrote directly to advise another country  --  much less a longtime foreign adversary  --  that the President does not have the constitutional authority to reach a meaningful understanding with them. This letter sends a highly misleading signal to friend and foe alike that that our Commander-in-Chief cannot deliver on America’s commitments  --  a message that is as false as it is dangerous."
-Vice President Joe Biden (36 years folks, that is 1973 folks and Pres. George W. Bush, Pres. Bill Clinton, Pres. George H. Bush, Pres. Ronald Regan, Pres. Jimmy Carter and Pres. Gerald Ford. Not to mention the vast amount of foreign policy shit that happened. Things like, oh, the end of the Cold War, fall of the Berlin Wall and USSR, multiple operations in Central and South American regarding Communist Rebels, the whole Bosnian genocide and Rwandan genocide issues...god the list goes on. Through all that, he has never seen or felt the need for anything of the sort that these 47 Senators did.)

    2016 I will be fighting for the candidates who have the intellectual, emotional and mental maturity to run our nation the way it deserves. No, it is not a bad thing to have a wide breadth of knowledge on a ton of issues and yes, it clearly does matter, read above. I have said it once and I will keep saying it, WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS- I am tired of being embarrassed, my country being embarrassed (especially when people have died for its tenets) by the people who are voted in to represent us- Every action has a reaction, if our leaders are too dense to understand it, are too dense for a little self-reflection, too dense to see beyond themselves to a greater wide world out there, then they deserve to go-

Chose Your Words Wisely

      Politics aside, this is not about ideology or what each side perceives to be the right course of action, it is simply about our moral and ethical obligations to treat our fellow countrymen with dignity and respect because, it seems we have become a nation of assholes and it also seems that we are not only OK with it, we reward it. Yes, this post was inspired by the recent comments former Mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani, about how our President, who was voted into office two times by a majority of Americans and by extension that majority should also be offended because it seems we are all dumb enough to get duped into voting the man, does not love America, etc, etc, etc....a bunch of negative crap that neither does anything to help nor solve any problems. But it does do something and this what this blog is about.

      For one thing, when he and other fringe politicos from the right and left say things as such, the worst of what they are doing is affirming certain peoples suspicions (regardless of how untrue they might be), beliefs, ideas, and most horribly their anger. My issues then is where does it stop? How can we be so sure that our entrenched beliefs and now anger does not turn into some monstrous form of hate. Hatred for a group of people whose only crime is not being exactly like the other group for whatever reason or another. Now, we as humans have a sorted history of pogroms, pitchfork wielding mobs, burning people at the stake, lynching, beheading, and worst of all GENOCIDE. Yeah, not only once or twice either. It took years of resentment and one asshole on the radio to set off a whole entire group of people in Rwanda in 1994 resulting in the death of more than 500,000 people. You know what he was doing on the radio?? Affirming one groups anger, hatred, suspicion and belief about another group of people with words. Powerful words filled with contempt and rage. You think Americans are too smart to fall for something like that? What happened in 1938 when Orson Welles narrated his story War of the Worlds? That was an unbelievable fictional story.  When you hear the same thing day in and day out, it becomes reality, period.

      Secondly when politicians spew venom, dagger of hatred and shade towards one another they are rewarded, by us. We give them support and we give them money. Money they do not deserve. This reinforces their behavior. How much did people pay to sit at that dinner with Giuliani and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker? Not only are they rewarded monetarily for this, we have a whole entire media industry that is paid to do this. Paid to create and promote some of the most negative awful proliferation of purely useless shade ever. It is so similar to the Nazi propaganda office BS it is vomit inducing. Furthermore, we support each other in our personal endeavors of damning the other on Facebook, on Instagram, Tweeting and what have you. It drives me crazy. Do we all have to believe the same thing, feel the same way, act the same way? No. But we do not have to be jerks about. Listen if you don't like Starbucks that is fine, who cares right? But we don't have to criticize people who actually go to Starbucks in our tirades on the inter-web. You prefer Dunkin Doughnuts over Krispy Kreme, awesome, you do not have to start a war in the comments section about how all the people who eat Krispy Kreme are devil worshiping ignoramuses hell bent on destroying our communities. They just like a warm free doughnut when the light is on. But, when we attack on a personal level there will always be people agreeing with us, affirming our beliefs after we affirmed their similar sneaking suspicions. And we wonder why we have a bullying problem with our children. Name calling and personal attacks are nothing but bullying with a different name. Because I prefer Starbucks over a gas station coffee does not make me crazy or snobby, it just means that I prefer Starbucks coffee over Kwik Trip.

     That line of thinking leads me to my next point about how damaging this idea is to our country and society as a whole. Ironically it leads me to believe that these politicians and pundits have zero faith in our governing system. Our founding fathers created a government that has been touted for centuries, and rightly so, that is meant to protect us from tyranny and corruption. If you truly believe that our President of the United States Of America does not "love America enough" or is a dangerous communist hell bent on dismantling all that makes our country what it is what you are doing, aside from insulting everyone who holds similar beliefs and ideas, is projecting that the foundations of our government do not work. It reflects zero trust in our system and that is the fatal flaw. You logically cannot, in the same breath crow about how great the American system of government is, then say our country is in danger of being taken over by an anti-Christ, un-American President, whose office is only designed to hold as much power, if not less than our United States Congress and Supreme Court. There is nothing more anti-American than not believing in our system.    
   
     Lastly and most stinging is that its insulting and because of that we deserve better. All of us, it does not matter what political spectrum you hail from. We deserve politicians and political candidates, who get paid a lot of money mind you, who are bright enough and articulate enough to hold their own in a debate or speech without getting personally nasty towards another candidate or whole political party. Debating ideas and your particular ideologue in a constructive and conducive way is the only way things should be handled. Personally I would give more money and support to anyone of any political party who actually has enough common decency to be gracious for the position they are in, to be productive with their speech and criticism, and who understands that America has real problems to solve that do not benefit nor require juvenile name calling or spitting daggers directed in a personal nature. What is happening is the most vile ploy known to man. It is the proverbial selling of the soul to the devil for what you want, but it will come at a price. Just because it seems to be the easy way of getting what you want does not make it the right way. I am not a praying woman, but if I was, I would pray to God that this trend ends because it is doing nothing at all to help our country. A country that thousands of men and women have laid their life down with honor for. With free speech comes the ethical and the moral responsibility to use it correctly and might I add productively.  

Dedicated to my DOLFs-Deisgnated Obviously Large Friends: The Taller The Better

Ahhhh, I have not written in a long time. I think sometimes when people are so intensely into their issues in our world (vaccinations, how much we hate each other, terrorism, the like), it definitely puts me off writing. It feels futile in our vehemently "I am right!" society (regardless if we are right, we are always mother f*@&ing right). Anyways, I have also been traveling, spending 3 glorious weeks in Australia. It was glorious because not only are Australians laid back, fun, fantastic, and never assume they are always right. But, there are some seriously and gorgeously tall women! And on the heels of the announcement of Robin Lawley as a new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model (that hottie is 6'2'', a size 12 and Australian ) I am dedicating this post to all of my DOLFs out there. That's right, I am starting a new acronym for us, Designated Obviously Large Friend. This is in response to the new it term DUFF, Designated Ugly Fat Friend. A heinous attempt by Hollywood to makes light of the way we feel about each other and ourselves maybe? Anyways, if DUFFs are getting the spotlight, why can't DOLFs? Because face it, everyone out there has that tall friend. "Oh yeah, that one tall girl that was at my party, yeah her name is Shannon." or "Oh, well since you are so tall, and he is so tall, you have to be paired up as in the bridesmaid and groomsmen lines." "Omg you are not wearing heels tonight are you? Now you are going to be way taller than me!"

Here is my list of why us DOLFs need our own designation and spotlight!

1. DUFFs are totally average. All clothing and marketing is designed for them or their prettier average size friends (I am not sure what we are supposed to refer everyone else to) and their petite friends as well. DOLF's are 5'9'' and taller, size 6 and beyond. Clearly we look larger than the average female because we are also taller than a lot of the guys out there, hence average American male 5'8''. Growing up tall, gangly, clumsy and dealing with all the other teenage crap was difficult for many of us. I did not know that I might be slightly attractive to men until I went to Europe at the age of 22, it was the first time I had drinks bought for me. (A few years later my volleyball teammates at a bachelorette party ran into a professional sports team and lets just say....again it was nice to be appreciated for our height ;) )  American men have serious issues with tall women. Ask any girl who might be a DOLF how they feel when they see a 6'5'' guy bending down to kiss his 5'4'' girlfriend. What a waste of resources. Here is a shout out to any DOLF who has had to bend down to kiss their boyfriend or partner!! That my friends is confidence and love.

2. People assume that because we are tall, we are a size L. Try being 6' tall, with no boobs, but with broad shoulders. Yeah, nothing fits. Some of us are L's but others are M's and some could probably be an S, but god forbid any of those sizes but the L or XL will actually fit the one spot cloths never fit, our "linebacker" shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I love my shoulders, and all DOLFs shoulers. I find them strong looking, like Robin Lawley, they are awesome and powerful. But, I will admit, can be ridiculous looking in halter tops and shirts where the seam is half way between neck and shoulder. Not even mentioning sleeve issues here, that deserves a post on its own. Not only that, we have to contend with high water pants and maxi dresses constantly. Though more places now carry a long sizes, it is still hard since teenage goths are still keen on wearing pants that are way too long. Then there are the girls who are 5'7'' and think they need a 34'' inseam, bitch please. So there are still not enough "long" or "tall" clothing for women. Despite those clothing designations being picked apart like road kill by a vultures, there still remains a pristine hardly touched petite section. They get a whole damn section for themselves, despite America's over-weight and obesity rates. Is anyone else as confounded by this as I? If you know me, all I want to do is wear a jumpsuit or romper, with out a giant wedgie and camel toe, without my ass cheeks showing. Just like other women.

3. This brings me to the heels. I know many Obviously Large women who love to wear heals, myself for one, my 6'2'' sister and 6'2'' college volleyball teammate. Despite being a head taller than a majority of the places we go, I am still going to put on those heels. As a side note to all you men who think you are being smart when you walk by us, pause a beat, giggle and continue walking, yeah we know what you are doing. Ha ha yeah...we are so freakishly large. It is funny isn't it? Here is a secret, we use our high heels to detect all the douche bags in the bar and congratulations, you passed the douche bag test!! Go back to your average size woman, or maybe you are taking home the DUFF tonight. Awesome for you, keep staying mediocre. Because we are above average, literally. Which brings me to my last point.

4. Now, it is not that I do not love my shorter average size friends and family members. I do, but what you need to realize is that even though we may not have been DUFFs, most DOLFs were also not the "pretty ones" of the group either. It is hard to always feel normal or part of the group when you feel so out of place. At the age of 32 to hear "That's a huge bitch" no longer fazes me, in fact I laugh, but it didn't feel good at age 21. We are the butt of jokes, because when you are head and shoulders taller than everyone else, it is kind of funny, but do not tell that to a 5'11 16 year old. Which is why I am celebrating all the success of Robin Lawely, Ahsley Graham at 5'9'', and my favorite Myla Dalbesio who is 5'11''. The reason why I am loving them is because, unfortunately so many are not. Because they are larger than the average woman, overall, they are labeled differently than other models. However, they harken back to a time when being a model mean being strong, athletic, healthy looking and tall. Because the average American woman is now a size 14, with a 36 inch waist, and no where near 5'9'' even, the women are not deemed "normal" or "average enough" to represent the "real American woman." As indicated here, http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/05/calling-bs-on-our-plus-size-obsession.html, here http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/11/11/calvin-klein-plus-size-model-controversy/18843537/, here http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/10/calvin-klein-gets-a-plus-size-controversy-over-myla-dalbesio/?_r=0, and here http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/05/sports-illustrated-swimsuit-issue-plus-size-model. In essence, us taller and larger than average girls still can't win.We still can't fit in. There still is no place at the table.

It took me too many years to love being tall. Too much teenage angst, too many feelings of wishing I was not made the way I was. Everyone has body issues these days and we seem to feel confident in trashing people who are not exactly like us. The term DUFF is disgusting, it should not be glorified by people in Hollywood, or anywhere for that matter. I have zero Designated Ugly Fat Friends, because that term does not exist in normal peoples minds and no one should ever feel that they fit that description. It is hard feeling left out because of appearances, to be solely judged on them ("Hey do you play basketball, you are so tall you must play something?") There is beauty in everyone, regardless of size, or shape. Yes, we can be a little jealous, but let that jealousy lead to respect or admiration. And don't ever let the way someone else looks be a deciding factor in how we see ourselves. Just because someone is 5'6'' and someone else 6'1'' does not mean they do not struggle with something,, though someone 5'6'' can fit into a jumpsuit :(

And for the shorter girl at the concert, bitching because she is standing behind me, and "OMG she is ridiculously tall and should not be standing so near the front, she better not think it is OK for her to stand there", tough go sit on your 6'7'' boyfriends shoulders. To the guys at the bar thinking you are being "stealth" comparing yourself to the "that one tall bitch," we can sense your weakness like a lion senses fear. That is what I want all larger tall teenage girls to understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0 (NSFW but great song for when I feel crapped on :) I am an albatross, larger than the average bird)